Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
The holidays are approaching and it can be one of the most activating times of year. You already know you can’t control what Uncle Joe says at the Thanksgiving table or what your mom says about your partner or your parenting. So how can you …
When your college age kids come home for the holidays it’s a big adjustment. This is true for every family. Things are not as they were before. No matter if your college kid has had a great experience in the first months of school or …
It’s very common to hear stories about people with romantic infatuations but they are not always rooted in love. Instead of it being love, it could be limerence. But what is limerence and when would a person need to seek help for it? Let’s break it down.
Limerence is defined as:
“…a state of romantic infatuation, and a condition that can be hard to discern as it presents in a very similar expression to falling in love. In reality, it’s a multi-stage process of projecting unmet needs onto another person. One that’s rooted in trauma often related to the relationship between primary caregivers in childhood which results in developmental issues, manifesting as insecure attachment styles.”
A person who is a limerent will have an obsession with someone who becomes their limerent object. The obsession might look like: having constant thoughts about the person, an intense longing and overwhelming emotions related to them, idolize them, thinking they can do nothing wrong.
It’s true that sometimes limerence can be confused with love, especially for the person experiencing limerence. On the surface it can look like the extreme feelings or expressions are rooted in love. However, when someone loves another person they truly want the person to be happy. There is concern for their feelings and well-being. And, if you are experiencing limerence, you might genuinely feel like that’s true… however, if you look a little deeper,
“….limerant behaviours come from a place of anxiety, rather than wanting the best for the other person.”
It might feel like you need this person in order to be whole or complete. Or that this person’s affection fulfill all your needs. It’s similar to what a drug addiction is like.
When a person’s needs are not adequately met in childhood an anxious attachment style can develop, which could lead to limerence. Growing up with a fear of rejection and/or abandonment triggers a longing to be loved.
It’s a good idea to get support when limerence starts to disrupt your life. That might look like: starting to abandon other relationships, hobbies and even important activities such as work, relying on the limerent object for your happiness, becoming distressed when you do not receive their attention, which can lead to depression and making poor decisions.
If you are experiencing limerence, this is a great opportunity to do some healing work because attachment wounds are showing up and when these things show up, it makes them more accessible for healing. Becoming self-aware and building self-esteem will help you not base you worth on being loved by others.Talking with a therapist can help you determine if they have developed an unhealthy attachment style and how to work through that. Contact us, we’re here to help.
You’ve just come home from the hospital with your new baby and you’re sleep deprived, not knowing which way is up and which way is down, if it’s day or night, if you’ve eaten or not eaten. Those first few days, weeks, and months even …
Most people have heard of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) but a lot of people have never heard of Complex PTSD. The type and length of the trauma is generally what differentiates them. Let’s discuss some more specifics about what makes them different. With both …
School has started back up and despite this being the same old routine, you still find yourself frustrated and upset with the morning routine…
Where are your kid’s shoes?
Where is their homework?
Why are you feeling rushed and irritated yet again?
Is your child challenged with school academics, having meltdowns after school, are they struggling with big feelings?
Are the social pressures becoming hard to navigate?
Do you find yourself constantly torn between and unsure of how to manage screen times and the ever changing and increasing demands of technology for kids and teens?
Are you as a parent struggling with how to support your child find yourself wanting to have a more harmonious family experience with your children?
Are you and your spouse or partner misaligned on parenting strategies and approaches?
What if the key to helping your child actually lies in helping yourself first?
Enter Parent Therapy; a powerful tool to empower you to make more positive affirming choices as parents and can make a world of difference for your and your child and family.
The concept that a parent’s well-being and emotional balance can significantly impact a child’s emotional health and behaviors is not just a theory; it’s actually backed by research. Several studies have examined and linked outcomes of improved child well-being when parents are in their own personal psychotherapy. When parents are under stress, dealing with their own emotional difficulties, there is marital or parental misalignment and/or parents are struggling with unresolved issues, it can affect their parenting style, their ability to respond effectively to their child’s needs, and the overall family dynamics (READ: love + connection in your day to day, long term emotional, relational and mental health for you and your kids).
Therapy for parents can create a ripple effect of positive change throughout the family.
1) It Can Give Parents Better Coping Strategies
Parents often face a range of stressors that can impact their own abilities to regulate and cope with their own feelings, which in turn impacts their ability to support their child effectively. Therapy can equip you (parents) with coping strategies to manage these stressors better, ensuring that you can remain a stable and supportive presence for your child and model positive coping for children to practice as well.
2) It Can Support Parents Having Improved Emotional Regulation
Parenting through any stage of life and development is an emotionally draining process. Therapy helps parents develop better emotional regulation strategies, reducing the likelihood of reacting versus attuned responding. When you can better manage your own emotions more effectively, understand and have some insight into why you are responding in that way then you can better approach your child’s issues with greater calmness, patience and understanding.
3) It’s Role Modeling Healthy Behavior
Children are like sponges, learning and following by example. When they see their parents seeking help and working through their own issues, it models the importance of mental health and self-care. Teens in particular are more likely to seek support and help when faced with depression and/or anxiety if they have a parent that has been or is going to therapy.
