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What’s Underneath the Cat and Mouse Game Present in Most Relationships?

What’s Underneath the Cat and Mouse Game Present in Most Relationships?

The fear of intimacy. I know. Most people have a hard time wrapping their head around the fact that people experience a fear of intimacy and a strong desire for it at the same time. What makes it even more crazy is fear that shows 

4 Ways to Approach and Deal with Uncomfortable Truths and Conversations

4 Ways to Approach and Deal with Uncomfortable Truths and Conversations

I have a lot to learn. And unlearn. I have been spending time this week listening, seeing and digging deep around the issues of racism, white supremacy, white fragility, what it means to practice being an ally and anti-racist. As I hope many people in 

What Have You Found Out About Yourself and Your Life During COVID-19?

What Have You Found Out About Yourself and Your Life During COVID-19?

We’ve all been through some significant life adjustments in the months of quarantine. Some of them difficult to assimilate.

And, there might be a couple that you found might suit you.

No matter where you are in your stance toward the pandemic, the reality is that things are starting to open up again (for now at least). This might be a relief in some ways and it can also bring up resistance.

The resistance is what I want to talk about today.

I notice people bringing up their observations of how others are adhering or not adhering to recommendations and guidelines. And, along with these observations, there is an undercurrent of the sentiment “people are just doing what they feel like doing”. Meaning: sometimes people demonstrate strict boundaries about what is allowed, but then are willing to bend those rules when it comes to something they want to do.

The nature of the virus itself lends itself to that.

The instructions have been to strictly stay at home, but go out if you have to. Or the virus can kill you OR you can have it and not know it. See how there is all kinds of space in there for your own interpretation or for your stance on it to change easily? That has lent to the uncertainty of these times, but also to the uncertainty of opening up again.

This can also be working beyond your own awareness and impacting your own decisions.

In some ways, if there have been aspects of being in quarantine that you kind of liked, there might be a temptation to use the Coronavirus as an excuse to do or not to do things. When, in reality, there might be an important change in your life that you actually want to implement that you may have felt was unacceptable or not doable in the past.

It will be less scary and work more smoothly to let these things come into your conscious awareness rather than maybe hiding behind the COVID situation.

Maybe you realized that working from home is better for your overall health and relationships.

And you want to keep things that way. It doesn’t mean you have to ask your boss to make changes right away since everything is still up in the air. But it might be a good time to reflect about how you want your work/life balance or commute to actually be going forward. This way you can have some clarity and build up your courage to communicate about the changes you would like to see with your work.

Maybe you realized that you actually don’t need to be going all the places and doing all the things, but you had been swept away into the culture of being busy all the time.

So, now would be a good time to reflect on: what is the balance that feels good to me and my family for having plans and having unscheduled time? How can I communicate that directly to others without hiding behind the skirt of the Coronavirus? Maybe it’s saying: thanks so much for the invite, but we’re going to enjoy some unscheduled time this weekend. If we end up going to the park, do you want me to text you?

Maybe you find that you actually love cooking and you don’t prefer to go out to eat as often.

Talk with your family or partner about what that might look like. Maybe you want to invest in some cooking classes to up your game or you want to have more dinner parties instead of meeting out. Maybe you want to shift your budget to include more locally sourced or high quality foods. It might seem obvious, but just owning it can create excitement or reset expectations and reduce conflict that can come up on the spot when the occasion to go out comes up.

Maybe you found there are certain relationships that fill you up and others that drain you.

You might decide you want to invest your time differently across your relationships. It doesn’t mean you have to tell someone directly: you drain me. But, it might mean you don’t reach out to those who are not a source of love or energy out of obligation to keep up the friendship. You might just let it be instead and acknowledge that consciously. This will support you in avoiding the trap of obligation.

Maybe you decided you like your new sleep schedule and you want to figure out a way to keep that going with the people who live in your house.

Go for it. Waking up at 5am is no more noble than waking up at 10am. Do what works for your body, your quality of life and your household.

Whatever you are finding out about yourself, bring it to your conscious awareness, acknowledge it and find a way to communicate what you need to communicate so you can live your life in a way that is in greater alignment with you.

Otherwise, you might find yourself being super judgmental toward others and getting angry about how other people or organizations are handling this situation.

Focus that energy on bringing your life into alignment instead of wasting it on trying to control what’s outside of your control.

That energy will be better spent and your life will be happier.

What have you found out about yourself that you might want to bring into your daily life going forward?

If you need support seeing, implementing or communicating through some of these changes that you are ready to own, we’d love to support you. Contact us.

