When Things Aren’t Going Your Way, This One Question Changes Everything

Productive Problem Solving, One Question, One Heart Counseling Center, Emotional Intelligence

Whether it feels like one thing after another or it feels like big things are not going your way, there is a helpful way to look at it.

We all know that there is no “there” to get to where everything is perfect, when we are fully evolved or have our life set up perfectly so that everything is gum drops and rainbows.

There is always going to be another day where there is a challenge.

Because you are human.  And you are designed to constantly grow.

So, given this reality, how do you make the most of it?

ONE:  Let the feelings be there.

Yup, you are still going to be mad, frustrated, irritated, disappointed if things are not going your way.

This doesn’t mean this is a license to treat people or yourself badly.

It just means that you see and accept the feelings.  That could literally take 15 seconds.  Or, depending on what it is, might take a little longer.  For ways to manage when it is taking a little longer, go herehere and here.

Now, when you are ready, here is the big question.

Don’t ask yourself too soon because you will hate the question if the feelings still want to at least be acknowledged.

TWO:  Ask yourself… How is this FOR me?

Yes, your life is FOR you.  Set up and designed for your highest growth.

Be patient because it might take a minute to come together.  But it will, especially with practice and being conscious of what your challenges (growth opportunities) are at any given moment.

Let’s look at an example:

Yesterday morning, I woke up feeling good, did my meditation and was ready to head to the gym for my favorite spin class.  It is a competitive one and you have to be there on time to compete and be on the board.

I left on time.

At every turn, there was more and more traffic.  I felt my blood pressure rising.  I tried to stay calm, but I was behind every slow driver (and I yelled at a couple of them).  No matter where I went.

I caught what was going on.  I reluctantly accepted that I would not be getting to class on time.  This makes it sound easy, but I was not being easy.  There was some legitimate upset.

I allowed my frustration and disappointment to be there and I knew that I would metabolize it through my body while I was spinning (even though I wouldn’t be able to compete).

So, I asked myself… How is this FOR me?

It’s for me because I’m working on being more in command of my emotional responses to outside circumstances.  That doesn’t mean not noticing things or not feeling, it means having command over the degree of impact.  In my words, I am working on my sovereignty.

Not an easy feat being an empath and a Highly Sensitive Person!

I know this is small, but this is something I look forward to in my week. So this was perfectly set to challenge my skills since I have been making progress.

Once I understood what was happening, I was like “oh, I can play this game!”

Taking the perspective that everything is designed for your forward motion changes the speed of your progress toward your goals.  It takes the air out of the things that seem to get in your way and helps you stay productive through difficulty.

While I shared about a minor incident, I want you to know there are loads of others that run deeper and are more serious.  This is not the place to share about all those.

But I want you to know that this perspective has been a saving force as I have faced and watched others face important challenges.

Which means it can do the same for you.

What do you see that is FOR you in your challenges?

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