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If you notice your child suddenly self-conscious, saying “I’m not good at anything,” and comparing themselves to their friends, this might seem out of character and concerning. You should know this is not a failure in parenting, it’s actually a common developmental stage. That doesn’t …
If your child is having consistent emotional, behavioral, or social challenges that interfere with their daily life, well-being, or development then it may be time to look into getting some professional help for them. As a concerned parent you will want to do some research …
It’s natural to feel responsible for things you’re not responsible for. Feeling like everything is on you can be exhausting and can lead to breaking you down physically and/or emotionally. Let’s talk about 3 things that you can let go of and remind yourself that you do not have to be responsible for in 2025.
We all want the people in our lives to be happy. It’s okay to want people to be happy, but to carry the weight of ensuring their happiness at all costs, will have a negative impact on you.
If you feel like it’s your job to keep someone happy, check in to see if that’s what they’re actually asking of you. And if they are, it may be time for a conversation to balance out the responsibility.
But what seems to happen more often is that we put this burden on ourselves. Making others happy may make you feel validated or liked; or maybe you don’t like conflict so you want people to be happy to keep the peace. No matter the reason, you go to great lengths to make sure people are happy, even if it means you are uncomfortable or have to do things that cause stress, or unhappiness, for yourself.
It’s not a bad thing to care about others and be concerned for their well-being. However, “the key is to examine your motivations and intentions. Don’t do things only because you fear rejection or want the approval of others. Keep doing good things, but on your own terms.”
Everyone experiences a variety of positive and negative emotions, it’s natural and nothing to be ashamed of. We don’t find ourselves apologizing for the positive ones, just the negative ones…why is that? If you wouldn’t say sorry for feeling happy, then why would you say sorry for feeling sad or upset? Those feelings are real and you shouldn’t feel like you have to apologize for them when they come up.
Apologizing for your feelings is not necessary. The only thing that could require an apology is how you handled an emotion. We discussed the habits of emotionally strong people in a previous blog; check it out to learn how to make an intentional choice to respond to your emotions in a healthy manner.
Most people fool themselves into believing that they can solve every problem in their life and the lives of their loved ones. Thinking this way can lead to unnecessary stress because when a problem can’t be solved, you feel like a failure. If there’s a problem and you can easily fix it or help to make it better, great! But you have to remember that sometimes there are things that are out of our control and we do not have the power to fix them.
You may put this pressure on yourself or others may put this pressure on you. Are you the go to person in your family or friend group that people look to when they have a problem that needs to be solved? If so, this may be flattering because it means they trust you and think you have the skills needed to fix things. But it can also be overwhelming if everyone looks to you to save them; or if you just think it’s your responsibility to save them.
“It’s okay to set boundaries, protect your energy, and let go of what isn’t yours to manage. Peace comes when we focus on what’s truly ours and release the rest.” (evolvecounselingaz. “20 Things that are Not Your Responsibility.” *Instagram, December 14, 2024, www.instagram.com/p/DDhkL7Ny2Rg/?igsh=ZGUzMzM3NWJiOQ%3D%3D)
Do what you can to help solve problems for others, or yourself, but accept the fact that you may not be able to always fix it and that’s okay.
Going into a new year is a chance to look at what behaviors and habits have served you well over the last year and what has caused you stress or held you back in some way. Letting go of the things that you do not have to be responsible for can lead to a happier, healthier year for you and those close to you. If you need support to assess and address your own behaviors and habits, contact us, we can help.
You’ve probably heard before that things get worse before they get better when you start therapy. For adults, the reason is because you start to open your eyes to things you might not have been aware of in your life and in your past. For …
A lot of parents bring up phone time and social media use as concerns in sessions. We thought we’d take a minute to talk about this because it’s important for teens, but also for you as adults. Social media and screen time are here to …
Parental burnout is real. And, it’s coming up a lot right now.
Summer is over, kids are adjusting to the routine of being back in school, pandemic restrictions and concerns have largely been lifted… yet many parents may be finding themselves exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed and burnt out.
But why???
Where are these feelings coming from or lingering from?
And what are we as parents to do about it if we’re feeling this way?
