Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
It’s very common for parents to feel lost when it comes to dealing with the challenges of parenting a teen. If these challenges become too much for your teenager, and you feel you need additional support to help them, therapy may be a wise option. …
We’ve all been through some significant life adjustments in the months of quarantine. Some of them difficult to assimilate. And, there might be a couple that you found might suit you. No matter where you are in your stance toward the pandemic, the reality is …
There are some great Instagram accounts out there that break down old ways of thinking and teach according to current concepts and findings in the psychology world.
I love how these therapists, coaches and teachers are able to capture complex concepts and put them into digestible infographics or quotes.
Following accounts like these are a great way to keep helpful thinking front and center, learn about yourself and support the work you are doing in therapy.
There are a few basic emotional intelligence concepts coming up that can be helpful as we navigate this territory of the Coronavirus. Let’s lay the groundwork with those. Then, we can talk about 5 helpful thoughts that we can incorporate to how we are thinking …
Aside from “how long does therapy take?”, which was discussed last week, another common question is “how often should I be seeing my therapist?”
Again, it depends. So let’s talk about that.
What follows applies to those who are coming in for individual, family, couples, child or adolescent therapy.
We recommend doing weekly sessions for 4-6 weeks regardless of whether you are being proactive or working on a specific challenge. If you are in crisis, you may need multiple sessions a week in order to stabilize the situation.
We recommend having those first 4-6 weekly sessions because two important things are happening.
One is you are getting to know your therapist, seeing how they work and how comfortable you feel working with them. You are sorting out if you can trust the guidance and insights that your therapist brings forward, if you find their responses and way of working helpful to you. If that trust is not there, you are not going to get the return on investment.
Second, your therapist is finding out all about you and what is bringing you to therapy. Your therapist is gathering information about your history, your family, your health, your support network and your current coping strategies through what you say and what you don’t say. Give your therapist the opportunity to do that because they are going to be WAY more effective that way.
Once you have some trust and good rapport built up and your therapist has a solid picture of what is going on with you, you guys can decide together what is going to be best in terms of session frequency.
Weekly sessions are super helpful in the following situations:
Of course, there are other reasons, those are just some basic ones. Weekly sessions are most definitely an investment of your time and resources. And, doing this from the start will actually get you where you want to go faster. Doing biweekly sessions might actually fatigue you and feel like therapy is not working because progress may take longer or just might be more difficult. Better to fully invest and get your work in.
This is a good option when:
This is helpful at the following times:
This is usually indicated when:
This is by no means a comprehensive list, just something to give you an idea of what to expect as you embark on or during your journey in therapy.
Know that this is an important conversation to bring up periodically with your therapist. We want to be mindful of your time and resources AND we want to make sure that your experience in therapy is effective and productive. Not something that drags on. Or conversely, doesn’t sufficiently address your goals, which then makes therapy less than effective.
Engage in making the decision about how often you come in for sessions together with your therapist, as their clinical recommendation is important to consider.
This viral video was shared in a group recently and it stopped me in my tracks. Watch what he does in the first video (3 min) and then listen to what he says about that experience in the second video (4 min). And then I’ll …
A couple of months ago, we wrote a post about the Top 5 Back to School Tips from One Heart Therapists. We thought it would be a good time to check back in about those! And to support you in starting to consider what your …
What if your spouse, loved one, best friend is not the bad guy? What if you aren’t either?
Let’s be honest, sometimes it feels good that the other person is the “bad guy”. Then we get to be right, justified and safe. At the same time, we know that actually isn’t worth much in the long run.
Let’s start with this basic assumption: the people you have in your inner circle (the ones you brought into that space) are not bad people AND they are probably not intentionally trying to hurt you. Can we agree on that?
Yet, uncomfortable situations, hurt feelings, anger, disappointment, frustration, jealousy, irritation, overwhelm, guilt… that kind of hard stuff shows up in your inner circle relationships. Actual emotional health means we have access to navigate the ENTIRE RANGE of human emotion.
So, just because something uncomfortable comes up between you and someone else doesn’t mean that someone is bad. It means, there is a chance to actually grow as people and have a stronger relationship with all the good stuff in there: more trust, love, closeness, vulnerability, fun.
Why? Because we are human beings growing through things. And we pick these inner circle people to grow with through life.
Also important to remember: It takes two to tango. The problem nor the solution are one sided. No matter how justified you feel. We push each other’s buttons, we have complementary “stuff” that we bring up with one another. For the purpose of evolving.
You and the other person will need to come to an agreement that you are willing to play this game. This is crucial. It won’t work unless you have willingness on both sides. It does require a level of self awareness and ability to communicate as well.
When something happens that is painful or uncomfortable, make a commitment to talk about it. Yup, bring it up. You might not be ready to talk about it right then. You might need some time to get clear on your feelings and what came up for you, but make a point to acknowledge it and commit to talking about it together.
Do some reflection on what this interaction brought up to the surface for you to be able to see about yourself and how you interact in relationships.
Ask yourself some of these questions:
When else have I felt like this?
What does this remind me of?
How did I contribute to this challenging situation?
Where else do interactions like this come up in my life?
How do I want to show up instead (baby steps are fine!)?
How could I do this differently next time so it is better for me and us?
Realize that it is a gift this is coming up with someone you love and trust. That way you get the chance to ACTUALLY resolve it instead of sending it to the back of the line of repeating patterns that will definitely show up again. And, what I find is that when people actually resolve repeating patterns, what they really want is on the other side. If you can get to this place before you talk about it with your person, you are in a great space that is not emotionally charged to be able to be receptive and collaborative.
Come together with your person and share about what you noticed about yourself, what you got to see in a new light because of the fact that it came up between you, how you see a pattern that is outdated and no longer needed that you are willing to give up to be able to have a better relationship or be a better person. Listen with compassion to what they share.
And, there you go. You are better as a person and your relationship is better. Your conflict did not harm your relationship or waste your time. And no one is the bad guy.
We are not here to make each other happy. We are here to make each other better.
I was having a conversation at the gym this morning with my running coach about how there has been a change in the last decade related to what people are looking for when they come to therapy. Of course, people contact us when they are …