Couples come to us saying they want to work on their communication issues. But most of the time, couples actually agree. Or actually can understand each other.
So what’s the problem? It’s actually that you guys are saying the same thing, but in two different languages, from different lenses. It’s just you don’t realize you’re speaking different languages or seeing from different lenses. And, if that’s been happening long enough, you have developed beliefs about each other to help explain what’s happening.
For example, you’re the person who likes to process feelings and talk it out right then and there. And your partner needs time to cool off because they don’t want to hurt you while they’re deep in emotion. Then, they feel better once they’ve processed their emotions. But you’re pissed off because you think they’re ignoring you. So then you guys don’t talk about the issue.
You think they don’t want to resolve issues. They think you’re needy or critical. Because that’s what the actions look like.
But what’s really going on is that you both want to solve it. You both want to feel better. You both want to be loved and respected. You just have different ways of doing that.
Our therapists help you decode the ways you’re different and how you can learn each other’s language.
Contact us, we’d love to support you.
