If you are struggling with infertility or pregnancy related challenges, watching others get pregnant quickly can be a tough terrain to navigate. There is no right or wrong way to feel, but sometimes negative feelings can take over and that’s normal. Let’s talk about why this happens.
The emotional impact of others’ pregnancy announcements
The emotions you have when someone else announces their pregnancy, while you are struggling to get pregnant, can be complex. They can range from happiness to sadness, frustration, envy, to thinking you are not deserving or worthy of being a parent.
Seeing others experience the joy of sharing that they are expecting can make your reality of not experiencing this yet feel more real. When it is something that you are longing for this is a disappointing reminder of your situation and it hurts. So even if you are happy for them, you can still feel sad.
Sometimes your sadness can turn into frustration and be internalized as self-blame, because you can’t understand how it is so easy for others but difficult for you. This can lead to anger, not only at the situation but towards people who don’t really understand how you are struggling.
“Grief, the process in coming to terms with not conceiving as we wanted to, nor often at the time we wanted to, includes anger. We may also be angry about the time spent thinking about fertility and money spent too.” (Sainsbury, Tracey. “Caring for your mental health when trying to conceive.” Fertility Network UK. https://fertilitynetworkuk.org/caring-for-your-mental-health-when-trying-to-conceive)
As you long for the experience of being able to share your own pregnancy announcement, you may become envious of those who are able to easily get pregnant. It’s not that you don’t care for these people and want the best for them, it’s just hard to see them enter the journey with ease.
Unless that is someone else that you are close to that has gone through it before, or is currently going through it, struggling to get pregnant can make you feel alone. Although people in your life may be supportive, it’s hard for them to relate to what you are feeling and that can be isolating.
The psychology of “why not me?”
People who are struggling with infertility or challenges in conceiving commonly experience feelings of unfairness, frustration, or that they are personally inadequate.
When someone thinks “Why not me?” it’s because as humans we have this inherent sense of fairness. We think it’s only fair that good things should happen to good people, and that if you have done everything “right”, you should be rewarded with the thing you desire. When it’s not happening but others seemingly get pregnant effortlessly, this reinforces a feeling of being singled out.
“When we perceive unfairness, the brain activates emotional centers tied to social pain, which is why unfairness can feel personally hurtful, even when it doesn’t directly affect us.” (Jhutty, Dr. Saira. “Coping with Jealousy During Infertility: A Psychiatrist’s Guide to Healing.” June 4, 2025. https://www.cofertility.com/family-learn/coping-with-jealousy-during-infertility-a-psychiatrists-guide-to-healing)
So you think “Why not me?” because there is a sense that you somehow don’t deserve the same outcome.
As humans, we compare ourselves to others, especially in situations that are significant. Socially, we evaluate ourselves relative to other people, especially when we are determining how we are doing in life.
Being able to conceive and have children may be tied to your sense of identity, self-worth, and life goals. If you can’t, it can feel like a failure to fulfill your role or purpose.
Healthy ways to support yourself during this season
It’s important to recognize that all of these feelings that you are experiencing are valid. It’s okay to feel hurt when you see someone else celebrating and you are not a bad person for having these emotions.
Setting boundaries is key. This can include taking a break from social media, opting out of attending baby showers if it feels too difficult, and politely declining to engage in conversations about pregnancy, parenting, etc. This is not rude, it is self-care because protecting your mental health is essential.
It’s also very healthy to talk to someone you trust like a close friend or your partner. Expressing your feelings is helpful to release the weight of carrying them alone. Some find comfort in connecting with others who are currenting experiencing the same thing or have in the past through support groups or online communities.
“Say the things you’re scared to say out loud. Cry. Laugh. Rant about your partner’s terrible timing. Connection is one of the most powerful tools for protecting your mental health and feeling less alone in this weird limbo.”
Sometimes it’s easier to talk with a therapist because it gives you an outside perspective and they are trained to help you process your emotions and work with people walking this same path.
When it comes to managing this very challenging time, remember to be kind to yourself. You may not be on the path you thought you would be on and that’s okay, the struggle is not a reflection of your self-worth. Each person has a different story so focus on your journey and try not to compare yourself to others.
If you need help or support navigating what you are going through, contact us, we are here for you.
