Your approach to your child’s therapy has a significant impact on the success of the outcome of your investment in therapy. Let’s talk about a few ways you can really amplify that investment and ways that you might inadvertently diminish the investment.
Let’s start with what will support your investment…
Do #1 – Establish a Relationship with the Therapist
As a parent it’s crucial that you have a rapport with your child’s therapist and you trust them to help your child.
When getting started, ask about boundaries the therapist has in therapy for communicating with the parent such as – What will stay private between therapist/parent or therapist/child? What mode of communication does the therapist use with the parent? (in person for the first or last 10 minutes, messaging in electronic medical records, etc.) Knowing these things can help you set expectations for what’s to come and instead of being left to wonder what will be communicated with you and how it will be communicated, which could cause frustration.
Ask the therapist how you as a parent can support the therapeutic process. Show them that you are available and willing to help any way you can, but that you respect any boundaries that they feel are important to establish to get the best results.
Do #2 – Incorporate Therapy into Daily Activities
As your child begins to learn positive coping skills and healthy habits in therapy, guide them in using them at home. The best way to do that is to initiate coping skills in moments when your emotions come up, it might even be when you’re having emotions about their emotions!
For example, if the therapist has been working with your child on nervous system regulation exercises or naming emotions, model this for your child when your emotions or your stress is coming up.
For example: I’m starting to feel frustrated, I’m going to take a second to breathe. Or, I feel like we’re both getting frustrated, let’s practice what your therapist talked about.
If you can lead and model incorporating what your child is learning in therapy, it’ll seamlessly integrate into your daily life as a family. If you simply try to tell them: practice what your therapist told you, you’ll probably meet more resistance.
Even if they don’t join you in the coping strategy or don’t catch on right away, it’s OK. They have to see your commitment to it, that it works for you, that it’s really becoming a part of how you handle things in your family and they will pick it up.
Do #3 – Create a unified front
Your child needs to see that you trust and support their therapist. This is important because it fosters consistency, enhances communication, and ultimately leads to more effective therapy outcomes. When parents and therapists collaborate and share a common understanding of goals, strategies, and the child’s progress, the child benefits from a more supportive and cohesive environment, both at home and in therapy.
They need to know you are on the same page so that they do not try to play you both against each other.
“Stay involved. Be active in your child’s therapy by attending sessions when appropriate, staying informed about their progress, and collaborating with the therapist.” (“How can I best support my child when they are in therapy?” Thrive Counseling Center. https://www.thrivecounselingfederalway.com/faq/support-child-are-therapy/46023)
That covers some important Do’s, now let’s talk about some Don’ts.
Don’t # 1 – Overstep or Meddle
When your child is in therapy, naturally, you will want to be included in the process. It may be hard to take a step back and allow another adult to guide and support your child because you feel like that is your job.
You know your child better than anyone and it’s normal to want to provide input, make suggestions, which is what all the “do’s” in this post support. And, if you ask your child to tell you everything that is happening in therapy, it can impact their ability really take ownership of building the skills, talk about what is important to them because they are thinking about you and what you want them to be doing, talking about, practicing.
Your child may share things with you and they may not. If you trust the therapist and have a good rapport, you will let the work work and you’ll love the ownership they take in the process. If your child really likes the therapist, listens to the therapist or talks about the therapist, this can feel confronting for you as a parent. It brings up feelings and that’s normal especially if your relationship with your child has been contentious or strained. Remember that their connection to the therapist reflects how much the therapist is able to influence your child. And a great therapist will influence your child toward having a great relationship with you and support you as a parent. So it might feel intense for a minute, but know that it’s all headed in the right direction.
“If they want to share, great. If they don’t, remember, that’s not an invitation to barrage them with more questions or to text the therapist demanding all the details. Trust the process.” (What To Do and What Not To Do When Your Child Is in Therapy.” Cleveland Clinic. February 7, 2023.https://health.clevelandclinic.org/parent-involvement-in-child-therapy)
Don’t #2 – Confuse a Parenting Concern for a Concern You Have About Your Kid
It can be easy for the lines to be blurred between parenting challenges and challenges that your child is facing. Knowing the difference between the two can help you address your concerns more effectively.
When you are a parent dealing with challenges related to your child, it’s so helpful to be in your own therapy to work on your own nervous system regulation and practice your own self care. When you work with a child therapist you trust, ask them: “Is there something I should be working on myself here even though it looks like it’s a struggle for my child?” Again, a great rapport with the therapist will help you receive feedback that will truly help your child and your family. If you don’t trust the therapist, their reflections about parenting work won’t land.
Being open to and willing to take care of your own mental and emotional health will have a positive impact on your child and their progress in therapy.
Don’t #3 – Put Pressure on Your Child About Therapy
Pressuring your child to get what they learned in therapy right or telling them you don’t think therapy is working because they are not changing, is not helpful. That’s a conversation for the therapist, not your child. If you have concerns about them not benefiting from or progressing in therapy, share them with their therapist. It may be too soon to see change, there may be more work to do and the therapist can help you understand why.
If you voice these concerns to your child it may cause them to regress or shut down and not communicate with you because they feel like you are disappointed in them or angry with them. Try to educate yourself about your child’s challenges and the therapy process, so that you can understand what they are having to work through and empathize with them.
Supporting your child in therapy is important because it directly impacts how effective and meaningful the experience is for them. By openly supporting therapy, you teach your child that taking care of their mental health is normal and important.
If you feel like your child is ready for therapy and you need help getting started contact us. Or if your child is already in therapy and you need support for yourself we are here for you.
