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People who tend to blame themselves when something goes wrong or when something is challenging, oftentimes take in too much feedback. As we discussed in our last blog, it’s important to be open to feedback (especially during therapy) and really try to see yourself in …
One of the characteristics of clients who are most successful in therapy is their ability to be open to feedback. So we want to share what this looks like and what naturally gets in the way, so you can also be successful in therapy, …
As we discussed in our last post, there are some aspects of mental health being discussed on social media that we love; and there are some parts that are making things hard.
We know there are a lot of conversations happening in households across the world about mental health that come from Tik Tok. This social platform has brought some mental health disorders into the light and things that were not a topic of conversation in the past, are now discussed frequently.
So what if your teen is saying they are sure, after seeing information on Tik Tok, that they have a serious mental health diagnosis, like Autism, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or Dissociative Identity Disorder? Let’s talk about how they may have come to think this and how to handle it.
First, it’s important to understand that Tik Tok operates on an algorithm; all social media platforms (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, etc.) do. This algorithm drives what your teen sees on Tik Tok. It figures out what they are interested in and shows them more of it. It determines their interests based on what they watch the most or videos they linger on, comment on or hit the like button on. In the beginning, they are shown a general selection of popular videos and as they start to perform the actions mentioned above, the selection gets smaller to include a certain type of videos.
This video from an article by the Wall Street Journal, helps break down the process of how Tik Tok videos can lead teens to think they have a mental health diagnosis. (The Wall Street Journal; TikTok Diagnosis Videos Leave Some Teens Thinking They Have Rare Mental Disorders; TECH | FAMILY & TECH: JULIE JARGON; 12/26/21)
If your teen lingers on or likes a video about a mental health disorder, or a behavior associated with a disorder (like sadness, anxiety, fear, etc.) then the algorithm will start to show them more of those videos. Sometimes teens think the platform must be reading their mind and knows something about them because it’s all that pops up in their feed. This leads to some teens ‘self-diagnosing’ and becoming convinced they have a legitimate mental health issue.
So if your teen comes to you and says they think they are dealing with a mental health disorder, how should you handle it?
It’s important to validate your teen’s feelings because first, and foremost, they really just want to be seen and heard. If you just dismiss their feelings or what they are telling you it will not make those feelings just go away, it will more than likely cause them to feel worse and refrain from confiding in you in the future.
Think of what they are going through with their ‘Tik Tok diagnosis’ as the equivalent of googling physical symptoms. We all know what happens when we do that; everyone has a little bit of everything. You end up going down a rabbit hole and only seeing the worst case scenario play out for your situation.
Don’t freak out if some of this is directed at you. We are human beings raised by human beings. Take it from us, you literally did your best every day raising your child. Literal blood, sweat and tears have gone into bringing your child into this world and through it. You’ve done a great job! No one does everything perfectly. Even the Dali Lama could use therapy.
So, do your best not to take this personally even if your teen is saying it’s your fault. We talk about taking the blame out of therapy HERE in a past blog post.
Questioning the possibility of a mental health diagnosis can be an acceptable way for your teen, or preteen, to talk about what is happening in their internal world. It’s an opportunity for exploration and connection and you can walk alongside them as they figure it out. Curiosity about mental and emotional health is a good thing, you don’t want to discourage that or insinuate that it’s bad.
This is part of their identity development which is an important developmental task. They are exploring who they are and learning so much about themselves at this stage. A diagnosis is one way kids can identify with something. While you might see it as a bad thing, it is actually a framework they can fit into and relate to others through.
Being panicked about this developmental drive would be similar to being panicked about your child trying to walk and falling down. The only difference is that this is an emotional and relational developmental task rather than a physical one. Yes, there is a chance that problems will arise but they can overcome those problems when they work through them with someone they trust.
As a parent it can be hard to stand back and let your child explore and figure things out, but sometimes it’s necessary. Continue to provide support but understand that you will not have all the answers and can’t always fix things, and that’s okay.
If your teen feels that they have a mental health disorder and they have opened up to you about it, this may be a good time to get a therapist involved. A therapist can assess, educate, clarify and correct anything that could be misinformation or simply unhelpful information. Then both you and your child will be able to understand what is happening with them emotionally and not just guessing or wondering if there is truly a diagnosis there.
Looking for a therapist can feel validating for them. It may help them feel like they have some control over the situation and are working on a resolution to the emotional distress they are experiencing.
