Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
It’s the time of year where you probably have more contact with your family members. This means conversations may be coming up where you learn that a family member is needing your support. There is strong societal messaging around the fact that you should always …
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When you think about therapy, more than likely, you think about a traditional therapy session with someone sitting on a couch and talking to a professional. However, therapy can include more than just talking and sometimes art can be used as a tool for a therapist to use to help their patients express their emotions. It may sound unconventional but it’s actually very common. Let’s talk about what art therapy is and what the benefits are.
Art therapy is a type of expressive therapy that has been around since the 1940s that uses the process of making art to explore and express emotions. It uses the creative process, imagery and the metaphor rather than using only words to explore, understand and heal.
Art therapists are professionally trained just like any other type of therapist. They are trained to work with people of all ages in various settings. They are able to assess their clients using art techniques and the non-verbal communication that takes place during a session.
Using art, both you and your therapist can have expanded access to what is happening for you. The art work and the art process provide clues about the underlying factors that may be resulting in depression, anxiety, irritability, anger, confusion or feeling stuck.
“The creation or appreciation of art is used to help people explore emotions, develop self-awareness, cope with stress, boost self-esteem, and work on social skills.”
Techniques used in art therapy can include:
There may be some verbal communication during a session or there may not be. The therapist may give some direction on what they want the client to create or they may let them take the lead and choose what they want to do. Every session can look different based on the client’s needs, goals and preferences. Art Therapists are trained to know what is best suited for the goals and needs of each client and session.
Art therapy can be used for a variety of situations or disorders that are physical or emotional including cancer or other medical diagnoses, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), stress, depression and relationship problems.
Both adults and children can benefit from art therapy. For children or adults who are reluctant to open up verbally, art therapy is a good option for them to express themselves in an alternate way.
It can also be beneficial for couples to use this type of therapy to explore and overcome relationship challenges. People do not have to be naturally artistic or excel in artistic activities in order for art therapy to be beneficial.
It may not be effective for everyone. Some individuals may be skeptical or just not interested in this type of creative expression and that’s okay. With any type of therapy it’s important to find what works for you and where and how you feel most comfortable expressing yourself.
(www.arttherapy.org/upload/2017_DefinitionofProfession.pdf)
At One Heart Counseling Center we offer art therapy and know it’s a powerful way we can support individuals who may be searching for an alternate style of therapy to meet their needs. Our staff are mostly Marriage and Family Therapists AND Registered Art Therapists, which means they have had extensive education, supervision, training, experience to use art therapeutically in sessions.
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What is hyper-independence?
It can be a coping mechanism that you develop as a result of not having your needs met early in life or when you experience interpersonal trauma. You may feel the need to do things yourself and won’t ask for help because you have learned that it’s not safe to depend on others. Being fiercely independent can be an incredible strength and sometimes there is some pain behind it.
So let’s take a moment to shed some light on it.
Hyper-independence reduces co-dependence. Co-dependence is where you do not focus on your own well-being and instead you are consumed with making sure someone else is happy and safe. Similar to hyper-independence, co-dependence can develop in response to trauma. Hyper-independence is the opposite of codependence so it will make you strong and self-reliant, not looking to others to determine your worth or happiness.
Being hyper independent means you can, and you will, take care of yourself. More than likely you will work hard, accomplish tasks and maintain a lifestyle that is goal-oriented and safe. As a result of feeling like you could not trust others to look out for you, you go above and beyond in your efforts to look out for yourself.
It can be helpful in situations to know that you can get things done and you won’t fall apart if you have to get something done on your own.
But you may start to experience burnout and the pain from your past can start to come to the surface.
The pain that triggers hyper-independence as a trauma response can come from being let down too many times, your trust being betrayed, having to figure out everything on your own in early life, experiencing rejection or abandonment in early life, not feeling like you had anyone to rely on, or needing to be the rock in your family at a young age.
If you have experienced any of this you may feel like being vulnerable or relying on other people will potentially open the door to that pain again and you want to protect yourself from that.
“…hyper-independence is an ingrained emotional response to traumatic events. It’s a form of protective armor to guard against further harm and disappointment.” (“What is Hyper-Indepdence Trauma in Young Adults?” Newport Institute. January 18, 2023. www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/hyper-independence-trauma)
Hyper-independence can have a negative impact on your relationships including guardedness, secretiveness and mistrust. It’s hard to let your walls down and let someone get close to you.
Sometimes it’s tempting to keep secrets because sharing personal information is giving someone something that can be used against you and that feels scary. Because you have been hurt by someone who let you down in the past, it can be hard to trust a new person, even though they haven’t given you a reason not to trust them. (Marschall, Amy. “Hyper-Independence and Trauma: What’s the Connection?” Very Well Mind. September 19, 2022.. www.verywellmind.com/hyper-independence-and-trauma-5524773)
All types of relationships can be impacted, not just those with a significant other, such as those with friends and family; it can also affect professional relationships at work. “Hyper independence in a professional setting can be a self-destructive behavior that can set you up to fail long term, be excluded from projects and events, and have others view you in a negative way.” (Saxena, Silvi. “Hyper Independence & Trauma: The Connection & 7 Steps for Healing”. Choosing Therapy. August 10, 2022. www.choosingtherapy.com/hyper-independence-trauma/)
It’s important to remember that working through a trauma response is a process that will take time. It’s okay to take small steps because it can be difficult.