Any stage of parenthood has its challenges, but overall parenthood is one of the most challenging jobs there is! Unlike other jobs though, parenthood is a job that does not offer vacation or sick leave, training, breaks or a salary.
The parenting job is often relentless…not only are we responsible for the safety and wellbeing of another human being (or multiple human beings), but the job is essentially about “juggling” many responsibilities.
Parenting is a constant state of juggling your child’s needs, your home needs, partner or family needs and your own needs. No wonder parents are tired! It’s a lot!
Throw in environmental stressors and for some (myself included at times) it can feel like a constant merry-go-round trying to find balance while not “dropping one of the balls” we’re juggling.
Parental Burnout happens when parents become exhausted physically and emotionally from extended exposure to times of high stress. The “juggling” is stressful!
The pressure that society places on parents as well as the expectations and pressures we place on ourselves creates this extended stressful experience that can lead to burnout.
A recent interesting and concerning study from researchers at Ohio State University found that more than two-thirds of parents report currently experiencing parental burnout.
What does this mean?
It means this is a systemic problem and that if you find yourself feeling burned out, you’re not alone!
Symptoms can be experienced on a spectrum with some parents reporting mild symptoms to some experiencing symptoms more severely. Symptoms to look for may include some of the following:
-chronic worry or stress about “getting things done.”
-increased irritability
-sleep disturbances or poor sleep quality
-physical manifestation of burnout may include headaches or physical tiredness/exhaustion or tension held in muscles and joints
-thoughts or feelings that you’re in “survival mode” as a parent
-sense of dread or dissatisfaction in role as a parent
-desire to disconnect from children in order to preserve energy
It’s important to make note that most parents that experience Parental Burnout love their children very much and usually will express how much they love their children. Burnout is not an indicator of how much we as parents love or care for our children, rather it’s experiencing difficulty with the day-to-day of parenting that may result in loss of feeling fulfilled in parenting.
*parents that report and present with more severe parental burnout may be at higher risk of harming or neglecting their children and/or harming or neglecting themselves. If you feel you are a risk to yourself or your children please contact any of the resources at the end of this blog immediately.
Often parents who experience parental burnout feel they have “so much to do and not enough time to do it.” I myself am guilty of this one as a parent! We set these lofty goals or expectations and then find them impossible to meet.
Re-evaluate for yourself where the desire is coming from to “do all the things” and recognize it does not make you a bad parent if you need to “say no” to things or lower the bar for yourself.
For example: If you see these cute Pinterest worthy healthy lunches on social media, but this creates added work, stress and pressure to make them… lower your expectations! No need to add this *unnecessary* stress, pack a “regular” lunch or allow your child to get lunch from the cafeteria.
Along with the concept of lowering expectations is the concept of simplifying or eliminating unnecessary or additionally stressful activities or tasks. Is it overwhelming to take your two or three children (or even one child) to various after school activities. Simplify and encourage one activity only.
If it’s challenging to eliminate activities or things from your list, look for alternative or creative solutions to simplify. Ways to simplify things could include: finding possible carpool options, ordering dinner, or having children help with household chores.
I know this feels easier said than done, and depending on the ages of your children these breaks may be VERY short. Even a 5 minute break of alone time however may be enough to allow time for a “reset.”
Going to work outside the home or spending alone time addressing household needs (such as grocery shopping or laundry) while therapeutic for some and may be a break from parenting, can ultimately contribute to burnout. Be intentional with your breaks and be sure the break, however short or long it may be, is self-care focused (not parental or work focused).
If your children are young and wake up during the night, if possible, find ways to share and simplify nighttime parent duties with a partner or family. If you do wake up during the night due to either your children’s needs or if sleep is disrupted on your own try keeping lights out or dim, if you turn bright lights on it may signal to your brain “it’s time to wake up” making it more challenging to get back to sleep.
Use a nightlight or dim light in children’s rooms or bathrooms for night wakings.
Create a positive sleep plan: attempt to be in bed by a reasonable time each night, reduce blue light exposure prior to bedtime, introduce a guided sleep meditation and/or create a routine that will promote positive sleep quality for yourself.
