Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
Boundaries are one of the most important ways you care for your relationships and for yourself. It’s a way of being honest about what works for you and what doesn’t. This has nothing to do with being selfish. When you are not clear with others …
Blissful Kids was created by a Dad who started teaching mindfulness to his son at just 6 years old. I found this website when I was looking for ways to teach my clients mindfulness strategies. I have used this website to support kids, families and …
You are not alone! Many people have the experience of these conflicting states at times and this Huffington Post article brings together what people have to say about it. I find it helpful when I know there are others who have similar experiences. And I see my clients experiencing relief when I normalize their experiences.
Of course there are varying degrees of anxious and depressive feelings. Ranging from circumstantial and transient to more clinically significant, full blown anxiety and depression. I don’t love the title of the article because it doesn’t imply there is a range. You don’t have to be clinically diagnosed to experience what these people are saying!A
However, I appreciate the real accounts of how it can feel.
And I like the topic because clients will sometimes report these competing states and feel confused or stuck.
The best part is this: “Anxiety and depression have a way of shrinking your world. The first steps to expanding your life again are accepting that it is OK to not feel OK.” Matthew Emerzian, CEO and founder of Every Monday Matters, a not-for-profit organization that helps people with self-worth
I think that is a phenomenal starting point: It is OK not to feel OK.
Once you land there, relief is near. Once you accept that it is OK not to feel OK, you can get in touch with what it is that makes it feel like you are not OK. Anxiety is just a state that is the result of built up emotion, not an actual emotion.
Once you get in touch with the feeling(s) by being present, you download the message, you let the body metabolize the feelings and you are on your way back to feeling OK.
If it is more of a pervasive anxiety or depression, I know that can feel so hard. You can feel stuck. And that is good time to get some support to help you get to the bottom of it and through it. We are here for you! Contact us.
Anna Pirkl, MFT, ATR, LAADAC, one of our One Heart therapists, partners with South Bay Families Connected to do outreach in the community on her own time, outside of her work with OHCC. South Bay Families Connected is a non-profit organization whose mission it is …
Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, there are currents of thought that run through our collective society. They can be embedded posts you see on social media, come out of the mouths of your friends or family or through storylines on shows …
Finally, there is a way to understand what many people have been living. These are people who have long felt there is something wrong with them because they are not like the majority of people.
Dr. Eliane Aron, a clinical psychologist, has pioneered the research about highly sensitive peopleand found that they comprise about 15-20% of the population. “According to Dr. Aron’s definition, the highly sensitive person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment”. Compared to others, a highly sensitive person processes “everything around them much more—reflect on it, elaborate on it, make associations”.
Want to know if you have this trait? Take this test.
Dr. Julie Orloff is a psychiatrist and UCLA faculty member who has written about empaths. She writes that empaths have all the qualities of an HSP but also experience subtle energy. She says: “since everything is made of subtle energy, including emotions and physical sensations, [we] energetically internalize the feelings and pain of others”. There is more extensive information on this in her book “The Empath’s Survival Guide”.
What to know if you are an empath? Take this test.
Ok, so, obviously, if you are an HSP, an empath or both, you are living life in vivid color. At least from your own internal point of view. I might even call it multidimensional.
There’s a lot to process! That can cause the need to have space and time to reflect.
If this is you, you might not know this is what you need and you find yourself being really irritable and grumpy then thinking you are a horrible person for being that way.
You’re not.
The need for space, reflection and the time to process is VITAL. And it is OK for you to have that need.
Responsibility for our sensitivity.
Yes, there needs to be space for the information about these traits to disseminate into the collective, for people to start to understand their nature. For there to be permission for this way of being.
There needs to be an acknowledgement that there is nothing wrong with you. It is important for you to experience the relief of that acknowledgement and internalize it.
It is disempowering to feel like we are a victim of our sensitivity or perceptive nature.
“I can’t do x y z, I’m an HSP or Empath” is an accepting of your nature, yes. And that is an important step. Especially since you have tried and others have tried to fit you into the societal paradigm of striving, productivity and achievement.
However, this process of accepting your sensitivity does not stop there. There is the step of embracing of your sensitivity and living powerfully with it.
You have likely spent a long time trying to stop or change these things about yourself. That makes it tough to see the gifts of these traits.
How does your sensitivity show up as an asset in your work? As a parent? As a partner?
Do you have intuitive gifts that you might not yet be fully accessing because you have been trying to fit the mold? It might be a good time to start exploring those. As you explore those, you might come to find more enjoyment of your nature.
How much rest do you need?
How much time do you need to transition between activities?
How many hours can you work?
How many social activities can you do during the week or on the weekend?
What kind of recovery is most effective for you? Is it being in nature, reading, meditating, staring at the wall?
If you are going to go somewhere where there are crowds of people and that can be taxing on you, prepare for it. That might mean doing less stimulating things before and after. Or finding ways to protect your energy. It could mean making sure you give yourself enough time to get to the activity. Sometimes I will feel resistant to doing something so I delay then I end up rushing and that sends me off the edge.
It might take some time to figure out your formula for how much activity and stimulation your system allows. Or to know how much recovery, rest or downtime you need. And what kind of rest, recovery or downtime you need.
Keep a journal of this as you experiment.
Helping your loved ones understand your traits will take some time too. Send them this post if that would be helpful.
We have all either thought or said this at some point: “you wouldn’t act like this if you loved me.” I have to tell you something: this belief is probably causing unnecessary pain and suffering. There is this prevailing thought that people act one certain …
When you are beyond stressed, there are very few self care remedies that you feel like doing. Even if they are going to do wonders for you like exercise or breathing or meditation. Honestly, when I am beyond, I could care less about what is …
I’m pretty sure you would answer with a resounding “YES!” if I asked you whether you wanted to raise your child to be resilient.
Right, because you care about raising a child that can be a successful, well adjusted, contributing member to society.
See these articles about educator’s perspectives on this subject here and here (this one is what made the term go viral recently).
It is the successor of the famous parenting temptation called “helicopter parenting”.
In essence, it means trying to “mow” down obstacles for your child so that they feel cared for and do not have to experience struggle.
Of course, every parent wants their child to be happy. And, to be honest, a kid who is not having big emotions also makes your job easier in the moment. It is HARD to watch your kids struggle.
It’s about the long game here.
Because life is not something we get to control, there will always be moments of challenge and struggle. Circumstances will occur that we cannot change.
Because this is just the truth of living as a human being on the planet, we are best served by learning how to manage our internal world as opposed to trying to control external circumstances.
By giving your children the opportunity to navigate these feelings and responses to circumstances outside themselves on a smaller scale (feels big in the moment!) like hurt feelings between friends at girl scouts, you are giving them the opportunity to train for what they will encounter as adults (maybe office politics or competition in sports or raising children of their own).
This, of course, will depend on their age and maturity level.
It requires mindful consideration about when it will be best to let them work through it.
Sometimes the best time to let them work through it is when you have enough resources to help them navigate the challenge.
Sometimes is it not best to let them work through a struggle when you are also struggling. When you are depleted, it is hard to coach them through the wave of emotion.
And, it takes some practice to be able to breathe through the discomfort of your child’s emotions arising.
It is something you can always ask other parents, teachers or a therapist about if you are not sure what that line should be of allowing them to practice managing adversity or coming in to offer support.
Whether it feels like one thing after another or it feels like big things are not going your way, there is a helpful way to look at it. We all know that there is no “there” to get to where everything is perfect, when we …