Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
Making the decision to pursue therapy for your child Parenting is hard and it is even more challenging when your child is struggling and needs more support than you can provide. You may have gotten to this point because the feelings of frustration, worry and …
The topic of chores tends to come up in therapy for a number of reasons. Sometimes it is because parents are exhausted. Or, it is an inquiry into what is realistic. And other times it is because learning responsibility (and independence) is what would be …
And there is good reason for it!
Have you seen these? Do they pertain to you?
What’s Underneath the Cat and Mouse Game Present in Most Relationships?
Why Do You Need to Know the Difference Between Thoughts Feelings and Behaviors?
What is Emotional Flooding? Are You Doing it?
Do You Get Irritated a Lot? You Are Not a Monster.
If you find yourself thinking “ya, this is me and I should know more about this” in any of these posts, contact us.
We’d love to support you in going deeper into using this information to create more peace, stability and emotional well being in your life.
This question comes up a lot. And for good reason. For parents, it can come up around whether to mandate that a child follow through with something like a sports commitment. For adults, it can come up around whether to stay at a demanding job …
How many times have you been in a conversation with a well meaning loved one and you were told something like “don’t cry”, “don’t worry”, “at least xyz didn’t happen” or “you know what you should do….”? What happened next? Did you feel heard? Did …
Therapy is not cheap. It requires resources. Both time and money, obviously. But in order for it to be as effective as possible, it requires your energy and attention.
I think therapy can benefit most people, regardless of how well or how poorly life seems to be going. Increasingly, people are coming to therapy to be proactive about their mental health or the health of their relationships. I love this because every person, couple, family that invests in themselves in that way supports better physical health, relationship satisfaction and overall well being for themselves and those around them.
While simply engaging in therapy is a big step and can be very helpful, it’s important to understand that the degree to which you benefit is very much within your control.
If your therapist teaches you a strategy to manage a symptom or difficulty coming up, there is a really good reason for it. Many skills therapists teach to manage depression, anxiety, stress or communication issues have proven research behind them. Even if the skill seems simple.
If you don’t think that strategy will help, ask your therapist why your therapist thinks that skill will be helpful to you. The worst thing you can do is say “Ok”, then never try it. Honestly, that’s akin to taking a percentage of what you paid for your session and putting it into a shredder. I don’t think you would do that.
If you think you might have a hard time implementing the strategy, tell your therapist. That way you guys can find something you can do. Doing things that are inconvenient, uncomfortable or not natural to you are usually required for getting different results.
One hundred percent of my clients who reach their goals in therapy have done so because they actually implemented the things we discussed in session. That can be you too.
Your therapist went through a lot of training to be able to offer accurate reflections. If you trust your therapist and feel aligned with the way they work, make it a point to really consider what they are reflecting back to you. Even (and especially) if you don’t like it.
My therapist says surprising things to me regularly. She’s known me for over 15 years. She supports me and helps me find compassion for myself in difficult moments. And, she also reflects back to me things I didn’t think were true about myself. She did it last week. And, you know what? I really appreciate that. I don’t lash out at her. I don’t argue. I simply take what she says and take my time to consider if what she said is really true about me.
Want to take it a step further? Notice patterns that regularly come up in your life. It might be a reaction you regularly have to your child, partner, parent or coworker. You might find yourself repeatedly involved in certain circumstances. Bring what you notice to your therapist and ask for their help in seeing what you could learn about yourself from those patterns.
Those patterns are coming up repeatedly for a reason: there is something that is being shown to you so you can learn to do it differently and grow…maybe to grow closer to what you really want.
Sometimes those insights are hard won. Don’t let them simply float away. Not only that, continue your self reflection between sessions. Make sure to put those insights to work.
You don’t go to a trainer once a week and expect to reach a healthy weight or get stronger. You go to learn the exercises and the skills, then you practice on your own to reach your goals. Same with therapy.
I want you to. So does your therapist.
Not seeing a therapist and thinking about getting started? Contact us.
One of the foundations of emotional intelligence is being able to identify emotions. One way kids learn about how to talk about and handle emotions is from their parents, both directly and indirectly. How you handle emotions (yours and theirs) makes a significant impact. Yes, …
Happily Family does this parenting conference every year and it is always filled with great information. This year has some great topics like digital parenting, helping teenage girls navigate friendships online, supporting kids on the gender spectrum, transforming parenting triggers, how to address the topic …
A few weeks ago, we talked about how important it is to consider the possibility that what other people do is not always about you. People are responding to you in accordance to their own past, their own assumptions and their own tendencies. This is helpful to consider because it helps with not taking things so personally.
Yes, other people can trigger a feeling or bring about a response from you This is because whatever other people do or don’t do is received through your own lens of your past experiences, assumptions and tendencies.
Here’s an interesting way to think about this: psychoanalyst Carl Jung proposed that all the people in our dreams, when we dream, are simply representations or aspects of our own self.
Now, think about that in terms of your waking life. People in your life bring about or activate different parts of you, which creates your response.
Let’s say you find yourself getting frustrated with your boss. Turns out, upon reflection, the way interactions feel with your boss actually feel a lot like interactions with your mother.
So, the way you react to your boss has more to do with you and your experiences. In essence, how you react has more to do with you than your boss. Your boss is simply triggering a dynamic or experience.
…you could say that experience is happening to bring up this dynamic in current life so you can learn from it, learn how to do things differently or get a new perspective on why interactions with your mom felt that way.
See how this makes for a different experience? Instead of getting overly focused on your boss and what they are doing or not doing, you can focus on what you can learn about yourself and your relationship with your mom.
Your irritation has to do with you and the fact that you are in a time crunch, not the person in front of you trying to look for an address.
See how these things can happen in the very simple and short interactions as well as in the more complex and ongoing interactions?
Realizing that releases you from blaming yourself or others. It also alleviates a lot of unnecessary emotional pain from thinking that other are responsible for how you feel and what you experience. That leaves other people holding the power, not you.
Don Miguel Ruiz has good reason for including “Don’t take anything personally” in his Four Agreements. What others do or don’t do is rarely personal. And, the way you respond or react has relatively little to do with others.
Our very own Anna Pirkl, MFT, ATR, LADAAC partnered with South Bay Families Connected and created this wonderful series of short videos to support you in staying motivated during distance learning. I know everyone can use some support in this area. I love how the …