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If your child is in therapy, you may think that all the work is happening when they are with their therapist. But emotions and behaviors are a result of their experiences across a variety of environments, involving multiple people. Therefore, it’s important that, when appropriate, …
When a teenager is struggling, parents naturally want to help. So as a parent, you look for a therapist because you want someone who can reach their teen, help them work through challenges, and provide another perspective. But as a parent, don’t be surprised if …
Starting middle school or high school is a major milestone and a big transition. There is usually some excitement surrounding it but it can also feel anxiety producing, overwhelming, or uncertain about what comes next.
There is usually a lot of change and it all seems to happen at once.
For some kids, the excitement of this transition is enough to help them power through. But some may struggle and it can take time to adjust. Parents can help with the transition by providing support before challenges become overwhelming.
Moving to a new school often means learning an entirely new system.
There are so many changes including new teachers, classrooms, schedules, rules, and expectations. Time management and organization become more important.
Keeping track of assignments, navigating from one room or one building to the next, and managing their schedule at this level might be new things they are responsible for.
Even small changes can feel like a lot when everything is new at once.
Friendships can also shift during a school transition.
Your child may have classes with some of their old friends, or they may have a different schedule than all of their friends. This can make the transition even more challenging because they don’t have the comfort of those familiar faces.
They may have no choice but to try to make new friends, or they may just gravitate towards new people. Relationships tend to change during this transition and social groups tend to get more complicated during the pre-teen and teenage years. So your child may be trying to figure out where they fit in and who they connect with at this new stage.
Kids may not show any signs at home, they may seem to be doing just fine, but at school they may feel uncertain about friendships, social expectations or where they belong socially.
If they do bring it up, give them space to talk without immediately trying to solve the problem.
Middle school and high school typically come with increased independence and your child may be expected to manage multiple things and make more decisions on their own.
It can be tempting for parents to just step in and manage things for them when they see their child struggling. But this transition is a good opportunity to gradually teach your child how to manage responsibilities independently while knowing that support is available when they need it.
“Let your kids make mistakes. Let them try to solve problems before jumping in to teach them. Resilience grows from struggle. It’s hard to do as a caregiver, but let them struggle.” (‘Why Middle School Feels so Hard (And How Parents Can Help).” The Community Classroom. April 13, 2005. https://thecommunityclassroom.com/parenting-tips/why-middle-school-feels-so-hard-and-how-parents-can-help/)
Another big change is the new responsibility of advocating for themselves and communicating with teachers. Typically in middle school teachers start to encourage responsibility and expect students to ask questions when they have them instead of having a parent call the school with the question. Parents should also be encouraging this.
Of course, if there is a major issue a parent should get involved, but for simple tasks like assignment deadlines, questions about projects, etc. the student should communicate with the teacher first, and then if they can’t get the help they need they can bring it to their parents.
The goal is to allow your child to be challenged and not just remove it or handle it for them. This way they are developing the skills and confidence to handle future challenges whether it is in school or in life.
It’s normal for a child to not immediately love their new school, or immediately find their place socially. There may be some nervousness and there may be an adjustment period. However, if you see significant or lasting changes in your child, that may be a sign that they need additional support.
If your child’s behavior seems abnormal, pay attention to the changes you see.
They may become more irritable, withdrawn, emotional, or unusually quiet. Changes in sleep, appetite, energy, or general interest in activities they normally enjoy can also be worth noticing. If they are usually upbeat and positive and their mood starts to always be down or negative, they may be struggling more than normal.
They may have difficult days here and there, and that doesn’t always mean something is wrong. So be on the lookout for patterns and/or changes in them that persist.
Most kids complain about school, and usually during a transition they will complain a little more. But if they are consistently trying to avoid school, then it may be an indication that more is going on.
The stress can come out in various ways and they may start to have physical complaints on school days like headaches, or stomach aches. This can be tied to school stress and they might not even realize it.
They may also get overwhelmed quickly when there is an assignment or test and demonstrate signs of panic or distress just thinking about it. This may indicate that your child is struggling more than they are able to express.
Sometimes for parents the automatic assumption is that they are just being difficult. But it can be helpful to ask them what part of school feels the hardest for them at that time.
Sometimes identifying the specific source of the stress makes it easier to determine what kind of support is needed.
Some children adjust quickly. Others need weeks or even months to feel comfortable.
If your child continues to feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or unable to establish a sense of belonging, don’t assume they simply need to “get used to it.”
Check in with them regularly and consider reaching out to teachers, counselors, or other trusted adults at school if concerns continue.
When there is a major transition, one of the best ways to support your child is to create stability at home, so that while everything else is changing, they know they can come home to what’s familiar and comfortable.
Consistent routines can give children a sense of predictability during an uncertain time.
