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As a parent, you are constantly having to make decisions about what is best for your child and what they need. When it comes to certain behaviors and situations, the decision may not always be cut and dry, and your first thought about what they …
If your child is having consistent emotional, behavioral, or social challenges that interfere with their daily life, well-being, or development then it may be time to look into getting some professional help for them. As a concerned parent you will want to do some research …
Extra-curricular activities like sports and art classes are important for kids. They promote skill development, socialization, regulating energy levels, and physical health. But, when you’re trying to set up your kids’ after school schedule, there’s a reason not to lump therapy in with art and sports. It’s in its own category.
Let’s talk about how it is different.
For example, if your child is struggling with anxiety (regular anxiety, performance anxiety or social anxiety), being in extracurricular activities is going to exacerbate the issue if they are not learning the skills to be with and overcome the anxiety that comes up in those after school activities.
“While goal oriented activities can help a child develop certain skills, when those skills are scrutinized by parents, coaches or teachers, it can lead to self esteem issues, stress, and anxiety. This is especially true around the age of 12 when kids start to compare themselves to their peers in the formation of identity and self concept.” (Wijkstrom, Stephanie. “Signs Your Child Is Involved in Too Many Extracurricular Activities.” Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburg. October 5, 2022. www.counselingwellnesspgh.com/signs-your-child-is-involved-in-too-many-extracurricular-activities/)
While most extracurricular activities are fun and kids are excited about participating in them, they can still trigger stress, big feelings or overwhelm for a kid. If they are already working on identifying the emotions associated with their general anxieties and developing coping skills to address them, then they can apply them in all areas of their life whether it be family, school, friends or even extracurricular activities. This can help them get more out of those activities and find a sport or activity that they can thrive in.
We see parents pull kids from therapy thinking that the child doesn’t care. Kids might not always tell you that they do, because they want to please you or might not be fully aware of what’s happening in therapy. If you want therapy to be a safe place for your kid to work through things, you have to make sure it’s reliably available.
Therapy can be hard for kids because their therapist will push them to help them grow. If it’s intermittently available, your kid won’t open up enough to get the support they need. Consistency allows them to develop trust and build a relationship with their therapist.
“The key here is being consistent; if you want change, you must be consistent. Consistency essentially means sticking to the plan and not skipping (or over-doing) something.” (Barbash, Elyssa. “STOP CANCELING YOUR THERAPY APPOINTMENTS! – THAT IS, IF YOU WANT REAL CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE.” Tampa Therapy. June 4, 2017. www.tampatherapy.com/2017/06/04/12338/)
This happens a lot: people don’t think they have time for therapy or they don’t feel like going. This is the best time to go. Where else in life can you take a pause from the outside world to reflect, be seen and gather yourself? There are no distractions. Sometimes it’s the exact thing you need, especially when you don’t feel like it.
If you act like it isn’t a big deal to cancel appointments because something else comes up or because you want to use that time to get other things checked off your to-do list, then you are showing your kid that therapy is not a priority. Talk with them about the benefits of therapy and how important it is to keep it up, even when it feels hard or when it doesn’t feel like you have time for it.
Modeling this behavior in your own life as a parent, and prioritizing your own mental health and self-care, is another way you can emphasize the importance of sticking with it.
It’s true, therapy is an ‘extra’ event that you have to factor into your schedule, however, it’s very different from a typical extracurricular activity. It’s not a luxury or something to be used as a reward; it may be a necessity for your kid’s mental and emotional well-being. (Barbash, Elyssa. “GETTING AWAY FROM THE “THERAPY IS A LUXURY” MENTALITY.” Tampa Therapy. April 25, 2017. www.tampatherapy.com/2017/04/25/getting-away-from-the-therapy-is-a-luxury-mentality/)
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Parental burnout is real. And, it’s coming up a lot right now. Summer is over, kids are adjusting to the routine of being back in school, pandemic restrictions and concerns have largely been lifted… yet many parents may be finding themselves exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed and …
It’s almost that time! We thought we’d take a moment to talk about preparing to return to school. Transitions can be tough for kids AND adults.
