Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
As a parent, you are constantly having to make decisions about what is best for your child and what they need. When it comes to certain behaviors and situations, the decision may not always be cut and dry, and your first thought about what they …
Most of us strive to be understanding with others, especially the people in our lives that we care about. But sometimes, without realizing it, we can begin to enable dysfunctional behaviors, when all we intended to do was help someone. So let’s talk about the …
It’s natural to feel responsible for things you’re not responsible for. Feeling like everything is on you can be exhausting and can lead to breaking you down physically and/or emotionally. Let’s talk about 3 things that you can let go of and remind yourself that you do not have to be responsible for in 2025.
We all want the people in our lives to be happy. It’s okay to want people to be happy, but to carry the weight of ensuring their happiness at all costs, will have a negative impact on you.
If you feel like it’s your job to keep someone happy, check in to see if that’s what they’re actually asking of you. And if they are, it may be time for a conversation to balance out the responsibility.
But what seems to happen more often is that we put this burden on ourselves. Making others happy may make you feel validated or liked; or maybe you don’t like conflict so you want people to be happy to keep the peace. No matter the reason, you go to great lengths to make sure people are happy, even if it means you are uncomfortable or have to do things that cause stress, or unhappiness, for yourself.
It’s not a bad thing to care about others and be concerned for their well-being. However, “the key is to examine your motivations and intentions. Don’t do things only because you fear rejection or want the approval of others. Keep doing good things, but on your own terms.”
Everyone experiences a variety of positive and negative emotions, it’s natural and nothing to be ashamed of. We don’t find ourselves apologizing for the positive ones, just the negative ones…why is that? If you wouldn’t say sorry for feeling happy, then why would you say sorry for feeling sad or upset? Those feelings are real and you shouldn’t feel like you have to apologize for them when they come up.
Apologizing for your feelings is not necessary. The only thing that could require an apology is how you handled an emotion. We discussed the habits of emotionally strong people in a previous blog; check it out to learn how to make an intentional choice to respond to your emotions in a healthy manner.
Most people fool themselves into believing that they can solve every problem in their life and the lives of their loved ones. Thinking this way can lead to unnecessary stress because when a problem can’t be solved, you feel like a failure. If there’s a problem and you can easily fix it or help to make it better, great! But you have to remember that sometimes there are things that are out of our control and we do not have the power to fix them.
You may put this pressure on yourself or others may put this pressure on you. Are you the go to person in your family or friend group that people look to when they have a problem that needs to be solved? If so, this may be flattering because it means they trust you and think you have the skills needed to fix things. But it can also be overwhelming if everyone looks to you to save them; or if you just think it’s your responsibility to save them.
“It’s okay to set boundaries, protect your energy, and let go of what isn’t yours to manage. Peace comes when we focus on what’s truly ours and release the rest.” (evolvecounselingaz. “20 Things that are Not Your Responsibility.” *Instagram, December 14, 2024, www.instagram.com/p/DDhkL7Ny2Rg/?igsh=ZGUzMzM3NWJiOQ%3D%3D)
Do what you can to help solve problems for others, or yourself, but accept the fact that you may not be able to always fix it and that’s okay.
Going into a new year is a chance to look at what behaviors and habits have served you well over the last year and what has caused you stress or held you back in some way. Letting go of the things that you do not have to be responsible for can lead to a happier, healthier year for you and those close to you. If you need support to assess and address your own behaviors and habits, contact us, we can help.
It’s common for people to use the words nice and kind interchangeably because they think they mean the same thing. But it’s possible to be one and not the other. You may think in order to be nice you have to always agree with people …
It’s the time of year where you probably have more contact with your family members. This means conversations may be coming up where you learn that a family member is needing your support. There is strong societal messaging around the fact that you should always …
Hard conversations make everyone sweat a little. Especially if there weren’t great examples for how to handle hard conversations growing up.
So, because they’re unpleasant, it’s tempting to try and avoid them. But ultimately, sometimes not having the conversation requires more work than actually having it.
Let’s talk about why this is true and then we’ll get into some quick tips that can make hard conversations easier to approach.
Being fake, covering up feelings and managing resentment that’s building every single time the issue comes up, actually takes up a lot of your emotional bandwidth. It can be very stressful.
Telling white lies (“yeah, we’re good”; “oh, no I was just busy that’s why I didn’t respond”) also takes up mental bandwidth. You find yourself typing then retyping messages to figure out what to say or consulting your BFF for help; and then if you give an excuse or make up something to say you have to keep up the story. It’s exhausting!
What if you just don’t want to see the person for a while? Then you’re figuring out how to not run into them and altering your timing or plans.
We’ve all been there. Now that I’m laying it out…can you see how much work is going into not having a hard conversation?
Is the conversation actually that hard that you need to do all that? Are you saving yourself some stress or creating more?
Of course, there are circumstances that may make it unsafe to have a hard conversation with someone. That does happen sometimes and if there is a possibility that it may not be safe for you, then it’s great to talk with a professional about how to deal with this situation. If you feel like it is not safe to have open dialogue with someone close to you in your life, please reach out and contact us.
