Tag: Teen Therapy

The Hidden Self-Criticism Teenage Girls Carry

The Hidden Self-Criticism Teenage Girls Carry

Teenage girls can quietly carry a persistent self-criticism that others can’t see from the outside. They may appear to have it all together, but internally they question their worth, don’t acknowledge their strengths, and assume they are falling short.  Because this struggle is mostly internal, 

So you want your teenager to spend more time at home? Let’s talk about it.

So you want your teenager to spend more time at home? Let’s talk about it.

It’s super common for parents of teens to come to a session saying that they want their kids to stop being on their phone so much or stop treating home like a hotel. It’s a hard transition when teens start to put so much of 

Our top 3 Recommended Instagram Accounts

Our top 3 Recommended Instagram Accounts

Social media, whether we like it or not, has an impact on the therapy world. In therapy, we often educate our clients about mental health, family dynamics, and emotional wellness.  We normalize and validate experiences to create a platform for the work you come to therapy to do.  Now a lot of that is also happening on social media, so that first part of creating a platform for the work starts happening outside of sessions or before you even start therapy. This can really add to the efficiency of therapy. 

What’s helpful is when clients get high quality information and bring questions about it to session so we can work with you on unpacking how that information does or doesn’t apply to you and your family. 

These are the top 3 Instagram accounts we refer clients to: 

The Holistic Psychologist – @the.holistic.psychologist

We love this account because there is high quality comprehensive information about trauma, family dynamics, relationships, emotional and nervous system regulation.  In addition to sharing helpful information on her account, Dr. Nicole LePera also has a podcast, YouTube channel, blog and a book that may be very helpful for our clients.  

 

Somatic Experiencing – @somaticexperiencingint

This account curates excellent information from a number of different accounts that speak to body based therapies and information about self regulation, emotional health and healing trauma. Here you will find information about events and trainings, as well as helpful tips about how to cope using somatic experiencing techniques.  

“Somatic Experiencing is a body-oriented therapeutic model that helps heal trauma and other stress disorders. Developed by Peter Levine, Ph.D., it is the result of the multidisciplinary study of stress physiology, psychology, ethology, biology, neuroscience, indigenous healing practices, and medical biophysics, with more than 45 years of successful clinical application.” (traumahealing.org)

 

Big Little Feelings – @biglittlefeelings

There is a lot of information out there on parenting and the best sources are going to be ones that align with your parenting philosophy and your child’s temperament.  But don’t stress… you don’t have to know what your “parenting philosophy” is, simply consider how posts generally align with what feels right to you.  It’s OK for some ideas to feel activating at first, sometimes that means this is challenging and updating your beliefs.  However, if everything feels like it has a rub for you, it might not be aligned for you and your family and that’s OK! 

We love this one in particular because it provides helpful updates to some old school parenting techniques.  Kristin (a parent coach), and Deena (child therapist/parent coach) are the two ladies behind this account and they are not only experts in their field, they are real moms dealing with the same real issues as every other parent.  They are very relatable and help parents feel like they are not alone with their parenting struggles.  

There will always be accounts on social media that share inaccurate information when it comes to mental health, so we encourage our clients to exercise caution when going online for guidance and help.  That is why we are quick to share accounts that we find, and follow ourselves, that share quality, relevant information that can be helpful.

Of course, social media is not going to answer all of your questions or solve all of your problems.  That’s why it is important to consider therapy if you are having a hard time coping with feelings or situations that have a negative impact on your life.  If you feel you’re ready to take that next step and start therapy, contact us, we’re here to help.
How Do You Know When You Need A Break From Social Media?

How Do You Know When You Need A Break From Social Media?

A lot of parents bring up phone time and social media use as concerns in sessions. We thought we’d take a minute to talk about this because it’s important for teens, but also for you as adults. Social media and screen time are here to 

Tik Tok + Your Teen:  What To Do If Your Teen Thinks They Have a Serious Mental Health Issue

Tik Tok + Your Teen: What To Do If Your Teen Thinks They Have a Serious Mental Health Issue

As we discussed in our last post, there are some aspects of mental health being discussed on social media that we love; and there are some parts that are making things hard.   We know there are a lot of conversations happening in households across the 

Social Media and Mental Health Awareness: The Pros and Cons

Social Media and Mental Health Awareness: The Pros and Cons

Information of all kinds is so much more accessible these days than it has been in the past.  And, on the bright side, there has been a significant rise in information and awareness around mental health issues.  After decades of shame and stigma surrounding mental health, we welcome this.  The pendulum is swinging. But there are some pros and cons to the topic of mental health coming to the forefront.  

