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It’s common for people to use the words nice and kind interchangeably because they think they mean the same thing. But it’s possible to be one and not the other. You may think in order to be nice you have to always agree with people …
There’s a lot of advice about not bottling up your emotions, being vulnerable and telling people how you feel. But when does this cross the line into emotional dumping? Here are 3 signs of emotional dumping and what to do instead: 1 – Talking about …
Postpartum depression is really well known but postpartum anxiety isn’t talked about as much. So let’s break this down.
As a new mom you may feel tense or anxious in the beginning because being responsible for a human life can be overwhelming. Yes, you also feel joy and love too, but when the anxious feelings start to be constant and it affects your sleep, your relationships and your ability to bond with your baby, then you may be experiencing postpartum anxiety.
These symptoms can occur within a year of giving birth and could happen as a part of postpartum depression, or separately.
There is not one specific thing that causes postpartum anxiety, there are lots of things that can contribute to it. As you know, hormone changes are occurring during and after pregnancy and that can obviously trigger mood and emotional changes. Other factors might include lack of sleep, stress on your body (from childbirth or breastfeeding), lack of support system, history of anxiety, etc.
The reason it happens is not as important as recognizing the signs and addressing it.
Postpartum anxiety typically includes a lot of worrying, about the baby and worrying in general.
According to GoodRX Health, Besides nonstop, disruptive worries, you might have other feelings like:
Postpartum anxiety can also cause physical symptoms, including:
(Jones, Melody B. “How to Know When New Parent Worries Are Postpartum Anxiety (and When to Get Help)”. GoodRxHealth. September 14, 2022.https://www.goodrx.com/conditions/pregnancy/postpartum-anxiety)
These symptoms may not start immediately, they could happen later as your responsibilities change or increase, like when you start getting out of the house and socializing again, or when you go back to work.
Changing up your regular routine/daily activities can help with postpartum anxiety. Things such as incorporating regular exercise, meditation, getting help with household chores so you can take more breaks, getting more sleep, or eating a healthy diet.
Perinatal therapy can be helpful to address emotional/mental health challenges that arise before and after giving birth. We discussed more about this specific therapy in a previous post HERE.
If making some of these changes doesn’t seem to help, it’s important to talk with your healthcare provider to see if they recommend medication or some other type of treatment. You want what is best for your baby and that is a healthy mom, so be honest with your loved ones and your doctor about what you are feeling so you can get the help you need.
If you are experiencing postpartum anxiety and feel that it is time to reach out for help, contact us.
When you think of someone who is emotionally strong you may think that nothing bothers them or that they never struggle when they encounter hard situations in their life; but that’s not always true. Being emotionally strong does not mean a person is stone cold …
Logic might say that healing anxiety comes from stopping it. For example: trying to control anxious thoughts or avoid situations that make you anxious seem like they might be ways to get relief from anxiety. But relating to your anxiety like this is actually making …
Extra-curricular activities like sports and art classes are important for kids. They promote skill development, socialization, regulating energy levels, and physical health. But, when you’re trying to set up your kids’ after school schedule, there’s a reason not to lump therapy in with art and sports. It’s in its own category.
Let’s talk about how it is different.
For example, if your child is struggling with anxiety (regular anxiety, performance anxiety or social anxiety), being in extracurricular activities is going to exacerbate the issue if they are not learning the skills to be with and overcome the anxiety that comes up in those after school activities.
“While goal oriented activities can help a child develop certain skills, when those skills are scrutinized by parents, coaches or teachers, it can lead to self esteem issues, stress, and anxiety. This is especially true around the age of 12 when kids start to compare themselves to their peers in the formation of identity and self concept.” (Wijkstrom, Stephanie. “Signs Your Child Is Involved in Too Many Extracurricular Activities.” Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburg. October 5, 2022. www.counselingwellnesspgh.com/signs-your-child-is-involved-in-too-many-extracurricular-activities/)
While most extracurricular activities are fun and kids are excited about participating in them, they can still trigger stress, big feelings or overwhelm for a kid. If they are already working on identifying the emotions associated with their general anxieties and developing coping skills to address them, then they can apply them in all areas of their life whether it be family, school, friends or even extracurricular activities. This can help them get more out of those activities and find a sport or activity that they can thrive in.
We see parents pull kids from therapy thinking that the child doesn’t care. Kids might not always tell you that they do, because they want to please you or might not be fully aware of what’s happening in therapy. If you want therapy to be a safe place for your kid to work through things, you have to make sure it’s reliably available.
Therapy can be hard for kids because their therapist will push them to help them grow. If it’s intermittently available, your kid won’t open up enough to get the support they need. Consistency allows them to develop trust and build a relationship with their therapist.
“The key here is being consistent; if you want change, you must be consistent. Consistency essentially means sticking to the plan and not skipping (or over-doing) something.” (Barbash, Elyssa. “STOP CANCELING YOUR THERAPY APPOINTMENTS! – THAT IS, IF YOU WANT REAL CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE.” Tampa Therapy. June 4, 2017. www.tampatherapy.com/2017/06/04/12338/)
This happens a lot: people don’t think they have time for therapy or they don’t feel like going. This is the best time to go. Where else in life can you take a pause from the outside world to reflect, be seen and gather yourself? There are no distractions. Sometimes it’s the exact thing you need, especially when you don’t feel like it.