5 Ways To Bring More Harmony To Your Relationship While Being Safer at Home

5 Ways To Bring More Harmony To Your Relationship While Being Safer at Home

For most of us, life feels extra challenging right now. One of the ways we might be experiencing this heightened struggle is in our relationship with our domestic partner. This makes sense given the increased time spent around each other in close proximity. Little irritations 

Resource [time sensitive]: Getting Your Kids to Play on Their Own

Resource [time sensitive]: Getting Your Kids to Play on Their Own

Working from home with kids is not the easiest. Especially if you haven’t spent years perfecting it! I came across this FREE resource and wanted to share it with you. It is a presentation and “how to” cheatsheet that will help you set up your 

eBook: 12 Creative Experiences for Personal Growth in Recovery

eBook: 12 Creative Experiences for Personal Growth in Recovery

One of my favorite things about Anna Pirkl, MFT, ATR, LAADC is that she is committed on every level to growth and healing. For herself, for her clients, and for her community.

Over the years of working together (over 6 years!), Anna has shown me that commitment through the prolific ideas she brings forward on how to offer support. This is in addition to all the social action and community work she does (outside of her work with clients) to make sure that people know there is a way to create and sustain emotional health and resilience.

When Anna brought forward this idea of publishing an eBook of art experiences geared toward supporting the work people do in recovery, she did so with excitement and some trepidation. This would be breaking new ground for her. And, this was no obstacle as Anna approaches every goal with total commitment to facing any fears and growing through the process.

In the eBook:

The collection of creative experiences she compiled in this eBook is a compilation of some of the directives she refined through countless rounds of running groups as well as a result of other work she has done as an art therapist around recovery. These creative experiences are tried and tested.

Anna provides a comprehensive emotional safety preparedness toolkit to approach any emotional work you endeavor to do. She also offers guidelines for how to work with the art in a contained and safe way if you are not trained as an art therapist. This information alone is worth the price of the book!

This eBook is ideal for you if:

  • you are looking to supplement your recovery work in therapy or going to meetings.
  • you are a mental health professional running groups in the recovery community.
  • you are a client, past client or future client of Anna’s who would benefit from having a “go to” emotional toolkit (even if you are not in recovery!).
5 Instagram Accounts That Can Support Your Growth (and help detox your feed)

5 Instagram Accounts That Can Support Your Growth (and help detox your feed)

There are some great Instagram accounts out there that break down old ways of thinking and teach according to current concepts and findings in the psychology world. I love how these therapists, coaches and teachers are able to capture complex concepts and put them into 

Resource: 2 minute Quick Coherence® Technique from the HeartMath Institute

Resource: 2 minute Quick Coherence® Technique from the HeartMath Institute

This short technique is scientifically tested and proven to create well being physically and emotionally that we thought might be helpful to share in this moment. It’s a great thing to practice when you are going to transition activities, like from work to engage with 

Resources For This Time We’ve Actually Tried and Like

Resources For This Time We’ve Actually Tried and Like

There are a ton of resources going around and it is wonderful how many people want to offer support during this “Safer at Home” time as we do our part to flatten the curve. AND, all the resources are overwhelming. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the time to sift through them all!

So, we wanted to put together a list of resources we have actually used or are using.

Information on COVID-19

For what is happening specifically in Los Angeles: https://corona-virus.la

This is a simple page that gives you the basics in terms of stats and Mayor’s orders.

For how we’re doing with flattening the curve and when different states will peak (source: NPR): Coronavirus State-By-State Projections: When Will Each State Peak?

For up to date information on what we are learning about the virus: Former Head of CDC, Dr. Tom Frieden Twitter account

This feed seems to be helpful in terms of information, not scary and, even, a little hopeful and positive.

Support for your mental health in this situation:

David Kessler, leading grief expert, was interviewed about what is happening at this time and he outlines how much of what we are experiencing is grief. This short article helps us to make sense of what we are feeling.

A couple of ways to manage your thoughts and perception:

With the above image, it’s important to remember that there is some fluidity, it is possible to move through different zones at different times. To goal is to be conscious about where you are and make choices about where you would like to focus.

Support for Moving the Body:

This is crucial to keep yourself in a healthy mind space during this time. Exercise supports healthy mood and helps to expand your perspective. It will help you and everyone in your home if you invest some time in making sure you are regularly exercising. It also helps with anxiety as exercise provides an outlet for that anxiety to be metabolized by the body instead of it running your thoughts.

25 Free Fitness Studios and Gyms Streaming Live Workouts

Peleton App (free trial for 90 days): offers strength, cardio, walking and running outside (coached through audio) classes, yoga, meditation and stretching.

Homeschooling Kids:

Practical and user friendly advice for parents about homeschooling: https://homeschoolsuperfreak.com/category/parenting-tips/

ABC Mouse, which is an app that usually costs $10/month and can be accessed for 1 month for free if you sign up for a membership. Great resources for parents with younger kids.

Activities for Kids

Manhattan Beach Unified School District put out an extensive list of activities to do with your kids.

This is a time capsule you can create with your kids.

Support for Working from Home with Kids:

This article comes from a couple who has been working for home for 11 years, so there is some real life experience and learning they share with you here.

Are there any resources or services that you have tried and liked during this time?

How Are You Holding Up?

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