“Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way.”
-Mavis Mazhura
So, how are you supposed to tell the difference?
Are they getting in the way? Or getting you on the way?
Let’s break this down.
–> We have emotions that are current.
[Hint: these help you get on your way]
–> We have emotions that come from the past. They might not have been fully resolved, which means current circumstances can bring them to the surface.
[Hint: these can get in the way or get you on the way]
–> We have emotions that are based on misinformation (assumptions that are not true, misunderstanding the meaning of someone’s communication, unhelpful or untrue thoughts).
[Hint: these get in the way]
Here’s the GOAL: The picture of emotional health and well being is to be able to allow and tolerate any emotion in the entire range of human emotion and allow it to process through your body and consciousness.
You do this by simply allowing it, acknowledging it, downloading any messages being given and acting on that guidance.
Easier to say than do. For sure.
So how can you tell which is which and what do you do about it:
Emotions that are current.
How to spot them:
These feelings are lighter, they don’t have a lot of strings. They are clear and likely easy to identify. These emotions usually will not cause a lot of chaos or upset. They resolve easily.
These emotions are here mostly to guide you in the present moment toward what you want or away from what you don’t want. They are here to show you your boundaries or maybe here to help you move through a certain stage of your life onto the next stage.
What to do with them:
They arise, like a wave in the ocean and they are meant just to break (find expression) and resolve.
You can support this process by simply allowing any feelingto arise (that doesn’t mean you act on it, it just means you allow it to be present), acknowledging it(could be just inside yourself) and getting any informationfrom it that you need.
What if they keep coming up?
If the current emotions are leading you into a change that needs to be made in your life, it’s important to understand that this is likely a set of emotions that will come in waves over time. They will prepare you by potentially being unpleasant so that you find yourself wondering what changes you need to make.
The unpleasant feelings also motivate you and give you the energy to act on them because you want to resolve them.
That doesn’t happen in one day.
So, if you find yourself repeatedly being frustrated, angry or disappointed, that is a clue that it is a set of emotions that is likely asking you for a change. Understanding that these waves are coming through will help you resist spiraling into places you don’t need to go.
Emotions coming from the past that might not have been fully resolved.
How to spot them:
They usually feel more intense than the situation warrants.
It can feel like a flood of intense emotion or lots of tears.
Or, it can be a total shutdown. Like, you refuse to talk about it with anyone, do not want to think about it and want to hide it in 100 miles inside the earth.
What to do with them:
If you catch yourself in this intense emotion and you suspect this might be bringing up some feelings from the past, you are already ahead of the game. Just your awareness of what is happening is a massive step and offers some relief.
Get some perspective by taking some space from the situation. Walk your dog, work out, go watch a movie, catch up with a friend and don’t talk about it, just….take your mind somewhere else.
When you’ve gotten some space from the feelings: Reflect, write or talk about the issue.
Ask yourself: When have you felt this way before? How is this situation the same or different? Is there anything here for me to learn?
What if they keep coming up?
If it is the same as other situations and it is repeatedly coming up, that is because your emotional system wants to resolve whatever is not healed.
Don’t ignore it. Resolving it may be something that needs to happen for you to take the next steps towards your goals.
I have had many situations where I have had goals and there was an unresolved issue (tangle of trapped emotions) blocking the way. Once it resolved, I was able to get where I wanted to go.
In growing my business, I had to address a lot of self worth issues. Layers of them. Not exactly fun.
But paying attention to my feelings when they came up and addressing these issues (processing unresolved emotions) is a big part of why I was able to break through and reach some of my important business goals.
If stuff from the past keeps coming up and stopping you from living as you wish, a therapist can definitely help.
If you have done a fair amount of personal growth work and you want to really get to the stuff that you are holding onto on an unconscious level, I can HIGHLY recommend working with an Emotion Code practitioner. I have personally done this work and I have gotten underneath things years of therapy has not. It’s amazing.
Emotions based on misinformation.
How to spot them:
It might feel very chaotic and like your mind is all over the place. You might feel like you can’t organize your thoughts. You might be in a zone of blame and judgement.
Again, your reaction may seem bigger than the situation warrants. That usually means that you are not seeing things clearly. There might be an assumption that is not true, you might be misunderstanding the meaning of someone’s communication/actions or you might be experiencing unhelpful or untrue thoughts.
What to do with them:
You want to check if there might be an assumption that is not true, a misunderstanding of the meaning of someone’s communication/actions or unhelpful/untrue thoughts.
If you are not sure, that’s a good time to ask a level headed friend, mentor or counselor.
There are times when I ask “can I borrow your brain for a second? What do you see here?”
Usually the person I ask sees things differently and seeing from their perspective helps me see where I have misinterpreted something.
What if they keep coming up?
This is where you want to ask yourself if you might have a pattern of taking things personally or maybe have adopted a critical mindset.
If this keeps coming up, it’s a good time to talk to a therapist or ask a close friend for reflections. It could be a phenomenal growth opportunity.
The Big Picture
Trapped emotions from the past and emotions based on misinformation are part of what give emotions a bad reputation. The truth is we were designed very well and emotions are meant to be a resource, not a hinderance.
Consider that we probably would not have that many trapped emotions if we learned early on in our lives about how to use our human emotional system properly.
That’s a great motivation to work through this stuff if you are a parent or plan to be one! Set your kids up for emotional health by getting yours on track.
Even if you are the picture of emotional health today, there are probably some emotions in the past that will be triggered by what is happening now.
It’s designed like that for a reason.
Current circumstances will bring up feelings from the past because it is an opportunity for that trapped emotion to get processed. If you know about that, it helps so you can just let those guys through.
Once emotions get processed through, you have more and more clarity and ease in life. There is more space for enjoying things. You have energy for your purpose instead of emotions getting in the way.