If you act like it isn’t a big deal to cancel appointments because something else comes up or because you want to use that time to get other things checked off your to-do list, then you are showing your kid that therapy is not a priority. Talk with them about the benefits of therapy and how important it is to keep it up, even when it feels hard or when it doesn’t feel like you have time for it.
Modeling this behavior in your own life as a parent, and prioritizing your own mental health and self-care, is another way you can emphasize the importance of sticking with it.
It’s true, therapy is an ‘extra’ event that you have to factor into your schedule, however, it’s very different from a typical extracurricular activity. It’s not a luxury or something to be used as a reward; it may be a necessity for your kid’s mental and emotional well-being. (Barbash, Elyssa. “GETTING AWAY FROM THE “THERAPY IS A LUXURY” MENTALITY.” Tampa Therapy. April 25, 2017. www.tampatherapy.com/2017/04/25/getting-away-from-the-therapy-is-a-luxury-mentality/)
You’ve probably heard before that things get worse before they get better when you start therapy. For adults, the reason is because you start to open your eyes to things you might not have been aware of in your life and in your past. For …
Maybe you have recently had some time off and your routine has been different because your family has been in holiday mode; but now it’s time to get back into your groove. This is actually a great time to reflect on what parts of your …
There’s a lot of pop mental health advice floating around on social media these days and I’m totally here for it…well, some of it. Should we be more informed about trauma, emotional intelligence, relationship dynamics and attachment issues? Yes,100%!
Although it can be beneficial, there are some times when this is actually enabling you. Let’s look at a couple of examples:
Setting boundaries is important for your mental health and we talk about this frequently on the blog. But when a boundary turns into avoidance, it can actually be a negative thing.
When you are in recovery or working through trauma there will be various stages of coping, healing and growing. “At first, you may need to avoid certain situations because they are triggering, but at a certain point it may be helpful to face those situations so that you don’t have to avoid them forever.” (White, Amanda [therapyforwomen]. “5 Signs Your Boundaries are Actually Avoidance”. * Instagram, May 16, 2023, www.instagram.com/p/CsUbHLFOPi9/?igshid=ZDE1MWVjZGVmZQ%3D%3D&img_index=2)
How do you know your boundaries are actually avoidance? Here are a couple signs:
(White, Amanda [therapyforwomen]. “5 Signs Your Boundaries are Actually Avoidance”. * Instagram, May 16, 2023, www.instagram.com/p/CsUbHLFOPi9/?igshid=ZDE1MWVjZGVmZQ%3D%3D&img_index=2)
Boundaries can be a personal challenge that presents in a variety of situations and then there are specific challenges surrounding relationships like fear of intimacy.
If you have been hurt in relationships in the past then you may avoid intimacy in your future relationships to protect yourself. This may be hard to admit, or you may not even realize you’re doing this. You may just chalk up the avoidance to having ‘high standards’ or the fact that you want to ensure that the person meets all the qualifications you think they need to be a good match for you.
“A subconscious fear of intimacy, can, on the surface, look like knowing what you want in a partner and not “settling” for anything less…when it’s really a way to avoid the messiness and vulnerability of a healthy, loving relationship.” (O’Brien, Lindsay [thereallovealchemist]. “A Fear of Intimacy Can Look Like Having High Expectations for a Partner”. * Instagram, November 14, 2023, www.instagram.com/p/CzohB0Us_6T/?igshid=ZDE1MWVjZGVmZQ%3D%3D&img_index=6)
In reality, no one is perfect and you may never find someone who meets all of your qualifications or standards. But that shouldn’t stop you from pursuing a deeper connection with someone if they could be right for you.
Facing your fear of intimacy can ultimately lead to a long lasting, healthy relationship. That doesn’t mean it won’t take some work on both your part and your partner’s part, but all good things require some work.
In addition to these personal challenges around boundaries and relationship challenges related to intimacy; there are also parenting challenges that we need to be informed about.
Teaching your child how to regulate their emotions is one of the most important things you can teach them because it will be a useful tool for them not only in childhood but through every stage of their life. We talked about this in a previous post HERE.
You can let your child know that you understand the emotions they are experiencing, but it’s important to go a step further and help them learn to cope with those emotions in a way that is positive and does not lead to negative behaviors.
What ends up happening is if you are only understanding and compassionate, you are living in an environment where a young psyche and emotional system are in charge. And that is too much power for your child to hold. That will result in entitlement, disrespectful behavior or anxiety because their emotions are not able to be held by them or by you.
“Regulation isn’t natural. It’s taught. Emotions are instinctive but handling them is a language that is imparted.”
Healthy coping mechanisms can be taught at a young age and once learned they will contribute to the overall emotional intelligence of your child.
So even though it is possible to find helpful mental health advice online, there is also a risk that some of it may actually be enabling and not so helpful. That’s why it’s important to always dig a little deeper and make sure the advice you are taking is actually correct for you.
Holidays can be a fun time, but they can also be stressful, not just for you, but for your kids! Let’s talk about some ways you can support your kids during the holidays so that the stress is not overwhelming to them or you. Communicate …