Work towards opening up to people who are safe in your life. Safe people show an ability and willingness to listen and be supportive. You can start by allowing them to help you at a pace that feels comfortable and safe. Make an effort to ask for help if you start to feel overwhelmed and remind yourself that this is not a sign of weakness. If someone offers to help you move something or pay, practice saying yes to the offer even if you don’t *need* it.
It’s also helpful to engage in self-care activities and find positive ways to cope with stress.
Therapy can be a good place to start because you can take it slow and work with a professional to identify what the underlying pain or trauma is that has led to you using hyper-independence to cope.
So although independence can be a positive trait, taking it to the extreme can wear you down and have a negative effect on your health and your life. Need help identifying why you have become a hyper-independent individual so that you can heal and start to let people in, feel supported and free to trust people in your life? Contact us, we can help you do the work to address the underlying pain and find ways to have more fulfilling relationships.
Hard conversations make everyone sweat a little. Especially if there weren’t great examples for how to handle hard conversations growing up. So, because they’re unpleasant, it’s tempting to try and avoid them. But ultimately, sometimes not having the conversation requires more work than actually having …
It’s super common for parents of teens to come to a session saying that they want their kids to stop being on their phone so much or stop treating home like a hotel. It’s a hard transition when teens start to put so much of …
It’s super easy to get pulled into power struggles with your kids and sometimes it doesn’t seem too obvious until you’re at your limits. So let’s take a look at what this looks like and how to step out of it.
When a parent and a child want different things and neither of them are willing to back down a power struggle will likely ensue. A power struggle can begin when a parent asks a child to do something, the child refuses and it turns into a battle that includes arguing and demands that go back and forth between the two.
It’s totally normal as kids start to learn how to be independent and test the boundaries that are being set for them by their parents.
Likewise, it’s normal for parents to try to maintain the power in order to keep their child safe or teach them appropriate, acceptable behaviors.
Power struggles are a problem for a number of reasons.
“One problem is that the more you argue or try to force the child to do something, often the more tempers flare. When you and your child are both frustrated and angry, you aren’t likely to be able to accomplish anything.” (Morin, Amy. “How to Avoid Power Struggles with Children”. Very Well Family. January 16, 2021. www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-avoid-power-struggles-with-children)
When a parent “wins” a power struggle it usually doesn’t result in the the child learning a lesson because by the time it is over the child is angry and the negative feelings associated with the struggle is what they remember.
If a parent just wants to have control or the final say because they are the adult, they aren’t allowing their children to learn how to make decisions for themselves, which is an important skill. It will also leave the child feeling like they have no control over their life. “Our role as parents is to find a way to give them a sense of control, while maintaining some boundaries. It’s a balancing act…” (“Understanding Power Struggles with Your Child” Parenting Now. June 2020. www.parentingnow.org/understanding-power-struggles-with-your-child). Allowing children to make a lot of small decisions about things that are appropriate for their age/maturity level, will give them a sense of independence and make them less likely to fight you on the bigger issues.
Lastly, engaging in a power struggle with a child can make them feel like their feelings about something or what they want is not important and all that matters is what their parent(s) wants or feels.
It’s possible to validate their feelings, even if you are not able to give in and allow them to do something they want to do because it is an unsafe or inappropriate choice.
A power struggle requires active participation from two parties. “So, to eliminate power struggles completely, we have to hold the boundary quickly, calmly, and confidently every single time…When the adult drops the need to fight for the power and instead becomes a calm, confident leader, the power struggle drops!”(@biglittlefeelings. “How to Eliminate Power Struggles”. Instagram, March 27, 2023, hwww.instagram.com/reel/CqS7w1xM-dk/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA%3D%3D)
Parents are frequently guilty of making demands that have consequences attached. “Reframe the conversation so demands for compliance sound more like a gentler request for help. Consider approaches like: “Would you mind grabbing those plates for me? It would be a huge help.” Or, “I really need to get out the door by 8 o’clock today. Do you think you could help me make sure we’re on time?” (Dubin, Alesandra. “Power Struggles with Kids, Explained” June 2, 2021. www.moshikids.com/articles/power-struggles-kids/)
Feelings are okay and children need to know that. Even when they are having a meltdown because you had to hold a boundary. They need that release because the feelings have to go somewhere and they have to be expressed in order to come out on the other side of those big feelings.
One thing to keep in mind is that although you cannot control your child’s emotions or actions you can control your own and it’s your job as parent to help them work through theirs.
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