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There’s a lot of conversation around holding boundaries with people in our life. But how about with ourselves? If we are putting an emphasis on something like boundaries in a relationship, we also want to check in on what we are doing around that very …
All is calm… All is bright… but not for everyone. If you just had a baby then your home is definitely not calm, there is probably a lot of crying and a lot of sleepless nights happening in your house. And if you are struggling …
As a parent, if you can teach your teen to master the basics then you will be setting them up to cope with the stressors of life in a healthy way. All parents want to prepare their children to be able to face challenging situations and have the skills needed to take care of themselves and live independently.
It may be a challenge to instill these basic practices in your teen because they may not be receptive to advice and prompts at this stage in their life. However, if they observe you focusing on the essential basics in your own life, and you consistently point them to these basic practices, you will be giving them tools that they can use in the years to come.
We previously covered 5 basics – food, water, rest, movement, mindfulness – and explained why they are essential to mental health. If you haven’t already reviewed these 5 basics click HERE to read the blog post before you continue.
Most parents will notice their young children watching their every move and even copying them; and kids are usually very honest and will tell you they want to be just like you. Teens, on the other hand, will usually cringe at the idea of being like mom or dad, and they definitely won’t admit that they want to be like you.
But this does not mean that your teenager is not watching how you behave, how you react in challenging situations, and how you cope with stress and other challenges. They are watching and what you show them will impact how they handle situations and challenges in their own life. That’s why it is important to model healthy habits and behaviors to your children, and especially to your teen.
No parent is perfect and your teen will see your imperfections and when you don’t make the best choices. However, if they see that you consistently focus on the basic practices that lead to both physical and emotional well-being, they will begin to develop a positive foundation that they can build their own healthy habits on.
It may be hard for your teen to commit to implementing these basics and they may not feel like they will work for them. As a parent, one way you can get them on board is by connecting it to something they want or that is important to them.
Your teen may be experiencing stress or dealing with a challenging situation and ask you to be excused from responsibilities, school, etc. You can develop a plan with your teen to allow their request to be honored if they are willing to implement some of the basics. When you create this plan, it’s important to work together and to agree on specifics– what is included and how it will be implemented. This will allow them to feel involved and not like you are demanding that they try something.
Most teens have a hard time committing to things or trying things because they do not understand how it will benefit them. Connecting the desired behavior or action to something they want can provide the motivation for them to begin, and hopefully once they realize the benefits, they will continue the behavior or action because they truly see the importance of it–even if they don’t want to admit that to you.
Admitting that their parents are right is one of the hardest things for teens to do, so most of the time they don’t; and that’s okay! You don’t need for your teen to admit that you are right or that the advice you gave them was helpful. Unfortunately, you may never know if your teen came to the realization that you were right about something.
However, if you have been consistent in your message to your teen and have consistently modeled positive behaviors to them, then it’s very likely that at some point your teen will realize that you were right. But having them verbalize that you were right is not what will create the positive impact in their life; their experience of the benefits that come from taking care of the basics is what will benefit them for years to come.
If your teen experiences how the basics can support them both physically and emotionally, then they will take that with them into the world and it can never be taken away from them. But they have to realize and experience it on their own, you can’t do that for them. It takes seeing it modeled at home, trying it themselves and experiencing the positive results to truly invest into this using this approach when things get challenging in their life.
Looking for some extra support for your teen to prepare them for what lies ahead? We’d love to offer that support. Contact us HERE.
It’s very common for parents to feel lost when it comes to dealing with the challenges of parenting a teen. If these challenges become too much for your teenager, and you feel you need additional support to help them, therapy may be a wise option. …
Making the decision to pursue therapy for your child Parenting is hard and it is even more challenging when your child is struggling and needs more support than you can provide. You may have gotten to this point because the feelings of frustration, worry and …
Sometimes it is because parents are exhausted.
Or, it is an inquiry into what is realistic.
And other times it is because learning responsibility (and independence) is what would be helpful to the presenting problem.
Today we are sharing a guide we came across on LifeHacker that helps to guide you in terms of chores that are age appropriate so you can set your kids (and yourself) up for success. Check it out right here.
To support this, we want to share a couple reasons developing a practice of having kids do chores in your home is helpful:
Everyone needs to learn about doing laundry, cleaning up, cooking, cleaning the dishes, taking care of pets, taking out the trash, basic personal hygiene, etc. These are essential life skills. Best to make that part of life as early as possible. Starting this later in life can create resistance and power struggles. Why make more work for yourself?!
This is key. When parents try to make it so the child’s only responsibility is school, I see the beautiful intentions, but it ends up creating skill deficits. Throughout life we have to balance roles and responsibilities.
And, these skills of being aware of the environment, being aware of where they can contribute, being responsible for something beside themselves and learning teamwork are all things that will serve your child in their relationships, social circles and work environments.
How do you feel about the person who never pays enough when you are out with friends and everyone wants to split the bill? It kind of sucks, right? Sometimes that is a simply lack of awareness. The person is not taking the group or the server into consideration (tax/tip), sometimes because their life experience has not trained them to be mindful of that. You don’t want that to be your kid!
Yes, this is important. Preserving your energy and your sanity.
If you are doing everything all the time for your kids, you are going to get resentful at some point. And then, without wanting to, you will pull out receipts (a record of all you have done for them).
Which, to be honest, is unfair. Because they didn’t demand that you do it all. This is how you set it up (sorry).
This creates all kinds of chaos around skills that need to be straightforward: asking for help when we need it, trusting that it is safe to receive without someone coming to collect an emotional tax later (pulling out receipts).
Instead, we can create spaces at home that prepare kids for what they will encounter out in the world. Better to have them practice and learn ways that will serve them later right under your roof.
Need help implementing chores in your home? Contact us, we would love to offer you support.
This question comes up a lot. And for good reason. For parents, it can come up around whether to mandate that a child follow through with something like a sports commitment. For adults, it can come up around whether to stay at a demanding job …
One of the foundations of emotional intelligence is being able to identify emotions. One way kids learn about how to talk about and handle emotions is from their parents, both directly and indirectly. How you handle emotions (yours and theirs) makes a significant impact. Yes, …
Happily Family does this parenting conference every year and it is always filled with great information.
This year has some great topics like digital parenting, helping teenage girls navigate friendships online, supporting kids on the gender spectrum, transforming parenting triggers, how to address the topic of racial injustice. So many good ones.
And, one of my favorite experts in this space: Dan Seigel who has done tons of research about neurobiology and parenting.
The last day is today, however, they will likely extend access over the weekend. Sign up here: it’s free to join!
What a different “back to school” transition this year. Hopefully it feels a little more organized or manageable than having to suddenly switch to school online in the middle of a school year. And, I know that looking down the pike at many more months …