Let’s talk through this. 

The advantages

It saves time in therapy

Before information on mental health was readily available, part of the work in therapy was spent providing psycho-education and reframing anxiety, depression, and life stressors.

Essentially getting everyone (parents, teachers, siblings) in a system on the same page to support our clients was an important part of our sessions and treatment overall. This is still important but the time we need to spend on it has decreased  because this kind of awareness is showing up regularly in many places; places like the media, in the workplace and in normal everyday conversations.  If we are faced with any resistance from parents or others in the clients’ life, there are multiple reliable and  relatable resources available we can share.

Now there is a more commonplace language and understanding around trauma, anxiety, depression, self care etc.  In years past these things were “hush-hush” or somewhat taboo to discuss, but there has been a movement to normalize them and talk about them without shame.

This makes the therapy experience less alienating and helps people  embrace the process sooner.

 

We can take the work deeper

Once they begin therapy, clients are much more ready to talk about trauma or symptoms because there is so much less stigma around it.  There is also a chance that they have already done some research on their own or have spoken with others who have experienced some of the same things they have.

If clients have already been educating themselves by watching videos and reading about mental health issues, then there is a curiosity already present about the internal world and how everything is working.  This allows clients to be more receptive to the work and ready to build their self awareness and skill sets.  They have already taken some steps down the path to wellness before even starting therapy.  

Clients can bring what they see on social media into sessions and any realizations or questions they have as a result of what they have seen to  be clarified by the therapist.  The therapist can build on and individualize the application of that information so there is a synergy of work going on inside and outside of the session. 

The client is essentially taking  information gleaned from social media or any other online source, and filtering it through the therapist who has experience and knowledge to determine what parts are relevant to their individual situation.  

This allows the sessions to go deeper and for the client to feel more invested because they are contributing what they have learned on their own.

 

The Disadvantages

Misinformation

Since literally anyone can post anything on social media, there are going to be better sources of information than others. Unfortunately, some people want to position themselves as experts and end up sharing misinformation.  

There are trends on social media that target mental and emotional health topics, like boundaries or toxic relationships, that are not fully true or helpful.  There just isn’t an effective way for things like this to be policed or stopped, so it happens.

Sometimes this information can also turn into a crutch or a weapon. 

For example, someone may share on social media that it’s important for your mental health to set boundaries and cut people off who have wronged you in the past.  While it is important to set boundaries with people, it could be damaging to your mental well being to push people away every time they make a mistake instead of working through the problem with them.  

It may be a relationship that can be salvaged and the process of working through it empowering and healing for all involved.  But following that one piece of advice found on social media could be a crutch you are using to avoid actually doing the work and moving forward.  

This is why it’s important to not take everything you see on social media at face value, and this is with everything, obviously, not just mental health information.  There are big topics that someone is trying to capture in a meme and it’s just more nuanced than that.

A therapist can help you decipher what is good information and what is information that may have more of a negative impact than a positive one.  

 

Misuse of Information

As with anything, we hear and see what we want to hear and see.   If we approach things in a positive way we see the positive in it; if we have a negative approach then we will only see what is wrong.  We can look at the same post online and see something totally different than what the next person sees because we have different perspectives, different backgrounds and a different attitude that determines how we interpret things. 

So we often misuse information we gather online because we may be seeing what we want to see, instead of the true intent behind it.  We can get really good at spinning things to our advantage and making it fit our own agenda or work to achieve what we want it to achieve.  

What happens on the internet is no different.  In fact, the algorithm literally works to show you things you “like”.  Once you give it feedback by liking or commenting on a post, it is keeping a tally of that type of content to show you more of it.  Eventually you really won’t see a whole lot of the things you don’t like so you start to assume what you do like is the ONLY way or the ONLY option because you are not exposed to anything different.

Like with anything else in the world, we have to take the good with the bad.  Social media is no different.  It’s definitely a good thing that mental health is now a topic that is discussed and embraced with less shame or stigma than in the past.  But we all have a responsibility to do our due diligence and filter the information we are consuming online through a trusted source or professional so that we don’t unintentionally cause more damage to our well being while trying to make it better.

 

If you have found information on social media about mental health and it has led you to realize that you may need to take that next step and work with a therapist contact us, we can help.   

 

Getting Your Teen to Master the Basics

Getting Your Teen to Master the Basics

As a parent, if you can teach your teen to master the basics then you will be setting them up to cope with the stressors of life in a healthy way. All parents want to prepare their children to be able to face challenging situations 

Tips for Staying Motivated During Distance Learning with Anna Pirkl, MFT, ATR, LAADC

Tips for Staying Motivated During Distance Learning with Anna Pirkl, MFT, ATR, LAADC

Our very own Anna Pirkl, MFT, ATR, LADAAC partnered with South Bay Families Connected and created this wonderful series of short videos to support you in staying motivated during distance learning. I know everyone can use some support in this area. I love how the 

Should You Push Your Child to Be In Therapy?

