Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
As a parent, if you can teach your teen to master the basics then you will be setting them up to cope with the stressors of life in a healthy way. All parents want to prepare their children to be able to face challenging situations …
When clients are going through a difficult time, they often want to work through the stressors. Of course. However, I often redirect them to really focusing on the basics to create a stable platform from which to address what is happening. Creating that stability makes …
It’s very common for parents to feel lost when it comes to dealing with the challenges of parenting a teen. If these challenges become too much for your teenager, and you feel you need additional support to help them, therapy may be a wise option.
Parents usually have questions about what to expect when their teenager is in therapy because it is different from having a younger child in therapy. Let’s talk about that today so you will be prepared and know what questions to ask when you are looking for a therapist for your teen.
Therapy for your teenager will typically be more effective if they feel they can share information freely without input or the opinions of the adults in their life. If your teen feels comfortable, they might give their therapist consent to share specific details from their session with you. If not, the therapist will share some general observations from time to time to keep you apprised of how things are going in treatment.
Most important to the efficacy of treatment is your teenager’s ability to trust their therapist. That means your teenager’s therapist will focus on being transparent and not hold secrets. That can look like the therapist sharing about times when you have communicated with the therapist.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share information with your teen’s therapist. Sharing information is often helpful because you can trust that the therapist will address what you have shared in a therapeutic way. When you are looking for a therapist for your teen, it’s a good idea to find out how they present information from parents in their sessions. You may also want to find out how the therapist involves parents in sessions and how often they check in with parents.
When a safety issue arises the therapist will share information with you in the interest of maintaining your teenager’s safety. The therapist will talk with your teen the importance of getting their parent(s) involved when there is a safety issue to preserve trust and model boundaries. The therapist will explain why it is necessary to get parents involved and will support your teen in making a decision about how to best talk to you about the issue.
Prior to beginning therapy, it is helpful to have a conversation about your views on what constitutes a safety issue and understand where those lines are for the therapistl. This way both you and the therapist will be on the same page and prepared to work together if any safety issues surface during therapy.
Many parents struggle with taking a step back and allowing their teen the space they need to put in the work involved with therapy. This can be hard because you become accustomed to being very involved when they are younger.
Your teenager may experience difficulties or setbacks, but learning to navigate these challenges on their own is an important stage in their development. Selecting a therapist that both you and your teen trust should make the process a little easier because you can be confident that the therapist is available to be a wise sounding board for your teen, and you are not the only adult supporting them.
Focusing on your indirect involvement can be just as helpful, if not more helpful, than your direct involvement. This means you are assessing areas in your own life that may need to be adjusted and/or improved because they may be contributing to some of the concerns you have about your teen.
There may be things that your teen is doing that you disapprove of, yet you may be, unknowingly, doing similar things. If this is the case you could be indirectly insinuating that what they are doing is okay. This awareness can make a difference because it will not only help you make positive changes, but it can also bring about positive changes in your teen and your family as a whole.
It’s a good idea to have your own therapeutic support in place to ensure that your investment in therapy is beneficial and effective for both you and your teenager.
It’s not uncommon for your goals and your teen’s goals to differ when it comes to what should be addressed in therapy. If your goals are not aligned, that’s okay.
When your teen is starting therapy, having them get on board and engage is important, so it’s a good idea to prioritize their goals. Your teenager will be responsible for the work done in therapy and they will work harder on a goal that is important to them. The self-motivation created by focusing on their own goals first can be key when it comes to making progress in therapy. In a word, it can get the ball rolling.
Your teen will experience changes while in therapy and most likely, changes will trigger new feelings. Even if a positive change occurs, you or your teen may feel uncomfortable when dealing with the change. As a parent you can prepare yourself for this to ensure that you are supportive during this time.
Hopefully new patterns and routines will also begin to emerge and this can be unfamiliar and challenging as well. This should be expected and is not a cause for concern. It can be helpful to anticipate what changes may trigger these feelings. The changes and feelings that your teen, and your family, will experience during therapy are indicators that you are all moving towards a healthy place.