Keeping regular meal times and sleep schedules can be helpful, as well as knowing when downtime is, when homework time is and what time they have to wake up each morning. Knowing what to expect when they are at home can make the transition feel more manageable.
A consistent routine also helps protect time for rest, family, hobbies, and activities that help your child recharge.
When parents ask about grades they can unintentionally make their child feel like that is what’s most important and the number one thing they care about.
Try asking questions that open the door to other parts of school life like: “What was the best part of your day?”, “Is there anything you’re worried about tomorrow?”, “Are your new teachers nice?”, “Did you meet anyone new today?”.
Brief, regular conversations that go beyond the typical “How was your day?” can help your child know that you’re interested in them, not just their performance.
If your child already has a therapist, counselor, or other established source of support, it’s good to maintain that support during a school transition.
These are supports that provide your child with a familiar person and a safe place to process the changes they are going through. If there are school transition challenges they can make it easier to address concerns early rather than waiting until your child becomes overwhelmed.
The Child Mind Institute discusses the importance of self-advocacy skills and they emphasize that “When students know how to ask for what they need, they may be more likely to ask for help if they’re having social or emotional issues as well.” (Hagan, Molly. “Starting High School – How to support kids during the transition and throughout freshman year.” The Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/starting-high-school/)
Starting middle school or high school is a big change and there will be stress that comes along with it. They don’t have to attempt to avoid stress at all costs, they just need to know that they don’t have to navigate it alone.
Remind them that asking for help is a strength, not a sign of weakness.
If your child is going through one of these big transitions and they need support, contact us, we can help.
When it’s time to go back to school, your teen might be excited about new opportunities and a fresh start. But it can also increase stress and anxiety if they tend to be a perfectionist. On the outside a perfectionist teen typically appears highly motivated, …
Most teens who go off to college envision the start of an exciting new chapter where they make lifelong friends, love having their independence and enjoy college life. But in reality, for more people than you’d expect, in the beginning it looks very different. The …
Applying to college is an exciting milestone for high school students, but it’s also very stressful. Comparing different schools, writing essays, submitting applications, and waiting for decisions, can be very overwhelming.
College counselors are a great resource during this time because they are able to guide students through the logistics of admissions and help increase their chances of getting accepted.
Unfortunately, what we’ve seen with our clients is that a college counselor is not trained to help students navigate the emotional challenges that often come with the application process.
Let’s talk about what high school students are experiencing and the type of support they need for their emotional well-being.
College counselors play a key role in helping students prepare strong applications. They help students:
They’re experienced in helping students present themselves as competitive applicants, which is very different than having experience in providing emotional support.
The college application process often stirs up so much more than paperwork. It can bring anxiety, perfectionism, fear of failure, family pressure, questions about identity, and even grief as students prepare to leave behind familiar routines, friends, and home.
These emotional experiences should be addressed and not ignored, but they require a different type of support than admissions guidance.
It is not uncommon for the emotional experience of applying to college to go unnoticed. This is usually because everyone involved (the student, parent, counselor) is focusing on acceptance rates and application deadlines.
A lot of students struggle with comparing themselves to classmates or the fear of disappointing their parents or family. If their friend gets into a school that they got rejected from, then it’s natural to feel disappointed or even embarrassed.
It’s hard not to feel like their worth depends on where they are accepted and coping with rejection, waitlists or uncertainty about the future can trigger a lot of emotions, sometimes new emotions they haven’t felt before.
“For many seniors, this moment is the first time they have had to confront emotions like these. And it can be overwhelming. Most adults are a bit more accustomed to managing the stresses and uncertainties of life. But the majority of 18-year olds are less equipped to handle these types of emotions.”
Anxiety about leaving home is also super common, even for teenagers who are independent and have been looking forward to getting out on their own. They may feel emotional and not recognize that it’s anxiety about leaving home, but that could be an underlying issue.
For some students, these emotions remain manageable. For others, they can quickly become overwhelming.
Students may begin losing sleep, withdrawing from friends, become increasingly anxious, or feeling consumed by the pressure to perform. Because these feelings are so common, they’re often dismissed as “just part of senior year.”
These feelings are normal but can become overwhelming when processed alone.
Therapy offers a safe place to process emotions without judgment or pressure. It’s a space and time where they can process emotions instead of just pushing through them.
Students can learn how to understand and manage the emotions and stress they are feeling before it gets away from them. Therapy helps students develop skills that will continue serving them long after acceptance letters arrive, throughout their senior year and into their college years.
Therapy now can help with emotional regulation during stressful situations, which is a helpful skill to have from high school through adulthood. They can develop healthy coping strategies for anxiety and uncertainty, practice resilience when facing disappointment or setbacks, and learn to measure their self-worth on things that are not based on achievement.