Should You Push Your Child to Be In Therapy?

So you see that your child, preteen or teen could really benefit from therapy. And, your child, preteen or teen doesn’t want to do it.

This is a tough dilemma. One that comes from being an aware and attuned parent. So, right there, you are already winning. You are doing a great job.

I do believe therapy is incredibly beneficial, especially when it is therapy with a therapist that is a great fit (there is alignment with their clinical style, their philosophy on healing, how they practice and personality wise). AND, I believe timing and willingness make a difference. Just like with anything important you will endeavor in life.

So, should you push your kid to be in therapy?

There are a couple of reasons where you would need to use your authority as a parent to push this mandate.

  1. If you believe there could be a safety issue. This means you are concerned that your child or teen might be engaging in self harm or thinking about it. This means self harm in terms of literal physical harm, meaning they are having thoughts of not wanting to live. Or self harm in terms of how they are treating their body (disordered eating, using substances) or they are putting themselves in risky situations such that you are concerned for their physical safety.
  2. If there is a major life event occurring that requires support in order for your child or teen to develop in a healthy way. This could be the death of a family member or person close to your child or teen. This could mean a divorce, the diagnosis of a serious illness, a traumatic event or a discovery of some form of abuse. I’m sure there are events I am missing, but this is just a list to give you an idea.

If you need to mandate that your child be in therapy, it is helpful that both parents support this notion whole heartedly, present that united front and take actions/engage in dialogue that support that position. Otherwise, if one parent is not on board, this can cause some further tension, resistance and splitting. Your child or teen will see that as their way out.

If you are going to require therapy for your teen or child, you can find a place to give them some power of choice. For example: it may be in the power to choose a therapist (you can ask potential therapists for short in person consultations and most will gladly do this free of charge).

If you do need to mandate therapy, be matter of fact about it. Just let them know: this is the behavior or circumstance showing up that lets me know we need more help. It should not an attack on who they are or how they are doing in life.

Finally, you can work with the therapist you choose to structure sessions in such a way that can be mindful of and take into the account the resistance. See this last post about different kinds of resistance and what to do about them.

If you feel like your situation is on the verge of meeting the above criteria, you can always require a series of sessions that has an end date so your child or teen knows there is a limit to this. I would try 10 sessions. Just because it gives enough time for a potential therapeutic relationship to develop, for some skills to be gathered and seeds to be planted. Consider finding a therapist that would be a match for the kind of resistance your child or teen displays. See the post I mentioned in the last paragraph.

Here are some reasons not to push therapy when you child or teen is resistant to it:

  1. While you have concerns that are big enough to feel like your kid needs therapy, there is not a safety risk or major event that would require professional support. Your family might benefit from letting your child or teen know that this is an available resource, a short comment about how it can be helpful (include how it has helped you if you have been to therapy) and that they can ask for this anytime. Keep this brief and to the point. The goal is to drop bread crumbs for them to pick up.
  2. You want their motivation to be what drives therapy. If you are constantly telling them they need to go and they don’t want to, the energy is in the power struggle and that will make it difficult for them to really own choose it for themselves. For your child or teen to be motivated to come to therapy might have you white knuckling it, but it will be worth the wait. The sessions will be more helpful and more productive because of your kids’ investment in it. That means you will save money, time and fighting. Yes! Just remember their threshold for realizing they need to reach out for help will probably be higher than yours. Just like their threshold for tolerating a messy room is higher than yours 🙂
  3. You don’t want to spoil therapy for them in the long run. It is a phenomenal resource when you are ready for it. So, there could come a time in their life when they really need it. You don’t want to set up a terrible experience by trying to push past their resistance when it is not necessary (in the big picture) and then end up making it something they would not access on their own later in life.

Of course, if you have questions or there are nuances to your situation and you are not sure what to do, contact us!

We are happy to help you sort through it to find the best path ahead, even if it is not with One Heart Counseling Center. We just want people to be able to get the help needed at the time it is needed.

When Your Child or Teen is Resistant to Therapy: What to Do

When Your Child or Teen is Resistant to Therapy: What to Do

There are lots of first phone calls that start with “my child [or teenager] needs therapy, but I don’t know what is going to work”. Some parents will say: “maybe I’m the one who needs help!”. Or they say: “we’ve tried therapy before, but it