Making the decision to pursue therapy for your child Parenting is hard and it is even more challenging when your child is struggling and needs more support than you can provide. You may have gotten to this point because the feelings of frustration, worry and …
The topic of chores tends to come up in therapy for a number of reasons. Sometimes it is because parents are exhausted. Or, it is an inquiry into what is realistic. And other times it is because learning responsibility (and independence) is what would be …
And there is good reason for it!
Have you seen these? Do they pertain to you?
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Do You Get Irritated a Lot? You Are Not a Monster.
If you find yourself thinking “ya, this is me and I should know more about this” in any of these posts, contact us.
We’d love to support you in going deeper into using this information to create more peace, stability and emotional well being in your life.
This question comes up a lot. And for good reason. For parents, it can come up around whether to mandate that a child follow through with something like a sports commitment. For adults, it can come up around whether to stay at a demanding job …
How many times have you been in a conversation with a well meaning loved one and you were told something like “don’t cry”, “don’t worry”, “at least xyz didn’t happen” or “you know what you should do….”? What happened next? Did you feel heard? Did …
Therapy is not cheap. It requires resources. Both time and money, obviously. But in order for it to be as effective as possible, it requires your energy and attention.
I think therapy can benefit most people, regardless of how well or how poorly life seems to be going. Increasingly, people are coming to therapy to be proactive about their mental health or the health of their relationships. I love this because every person, couple, family that invests in themselves in that way supports better physical health, relationship satisfaction and overall well being for themselves and those around them.
While simply engaging in therapy is a big step and can be very helpful, it’s important to understand that the degree to which you benefit is very much within your control.
If your therapist teaches you a strategy to manage a symptom or difficulty coming up, there is a really good reason for it. Many skills therapists teach to manage depression, anxiety, stress or communication issues have proven research behind them. Even if the skill seems simple.
If you don’t think that strategy will help, ask your therapist why your therapist thinks that skill will be helpful to you. The worst thing you can do is say “Ok”, then never try it. Honestly, that’s akin to taking a percentage of what you paid for your session and putting it into a shredder. I don’t think you would do that.
If you think you might have a hard time implementing the strategy, tell your therapist. That way you guys can find something you can do. Doing things that are inconvenient, uncomfortable or not natural to you are usually required for getting different results.
One hundred percent of my clients who reach their goals in therapy have done so because they actually implemented the things we discussed in session. That can be you too.
Your therapist went through a lot of training to be able to offer accurate reflections. If you trust your therapist and feel aligned with the way they work, make it a point to really consider what they are reflecting back to you. Even (and especially) if you don’t like it.
My therapist says surprising things to me regularly. She’s known me for over 15 years. She supports me and helps me find compassion for myself in difficult moments. And, she also reflects back to me things I didn’t think were true about myself. She did it last week. And, you know what? I really appreciate that. I don’t lash out at her. I don’t argue. I simply take what she says and take my time to consider if what she said is really true about me.
Want to take it a step further? Notice patterns that regularly come up in your life. It might be a reaction you regularly have to your child, partner, parent or coworker. You might find yourself repeatedly involved in certain circumstances. Bring what you notice to your therapist and ask for their help in seeing what you could learn about yourself from those patterns.
Those patterns are coming up repeatedly for a reason: there is something that is being shown to you so you can learn to do it differently and grow…maybe to grow closer to what you really want.
Sometimes those insights are hard won. Don’t let them simply float away. Not only that, continue your self reflection between sessions. Make sure to put those insights to work.
You don’t go to a trainer once a week and expect to reach a healthy weight or get stronger. You go to learn the exercises and the skills, then you practice on your own to reach your goals. Same with therapy.
I want you to. So does your therapist.
Not seeing a therapist and thinking about getting started? Contact us.
One of the foundations of emotional intelligence is being able to identify emotions. One way kids learn about how to talk about and handle emotions is from their parents, both directly and indirectly. How you handle emotions (yours and theirs) makes a significant impact. Yes, …