Parenting is hard! What works for me in the particular tough moments, is to remind myself that I am doing the best I can in any given moment. I may not be as stellar as I was the day before or I may not be living up to the expectation I set for myself, but I am doing the best I can in this given situation.
Allowing grace and compassion for yourself can create room for you to work on letting go of those expectations you may have and make space for you to take breaks, practice self-care and ultimately be a better version of yourself and better parent to your children. You are doing the best you can!
Lastly, but certainly not least… parenthood is a journey. Many of us can lose sight of the fact that this is a marathon and we try running at a sprint pace or we don’t look for our support team to help and we’re burning ourselves out!
Let’s try to remind ourselves to be patient with ourselves, pace ourselves and find others that can help along the way. Even finding one other person on this parenting journey with a child similar age to your children can have such a beneficial impact on parental stress relief.
If you find you need more support, contact us.
We at One Heart Counseling Center can help.
This article was written by Chelsea Derossi M.A., LMFT, ATR. Chelsea currently works at One Heart Counseling Center with parents in all stages of parenting! She has completed specialized training with Postpartum Support International and is licensed as a PMH-C (perinatal mental health counselor).
Here are some resources if you feel you are in more immediate need of support.
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988
National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255
Post Partum Support International Helpline 1-800-944-4773
National Parent Helpline 1-855-4A-PARENT (1-855-427-2736)
Parent Stress Line 1-800-632-8188
Link to Ohio State University Study has tips and links for support: wellness.osu.edu
*Study mentioned in this blog was titled:
Pandemic Parenting: Examining the Epidemic of Working Parental Burnout and Strategies to Help
May 2022 Ohio State University
It’s never too early to begin laying the foundation for emotional maturity. Kids will take on what you, as the parent, create as the norm. I recently witnessed a two year old take a full body breath after she started whining, when her mom guided …
Making the decision to pursue therapy for your child Parenting is hard and it is even more challenging when your child is struggling and needs more support than you can provide. You may have gotten to this point because the feelings of frustration, worry and …
Sometimes it is because parents are exhausted.
Or, it is an inquiry into what is realistic.
And other times it is because learning responsibility (and independence) is what would be helpful to the presenting problem.
Today we are sharing a guide we came across on LifeHacker that helps to guide you in terms of chores that are age appropriate so you can set your kids (and yourself) up for success. Check it out right here.
To support this, we want to share a couple reasons developing a practice of having kids do chores in your home is helpful:
Everyone needs to learn about doing laundry, cleaning up, cooking, cleaning the dishes, taking care of pets, taking out the trash, basic personal hygiene, etc. These are essential life skills. Best to make that part of life as early as possible. Starting this later in life can create resistance and power struggles. Why make more work for yourself?!
This is key. When parents try to make it so the child’s only responsibility is school, I see the beautiful intentions, but it ends up creating skill deficits. Throughout life we have to balance roles and responsibilities.
And, these skills of being aware of the environment, being aware of where they can contribute, being responsible for something beside themselves and learning teamwork are all things that will serve your child in their relationships, social circles and work environments.
How do you feel about the person who never pays enough when you are out with friends and everyone wants to split the bill? It kind of sucks, right? Sometimes that is a simply lack of awareness. The person is not taking the group or the server into consideration (tax/tip), sometimes because their life experience has not trained them to be mindful of that. You don’t want that to be your kid!
Yes, this is important. Preserving your energy and your sanity.
If you are doing everything all the time for your kids, you are going to get resentful at some point. And then, without wanting to, you will pull out receipts (a record of all you have done for them).
Which, to be honest, is unfair. Because they didn’t demand that you do it all. This is how you set it up (sorry).
This creates all kinds of chaos around skills that need to be straightforward: asking for help when we need it, trusting that it is safe to receive without someone coming to collect an emotional tax later (pulling out receipts).
Instead, we can create spaces at home that prepare kids for what they will encounter out in the world. Better to have them practice and learn ways that will serve them later right under your roof.
Need help implementing chores in your home? Contact us, we would love to offer you support.
How many times have you been in a conversation with a well meaning loved one and you were told something like “don’t cry”, “don’t worry”, “at least xyz didn’t happen” or “you know what you should do….”? What happened next? Did you feel heard? Did …