4) It Offers Awareness and Parenting Approaches
Therapists can offer insights into reasons your child may be behaving or responding the way they are. Simply put, there is a reason that your child or teen is reacting or behaving in this way, and we as therapists can help you determine the meaning underneath the behaviors. This guidance can help you understand your child’s behavior from a psychological perspective, leading to a more tailored parenting approaches that will work best for you and your child.
5) It Can Prevent Parental Burnout
Therapy provides you with a space to explore your own unique feelings and experiences on your parenting journey. Having someone to share these experiences with that is outside your circle of family and friends gives you an opportunity to have an unbiased feedback and support to reflect so you can make conscious choices about how you want to show up as a parent. It is a space to share without judgement that may in turn reduce the risk of burnout (read about parental burnout here, yes, it’s a thing!) and ensure you have the energy and resilience needed to be the best parent you can be.
If you’re considering therapy, here are some great next steps:
In the end, investing in your own well-being isn’t just beneficial for you; it’s a powerful way to contribute to your child’s growth, success and well-being.
This article was written by Chelsea Derossi M.A., LMFT, ATR. Chelsea currently works at One Heart Counseling Center with parents in all stages of parenting! She has completed specialized training with Postpartum Support International and is a Licensed PMH-C (perinatal mental health counselor).
*Research addressed within this blog post came from several sources. If you’d like some additional comprehensive information on the topic here are some resources below:
Clinical Considerations When Treating Adults Who Are Parents
By Maureen Zalewski , University of Oregon Sherryl H. Goodman, Emory University Pamela M. Cole, Pennsylvania State University Katie A. McLaughlin, University of Washington
Published in CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY: SCIENCE AND PRACTICE V24 N4, DECEMBER 2017
Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want To Be
By Dr. Becky Kennedy
Before becoming a parent you may think you know what type of parent you will be and how you will handle the ups and down that come along with this very important role. But you may quickly realize as a new parent that regulating your …
Contrary to what some people believe, the baby blues and postpartum depression are not the same. Although they are both common, they can be different when it comes to how intense the symptoms are and how long they last. Let’s break it down and identify …
People use the terms panic attack and anxiety attack interchangeably, and although they may appear to be similar, they really are very different. You might mistake a panic attack for an anxiety attack (in someone else, or yourself) if you are not aware of the differences in their causes, symptoms and impact, so let’s clear this up!
A panic attack usually starts suddenly without a warning. There may not be anything specific that triggers it, so it can be difficult to determine the cause. It can just start out of the blue and seemingly start for no reason. There may be an underlying reason but it is not clear or easy to identify.
“It’s not known what causes panic attacks or panic disorder, but these factors may play a role: Genetics, Major stress, temperament that is more sensitive to stress or prone to negative emotions, Certain changes in the way parts of your brain function.” (“Panic attacks and panic disorder.” Mayoclinic.org. May 4, 2018. www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/panic-attacks/symptoms-causes/syc-20376021)
An anxiety attack will usually gradually build and get worse with time. Typically there is something that triggers it and you easily attribute it to a particular event or situation. Some examples of triggers could be social interactions, conflict, health issues, stress, financial struggles,etc. When a person encounters a trigger their body reacts as if they are in danger, leading to the anxiety attack.
Both panic and anxiety attacks can cause physical, mental and emotional symptoms.
The symptoms of a panic attack are intense and peak quickly, within a matter of minutes. Some of the common physical symptoms for a panic attack are dizziness, excessive sweating, racing heart, difficulty breathing, nausea or abdominal pain. A person can also feel detached from reality or oneself, fearful of dying, losing control or going crazy, or experience intense terror.
Symptoms of an anxiety attack can vary in intensity and some can last longer. They can include sleep disturbances, irritability, concentration difficulties, worry and muscle tension. There can still be some immediate physical symptoms like dizziness and shortness of breath.
The depression project explains the impacts of each:
Panic Attack: These are extremely disruptive and characterized by its severely intense physical symptoms.
Anxiety Attack: These are disruptive but can be mild, moderate or severe in nature. These are therefore less intense but can still impair one’s day-to-day functioning.
([thedepressionproject]. “Panic Attack vs. Anxiety Attack.” *Instagram, July 23, 2024, www.instagram.com/p/C9w7Fl_NcMz/?igsh=MWQ1ZGUxMzBkMA%3D%3D&img_index=5)
Panic attacks can affect a person’s life in a negative way. They can begin to get worse or start to last longer. This can make it hard to keep a job or function in social settings. And because the panic attacks seemingly come out of no where, there can be anticipatory anxiety. Meaning: fear that it will happen, which causes you to limit exposure to things you think could be causing the panic. A person may not want to leave home because they are afraid that they may unintentionally put themselves in a situation that leads to an attack.
Anxiety attacks can also have a negative impact on a person’s life. They can lead to fatigue and exhaustion, changes in appetite and brain fog. All of these effects can lead to the breakdown of relationships or motivation to engage in social or work activities.
So while the impacts of a panic attack and anxiety attack can be similar, the main difference seems to be that panic attacks can be more disruptive due to their severe onset and intensity, making them harder to predict and manage.
Understanding these key differences can help you identify and address what you are experiencing.
Medication, stress management, relaxation techniques, regular exercise, healthy eating habits and therapy can all be ways to address a panic or anxiety attack. Treatment and prevention will depend on your experiences and the intensity level of you symptoms. If you would like to talk with someone about getting help to manage one of these contact us.
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