“The goal is a toolbox of things to try when they are feeling highly emotional or overwhelmed — things that will make them feel better instead of spinning out of control.” (Garey, Juliann. ‘Preparing for College Emotionally, Not Just Academically’. Child Mind Institute. July 1, 2026. https://childmind.org/article/preparing-for-college-emotionally-not-just-academically/)
Preparing emotionally for college is just as important as preparing academically, maybe more important.
Students who build these skills before they leave home often feel more equipped to handle homesickness, academic pressure, new relationships, and the many unexpected challenges that come with college life.
Getting into college is an important accomplishment—but it’s only the beginning.
Both a college counselor and a therapist are important resources: a college counselor can help students submit strong applications and make informed admissions decisions and a therapist can help students build the emotional foundation they’ll need to thrive once they get there.
Together, these forms of support create a more balanced approach to college preparation and if you have a high school student who needs a therapist for support, contact us, we can help.
The school year is usually nonstop for teens. There is so much going on with school, extracurricular activities, sports, social events and more. So there may not be a lot of time to focus on emotional well-being. But summer is usually different. There are less …
When a teen leaves home for their first year of college it is exciting, but also a little sad, for everyone in the family. The first year brings a lot of changes and adjustments while parents learn to let go and students gain independence and …
When searching for a therapist a person may be overwhelmed by the number of therapy approaches there are, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), EMDR, Psychodynamic Therapy, and more. But while finding the therapy method that is right for you is important, the relationship between your and your therapist is more important. So let’s talk about why the therapist matters more than the method.
Different approaches can be helpful for different goals, symptoms, and clients.
A therapy approach is basically a framework for understanding the problem and creating change as it offers unique tools, perspectives, and techniques.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on the connection between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It often helps people identify unhelpful thinking patterns and develop more effective coping strategies.
“CBT places an emphasis on helping individuals learn to be their own therapists. Through exercises in the session as well as “homework” exercises outside of sessions, patients/clients are helped to develop coping skills, whereby they can learn to change their own thinking, problematic emotions, and behavior.” (“What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?” American Psychological Association. 2017. https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral)
CBT has shown to be effective for a variety of problems such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) was developed to help people process traumatic experiences and distressing memories. It helps reduce the emotional intensity that is associated with the traumatic events from their past.
When using this method, the individual moves their eyes in a specific way while they process traumatic memories.
Psychodynamic therapy focuses on understanding deeper emotional patterns, unconscious processes, attachment experiences, and recurring themes that influence current relationships and behavior. This is helpful for people who want to understand their long-standing struggles or relationship patterns.
Each method offers strengths and can all be helpful depending on what your goals and challenges are.
The therapeutic relationship is very important according to research.
A positive and effective relationship relies on factors such as trust, emotional safety, attunement and feeling understood. When present, they help the clients feel heard, respected and supported by their therapist.
No matter what therapy method is used, clients who feel connected to their therapist tend to experience better results.
“In 1957, psychologist Carl Rogers published a groundbreaking paper that challenged everything the field thought it knew about psychotherapy and therapeutic relationships. He proposed that specific therapist qualities, not clever techniques or theoretical orientations, were the “necessary and sufficient conditions” for therapeutic change.” (“Therapeutic Relationship: The Key to Better Outcomes.” Reach Link. https://www.reachlink.com/advice/therapist-tools/therapeutic-relationship/)
Today, there are lots of studies that show how the therapeutic alliance is a consistent predictor of positive therapy outcomes.
When you feel safe enough to be honest, to be challenged without feeling judged, and you feel understood without feeling analyzed, you’re more likely to experience meaningful change. The relationship can help you grow because it helps develop a new way to understand yourself and how you relate to others.
Because the therapeutic relationship is so important, it’s important to do your research before choosing a therapist.
There are a few things that clients should pay attention to beyond modality when choosing a therapist.
In a previous post we explained “Think about your preferences. Will you feel more comfortable with a male or a female? Do you want to work with someone who is older than you or are you okay with someone who is younger? Is it important to you that your therapist has certain religious beliefs? These are all things to consider when looking for a therapist.”
It can also be helpful to consider a therapist’s personality and communication style. You don’t need to agree on everything, but when there is alignment and trust develops, therapy seems to have better results.
After researching therapists in your area and narrowing down some options, you can call and ask questions about their experience, modalities and beliefs.
Of course you want to look for a therapist who has training and experience helping people with the challenges you want to address in therapy.
However, going a step further and looking beyond the credentials and methods to the human connection, is the approach to finding a therapist that will give you the best result. .
A quality therapeutic relationship plays a significant role in whether therapy is successful or not.
No matter the method or tools used, there is a higher chance of change occurring when clients feel safe, understood, respected, and genuinely connected to the person sitting across from them.
Many people go to therapy because they want to feel better, and that is understandable. But it’s important to recognize that feeling better and getting better are not always the same thing. Let’s talk about the differences and what your expectations for therapy should be. …