For some families, it might be ‘sweet relief’ to get into the structure and flow of a school year; for others, it might be a battle.
So let’s see what we can do to make it as smooth as possible.
If you know that getting up early isn’t the easiest in your house, start easing into an earlier bedtime a couple of weeks in advance instead of trying to get every last ounce out of summer and then have a rude awakening (or many rude awakenings) that no one in your house is prepared for.
This may not just be an issue for the kids but for you as a parent as well. The summer routine is usually more relaxed for everyone, not just the kids. You may not have had to wake up as early over the last couple of months since you didn’t have to get the kids to school. So your morning and bedtime schedules may have been affected.
Some kids handle transitions really well and some need more support when things change. Does your child usually have a hard time transitioning into a new school year? Do they get nervous?
If your child or family needs time to transition, maybe it means not participating in camps or going on vacation the last couple of weeks before the school year starts. Instead, make plans to have a buffer, recharge, decompression week before the first day of school.
It’s also important to talk about the changes that are coming and open discussions about what to expect, what they might be anxious about and how they will deal with their feelings if they start to get overwhelmed.
Is this a year where there is a big jump academically? LIke 3rd grade, 6th or 9th?
Is there a school change?
Did one of your child’s close friends move away and won’t be in school with them this year?
All of these are big changes that can have big impacts on your child emotionally.
If there are big changes, it might be helpful to relax expectations. The jump from elementary to middle school and middle school to high school is a big deal and the workload increases at each of those transitions. So kids may need a few less chores when they get home in the evenings so they can spend more time studying or getting extra rest for the next day.
Going to a new school, whether it’s because of a move or due to “graduating” from elementary or middle school, being in a new, unfamiliar building can cause anxiety.
Visiting the school a couple times before the first day can be helpful so it all doesn’t feel foreign. Knowing where their classrooms are, where the office, cafeteria, gym, etc. is, can help your child feel more comfortable when school begins. You could also take some time to walk the route to school or find a buddy that will be in their classroom or grade that they can connect with.
When it comes to school anxiety, The Child Mind Institute suggests, “If your child needs extra support to make a successful transition, let someone at school know — their teacher, an aide, the school psychologist or the school nurse.” (The Child Mind Institute | Back to School Anxiety, Caroline Miller | https://childmind.org/article/back-school-anxiety/). This way staff will know the signs to look for and can assist them if needed.
Once school starts things start to get busy and your calendar starts to fill up with fall activities, but it’s important to remember to check in with your child and see how things are going.
It might be helpful to set a reminder in your calendar or phone to check in after a couple of weeks to see how things are going with new teachers or new homework routines/expectations. They may be struggling with something and haven’t shared it with you but if you make a point to check in and ask questions, hopefully they will open up if they have any problems or concerns.
Hopefully your child, and your whole family, has enjoyed the summer and has some great memories from it. If that’s true, then it’s kind of sad to say goodbye to that fun time knowing it will be a whole year before you can have another one.
Most kids, and adults, need and want closure for things in their lives, it helps to cope and move forward. When one thing ends abruptly and something new immediately takes its place, it can be hard to accept.
It might be cool to wrap up the summer by creating a ritual where you do something as a family to reflect on the summer, express gratitude for the different experiences each year and, then talk about intentions or what everyone is looking forward to in the new school year. This could be a tradition that your kids can look forward to every year and while it wraps up or marks the end of summer it also builds excitement for the new school year.
This way, you have a clear ending of summer and beginning of the new school year. And you practice bringing gratitude, intentionality and presence.
We have a few other tips that we shared in a past blog on back to school, you can check it out HERE.
Does your child struggle with going back to school or transitions in general? Contact us, we can help.
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