A therapist can individualize treatment and care and redirect to online resources that are actually helpful. This will allow your preteen or teen to use social media as a support rather than something convincing them there is something terribly wrong.
Information of all kinds is so much more accessible these days than it has been in the past. And, on the bright side, there has been a significant rise in information and awareness around mental health issues. After decades of shame and stigma surrounding mental …
When I first started practicing as a therapist, many people that reached out for therapy were in crisis. They were in dire need of help. We saw people in our practice who were dealing with intense depressive or anxiety symptoms, severe trauma, life crises and …
It is not uncommon for people to start playing the blame game when they first start therapy. It may include blame directed at our family or parents, or the blame may be directed at the past and outside circumstances. This is a normal response and it’s all a part of the process.
I’m sure you’ve heard people say it before: it’s probably going to get worse before it gets better.
If it does, that’s OK. To make it easier, let’s talk about what you can expect.
When you begin therapy, or go through the different stages of therapy, you have an opportunity to look at the cards you were dealt in life and it can be hard to face. This might mean approaching some uncomfortable realities.
For example, there might have been some unhealthy dynamics in your family growing up. This doesn’t mean anyone is bad. It just means we are all human, doing our best. But, it’s important to see the realities because those are often what contribute to the reason you started therapy in the first place.
Some people start to experience this and want to quit therapy because they think it’s not working. This is a normal part of the process and doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress; actually this is a sign of progress.
You might feel angry and want to blame all the bad things that have happened on someone or some circumstance; or you might blame yourself.
Think about if you were diagnosed with an illness. You are not to blame for the illness. However, you are responsible for your health. This means it’s your job to focus on understanding what’s going on, living a healthy lifestyle, following directions from your health care providers, etc.
It’s the same concept when you are dealing with your emotions. When you are given a clear vision of the cards you are holding you might feel angry about what you’ve had to deal with because it was out of your control. Totally understandable. And there is space for that in therapy. The good news is, you get to be in control now and work towards getting to a better place of health and wellness.
Here’s the thing about the truth, when it first comes to light, it can be hard. But then it gets easier. You process the feelings, you come to terms with it and now that the information is here, you can actually deal with it head on. You might finally be able to see a family dynamic that impacted you in a negative way, or how there are unresolved emotions around a certain event. The truth has always been there, buried deep, and you have been dealing with it all along.
When you see things from your past with more clarity, you start to understand things that have happened in your life, how those things affected you (and still affect you) and why you reacted in the ways you did. Once it’s out in the open, you get to create a way to move forward.
Coming to terms with hurtful truths from your past is hard, but such a crucial piece to position you in a place where you have power over your life and your choices.
Empowerment is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in managing your life and claiming your rights.
Once you have a more clear view of things, you will start to see that you can’t control anything outside of yourself. Sometimes we know this but we talk ourselves into thinking that maybe we could have done something to change an outcome that we weren’t happy with or had a negative impact on us.
You might have to remind yourself, on a regular basis, that you can only be responsible for the things you actually have control of, because it’s easy to lose sight of that truth.
If you focus on things that are beyond your control then you will be stuck on a hamster wheel of trying to fix things that can’t be fixed or trying to change things that you don’t have the power to change.
‘As you begin to resolve the problem that brought you to psychotherapy, you’ll also be learning new skills that will help you see yourself and the world differently. You’ll learn how to distinguish between situations you can change and those you can’t and how to focus on improving the things within your control.’ American Psychological Association, Understanding psychotherapy and how it works Last updated: July 31, 2020 Date created: November 1, 201232 min read
It’s important to get clear about what you can manage inside of you, like your thoughts, perceptions, responses to what happens in the outside world.
When you reach this place, your healing and growth accelerate. This is empowerment.
Coming to terms with what you have been through is tough and necessary to start healing. Blaming others, blaming your circumstance or blaming yourself, while it is a natural reaction, is not the way you’ll be able to move forward.
In our last post we discussed nervous system regulation and how it can impact your mental and emotional health. Now let’s cover how to support your nervous system and develop habits to cope before stressful situations occur. How to Know your sympathetic nervous system …
Do you ever try to take a relaxing moment to yourself, and then notice your brain is escaping to the never ending to do list, upcoming events, or a past mistake? Our brain tends to focus on the past or future, which can lead to …
You have probably seen people in the mental health and mindfulness space talk about nervous system regulation. Nervous system regulation sounds complicated but once you understand some basics, it’s easy to see the immediate positive impact it can have on your life.
