Summer is in full swing and sleepovers can become a big topic for families. So let’s talk about some things to consider before sending your kid on a sleepover, what to consider if you don’t, or they have challenges around sleepovers.
Sleepovers can be beneficial for kids and we know they can bring up anxiety for you and for them. Let’s talk this through so you can land on what feels right for you and your kiddo.
Let’s start by talking about the benefits.
When your child attends a sleepover they are able to practice independence since they are outside of their normal environment and away from home. It also gives them some exposure to other family dynamics, cultures and routines; they get to see that everyone and every environment is not exactly the same as theirs and this can help them become more adaptable.
“A sleepover at someone else’s house can also be an insightful opportunity for kids to see how another family operates. This may help them value what makes families different and what they love about their own family.” (Gwilliam, Ellie. “Should my Child go on a Sleepover?” Parenting Place. https://parentingplace.nz/resources/should-my-child-go-on-a-sleepover)
Interacting with friends outside of their structured school or sports type of activities is also helpful to strengthening their social skills. Being in a more relaxed environment can help them build closer bonds in friendships and practice different kinds of communication skills.
Now let’s look at some of the things to consider:
Because every family and every parent is different, there may be some things that you do not agree with going on in the household where the sleepover is being held. These can be minor things that you just don’t want your kid exposed to, or it could be major things that are a cause for concern.
One concern could be different levels of supervision. Some parents give their children more freedom or have more lax rules than you might be used to in your home, which can bring up anxiety for you and or your kid..
There may also be exposure to things that you don’t want your child to be around like different kinds of food or activities that you don’t normally do (maybe more screen time, different types of things they might have access to watch, older kids in the house, ect).
So what should you consider when making your decision?
First, consider your relationship with the host family. How well do you know them? Are you familiar with their parenting style? Have you visited their home before and felt comfortable there, even though there might be some differences?
You may not know all the parents of your children’s friends, but getting to know them a little bit might help you get a sense of how comfortable you feel with allowing your child spend the night. Maybe you have their child over first, maybe you have a phone conversation with the parent and ask a few questions to get a sense of how their values and parenting style. This is not meant to come across as suspicious, rather: hey I’d love to connect so that everyone has a good time. It can also be a way for you to share anything special about your kid like food allergies or shyness or bossiness that can come up.
There should be open communication between you and the child’s parents and they should be willing to answer any questions you have before allowing your child to stay at their home. If they aren’t willing to do so, that’s probably a red flag.
Another thing to consider is who will be supervising and who are the other kids attending the sleepover. If your kid is younger you will want to make sure the parents are going to be present and supervising them the whole time. If you are not comfortable with them being left with an older sibling or other family member you need to communicate that.
How many other kids are attending and who they are can also be an important factor. Does your child get along with them? Could bullying or exclusion be a problem if other kids are also there?
There are also some things you need to consider about your child, like are they emotionally mature enough to be away from home. Some kids struggle with anxiety or home sickness and a sleepover can be a trigger. Ask yourself if they are ready for a sleepover and make sure they are not feeling pressured by their friend(s) to attend. If you think it’ll be a stretch, you might want to develop a plan so they can check in for reassurance.
Be prepared to deal with these types of situations by being available so they can call or text you if they need you, and you can also develop a plan of how they can let you know if they are uncomfortable or want to come home, like a code word.
You’ll also want to consider if your child has any medical needs/concerns like allergies, conditions or medications. This is not a deal breaker but definitely needs to be addressed with the parents at the host home.
While communication with the host parents is important, it’s also very important to communicate openly with your child if you allow them to attend a sleepover. This can include rules (for safety and behavior), personal boundaries, what a potentially dangerous situation can look like, and how to handle a situation that makes them feel uncomfortable. It also is helpful to include ways they can practice being a good guest For example: saying thank you, offering to help, asking permission, etc
“Just like the internet, sleepovers aren’t inherently bad, but they do pose inherent risks – and education can be key in prevention. When kids and parents know the dangers and warning signs, they can both be better equipped to stay safe.” (“7 Tips for a Safer Sleepover. Child Rescue Coalition.” https://childrescuecoalition.org/educations/7-tips-for-a-safer-sleepover/)
The decision to allow your child to have sleepovers or not is a personal one, and you have to do what feels right for your family. By considering all the risks and benefits and taking necessary precautions, you will be equipped to make an informed decision for your child’s well-being and safety.
If you are struggling with making this decision, knowing how to set your child up for success with things like sleepovers or other important parenting decisions, contact us, we are here to help!