Otherwise, even if nothing is going to immediately change, it’s important to practice having hard conversations. It is possible that the hard conversations you need to have now will lay the groundwork for change later.
So, what are some ways to make hard conversations less hard?
Keep the conversation short and sweet. Say the basics:
This happened or this is the circumstance.
This is how I feel about it, what’s this like for you?
Let’s talk about how we can move forward.
This could be sharing news that might not be great or it could be a repair conversation (which is when you talk through something hard that happened and you want to repair the relationship). If it’s a repair conversation, check out this post.
“Be clear and specific in your own mind about what you want to accomplish; don’t just go into the conversation with a vague negative feeling and an intention to let it out.” (Soeiro, Loren. “7 Tips for Getting Through Difficult Conversations.” Psychology Today. May 25, 2021. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/202105/7-tips-getting-through-difficult-conversations)
Sometimes anxiety about a situation can make it seem more complicated but it really doesn’t have to be complex at all; you just need to express what you’re feeling. Going into the conversation with a positive mindset, knowing what you want to say and how you would like it to go can reduce anxiety.
Having a hard conversation is not something that should be rushed. Make sure it’s initiated in a moment where everyone has the time and attention to give to the conversation.
You will want everyone involved to feel relaxed and like they have the time to express what they want to say and they are not cut short.
Also, don’t drop a bomb on a text or while you’re rushing out the door.
Check out our blog post here to learn about this technique. You will need to accept the fact that it’s going to be uncomfortable leading up to it, but you can do hard things!
If you are trying to talk yourself out of having a hard conversation with someone, consider the impact if you DON’T have the conversation.
Do you really want to go on hiding and making up stories in order to avoid what really needs to happen, which is being truthful and talking it out?
Having a difficult conversation is a way to grow as a person and to strengthen your relationships with others.
It may not be easy but it is necessary for your peace of mind and to move forward. If you need help navigating a difficult conversation or relationship, contact us today.
It’s super common for parents of teens to come to a session saying that they want their kids to stop being on their phone so much or stop treating home like a hotel. It’s a hard transition when teens start to put so much of …
It’s super easy to get pulled into power struggles with your kids and sometimes it doesn’t seem too obvious until you’re at your limits. So let’s take a look at what this looks like and how to step out of it. What is a power …
It’s only recently that emotional maturity has been the focus of attention and this is great news. Emotional immaturity has been the cause of so much distress in our lives and relationships and now we are learning to do better.
The operative word is learning!
Check out some of the indicators of emotional maturity and emotional immaturity to see where there could be emotional immaturity sneaking around causing some underlying stress.
“Emotional maturity means having the self-control to manage your emotions and work to understand them.” (Eatough, Erin. “Connect with your emotions: how to improve emotional maturity”. betterup.com. November, 25, 2022. www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-be-emotionally-mature)
If someone is emotionally mature then they recognize that feelings and emotions are important and nothing to be ashamed of or ignore; and they don’t think it makes them a weak person to acknowledge this.
For most people this doesn’t come naturally and it takes some work to get to a point where this perspective is the norm. It can be a process, and that’s okay. This is common for most self-improvement journeys and with age and experience it can become a little easier, but anyone at any age can take steps towards, and be successful at, becoming more emotionally mature if they put in the effort.
“Emotional immaturity is a person’s inability to express or cope with emotions that are serious in nature. People who are emotionally immature may also overreact to situations or have trouble controlling their emotions.” (Bottaro, Angelica. “Warning Signs of Emotional Immaturity”. verwellhealth.com. March, 25, 2022. www.verywellhealth.com/emotional-immaturity-warning-signs)
People who are emotionally immature usually have trouble connecting with others. It will present in a variety of ways such as how they think, their behaviors and the way they communicate with others.
They may go from 0-100 on an emotional scale very quickly. If things don’t go their way they may react impulsively and end up saying or doing something hurtful. Or they may hide their emotions because they struggle to express them altogether.
Developing emotional maturity will have a positive effect on you in your everyday life, here’s how you will see it show up:
(www.verywellhealth.com/emotional-immaturity-warning-signs)
Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist) shares some steps on how to become more emotionally mature and she emphasizes that people can develop emotional maturity at any age. Here are a few:
When it comes to emotional maturity a lot of it centers around being comfortable with and secure with yourself. This can take time so you shouldn’t expect it to happen overnight.
It also means taking responsibility for your thoughts, behaviors and actions, learning and growing through them and committing to moving towards a more growth oriented outlook.
If you find yourself getting easily upset, overly angry, or lashing out at others when things don’t go your way or you are disappointed, then it might be time to focus on taking your emotional maturity to the next level. It will take time but with intentional practice you can move into a more constructive, mature place with your emotions.
Throughout your life you will connect with people you encounter at school, work, and in your personal life. As you develop relationships with different people you will need to utilize a variety of skills to maintain positive, healthy relationships that make life more enjoyable. In …