So, let’s go over the basics of what that means and why it matters to you.
Nervous system regulation is a way to self-soothe when you feel like things are out of control.
“The two major nervous systems in the human body are the central (brain and spinal cord) and the peripheral (mostly made up of nerves that carry signals through your body) systems. The autonomic nervous system, which is within the peripheral system, contains the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems.” (Balancing Your Nervous System by Evolution Yoga | Dec 22, 2017 | Evolution Blog)
The sympathetic nervous system is where your fight or flight response originates. If you are in a demanding, stressful or threatening situation, your brain prepares your body to respond in a way that will ensure survival. Your reaction might be fight, escape (flight) or freeze. This will also slow down other processes in the body such as digestion, reproductive functioning and emotional processing to focus on survival.
The parasympathetic nervous system triggers your rest and digest response. It is responsible for regulating bodily functions when your body is at rest and especially after a demanding experience. This means activity in the brain and muscles have slowed down and you are in a healing, recovery and integration mode. It produces a reaction that balances the sympathetic nervous system response of fight, flight or freeze.
When we say you are nervous or something is getting on your nerves, you are talking about the sympathetic nervous system; and it can trigger a reaction throughout your body because it is getting ready for action.
Your nervous system is the communicator in your body.
It guides everything you do from thinking your most complex thoughts to ongoing actions like breathing. It also senses problems within your body and sends messages to your organs and tissues to address what is going on. Your mental, emotional and physical health are all linked together.
Since they are all intertwined and affect one another, it’s important to focus on the five basics that are essential to create balance. We discussed these basics in a previous blog post – Which 5 Basics are Essential to Your Mental Health.
When your nervous system is activated you can experience physical responses such as increased heart rate, an increase in blood flow to the muscles, a decrease in blood flow to the skin, quick breathing, and a quick shot of glucose into your bloodstream.
“Over time, repeated activation of the stress response takes a toll on the body. Research suggests that chronic stress contributes to high blood pressure, promotes the formation of artery-clogging deposits, and causes brain changes that may contribute to anxiety, depression, and addiction.” (Harvard Health Publishing | STAYING HEALTHY Understanding the stress response, July 6, 2020)
Your physical health is not the only thing that can be affected by nervous system activation.
Nervous system activation can happen in response to things as common as work stress, an overly busy schedule or being triggered by something emotionally.
When it is activated, your hearing, your ability to take in and make sense of information is compromised. Have you ever read a text message in a hurry and gotten activated, then come back to it later and realize it didn’t say or imply what you thought it did?
The nervous system activation you were experiencing when you read the message caused you to interpret the message differently.
Stress may cause you to withdraw from others. A common coping mechanism for people who are stressed out is to bottle up their feelings and not let others know, or if they do know, not allow them to help.
In contrast to withdrawal, stress may cause you to be irritable or lash out. This usually happens when you are already frustrated and something happens to send you over the edge.
Withdrawal and irritability both have a negative impact on your ability to engage with others; causing more distress.
It can be hard to know what the steps to take to get back to a place of balance and peace.
Have you ever been stressed and someone suggested that you take some deep breaths? More than likely, you didn’t want anything to do with that suggestion even though you knew it was probably a good idea.
It’s important to know what you feel like when you are stressed. You can start by identifying how you feel when you are calm, and then take note of changes that you experience in your body when you are stressed. Your shoulders may tense up, you may get a headache, you may not be able to concentrate, etc.
Once you have noted all of your ‘symptoms’ of stress you should be able to catch the activation of your nervous system early and start to utilize coping strategies.
If you wait until you are right in the middle of a stressful situation then you may not be able to effectively implement coping strategies. You may not have the mental capacity at that point to productively deal with the problem.
This is why it’s crucial to take the time to attend to your nervous system before you tackle a problem or make any important decisions. Without nervous system regulation, clarity is compromised. Instead of looking for relief externally, focus inward on regulating the nervous system for relief. Then deal with the situation.
Are you interested in learning more about how you can regulate your nervous system? Contact us today, we are happy to guide you through your next steps.
A new year can mean new goals and new beginnings. One important goal is to find ways to support your mental health in the new year. Some of the most common goals include making more money or losing weight; but often people don’t realize that …