Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
I know it seems counter intuitive, but summer is actually the ideal time for your kids to start therapy. When you or your kids are experiencing the stress of school, you might feel the urgency to find a therapist to help with that stress. And …
The rise of platforms like Talkspace and BetterHelp bring up this question. And it brings up the reason I started a private practice and decided never to be contracted with insurance companies. SIDE NOTE: At One Heart Counseling Center, we do check your out of …
Sometimes it may feel like you are talking to a brick wall and your kids hear nothing you are saying. But you can rest assured that they are listening and they are always watching! So what are the things they are secretly watching that maybe you haven’t really thought about, and why does it even matter?
Your kids learn how to treat themselves by watching how you treat yourself, and that includes what you say about yourself.
“Whether you lift yourself up or criticize yourself in the mirror, they’re listening. Your self-talk becomes their inner voice.” (Kim, Carol [parenting.resilience]. “Ten Things your Kids Secretly Watch you do as a Parent.” *Instagram, January 11, 2025. www.instagram.com/p/DEsjv-kRky0/?img_index=3&igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D)
If you are constantly saying that you are fat, or talking about one of your failures or mistakes, then you are tearing down someone that they love and that hurts them. Likewise, it would hurt you to hear them talk bad about themselves. So don’t give them a reason to think that negative self-talk is normal or okay.
Practicing positive affirmations is a good way to manage emotions so that you can reduce negative self-thoughts and self-talk. Doing this with your kids can be a great exercise to shape their self-esteem and boost their confidence.
You are not perfect, no one is, and you shouldn’t make your kids think that you are. You can be honest without talking down about yourself. It’s okay to share with them some of your insecurities or struggles, but you can balance it by telling them what you are doing to overcome them. If you achieve something or overcome something you have been struggling with, celebrate it so that they can see that celebrating yourself is okay.
As a parent you are going to deal with stress and it’s okay for your kid to see that. But you want them to see you use positive coping skills because they are learning strategies from you on how to deal with difficult situations.
If you shut down when you are stressed or lash out at them or others, then most likely they will do the same; which means you will be creating an unhealthy cycle of a negative stress response in your family. They also may internalize your response and think that whatever stress you are experiencing is their fault.
“While it can be uncomfortable for your child to see you get upset, being able to watch you self-soothe and put words to your experience (“I’m sad about some news I heard today, so I’m going to talk it over with a friend”) can be helpful and reassuring.” (Klein-Baer, Rosa. “How to Model Healthy Coping Skills.” Child Mind Institute. February 20,2025. www.childmind.org/article/how-to-model-healthy-coping-skills/)
Explain to your kids that sometimes stress can trigger strong emotions and there is nothing wrong with feeling those emotions, but it may take time and practice to develop the emotional maturity needed to react positively. Emotional maturity is a topic we have discussed in previous blogs, we covered it for adults and kids.
Whether it’s your spouse or a stranger at the grocery store, your kids are watching how you interact with and treat others. At home you may get frustrated with your partner and be tempted to lash out by making a comment under your breath or rolling your eyes. But remember if you do, it won’t go unnoticed by your kids. Seeing you react this way when you get frustrated will make them think that it’s okay for them to also react that way to the people they love and care about. It’s important to model kindness and choosing adaptive ways to deal with your frustrations at home, so that the behaviors they imitate are positive ones.
It’s just as important to model this kindness in public when you are interacting with strangers. Kids who witness their parents being rude to the waitress in a restaurant, or talking down to the cashier at the store will grow up to be adults who do the same thing. One day your child may grow up to be that waitress or cashier and you wouldn’t want people treating them poorly. So start showing them at a young age that all people, even strangers, should be treated with respect and kindness.
If they see that you value helping others that are in need, then they will grow up valuing other people and doing what they can to make a difference in the world. Take them to volunteer, make cards for people who are sick, let them see you drop some money in the donation pail at Christmas time. This will create a ripple effect and if they see you helping out they will become helpers too.
You are literally your child’s living guide book to life and they are soaking up the lessons every day. We all know that actions speak louder than words, so show your kids how to live a healthy life where they treat themselves and others with compassion.
If your kid is angry, more than likely there is something deeper going on. Anger is usually a reaction to other feelings, what you see may look like anger, but in reality, that emotion is secondary to what is really happening inside of them. So …
Before becoming a mother you can read all the books and spend months preparing for what you think it will be like, but there will always be things you cannot anticipate until you are in the middle of this new and exciting role. Let’s discuss …
Over functioning can happen in many areas of your life including in relationships, social settings or at work. But what is it exactly and how is it different from being high functioning? Let’s talk about some signs, causes and how to address it.
People who are described as “high-functioning” are usually goal driven, responsible, very productive. They are organized and flexible and can handle stress effectively. But sometimes people who appear to be, or consider themselves, high-functioning can actually be over-functioning.
Over-functioning is when a person is doing more than what is necessary, taking on too much and/or trying to control things; and it begins to have an impact on their well-being.
“When you over-function, you try to “fix” or “rescue” situations and people, because you fear that if you don’t, no one will. Overfunctioning can masquerade as helpfulness.” (Wilding, Melody. “8 Signs You’re Over-Functioning At Work (And How To Avoid Inevitable Burnout.” Melody Wilding. www.melodywilding.com/8-signs-that-you-are-over-functioning-at-work/#:~:text=What%20is%20Over%2Dfunctioning%3F,Overfunctioning%20can%20masquerade%20as%20helpfulness.)
Some signs that a person is over-functioning can include:
Over-functioning can stem from a pressure to do things a certain way, because some people fear making mistakes and the consequences those mistakes could lead to. This can come from so many places… especially from childhood where well meaning parents constantly corrected you, so you tried to get ahead of the perceived criticism or receiving attention or praise mostly when you were helpful or being the harmonizer in your family when there was lots of chaos or being high achieving was very rewarded and this is where you derive your worth… the list goes on and on! And not because parents were bad, just life circumstances and your natural tendencies/capabilities can set this up.
You might have a very real belief that if you don’t do certain things, no one will do them, so you have to. And, it’s true that if you stop over-functioning, there will be things that fall apart, there will be people who don’t like it. But at a certain point in time, you’re faced with the decision: either you’re going to do it all and be it all and be exhausted or you’re going to start to let go and see what the actual truth is (what people are actually capable of, what actually needs to be done and what doesn’t) so you can adjust and regain some balance.
It’s definitely going to be uncomfortable, but so is feeling resentful, exhausted, unsupported by carry all the weight with no end in sight. If you over function, other people will under function. Sometimes that will be because they generally under function and that makes you a good match. Or it will be because they can do their part because you’re already handling it. Over functioning can happen emotionally (being responsible for how other people feel, over understanding), logistically (taking care of life details, driving to them, making plans, organizing), financially, physically (chores, child care, work), etc.
When you start to scale back, you’ll find that some people are no longer a match in your life. And you’ll see other people step into the relationship more and things will rebalance.
Becoming more aware of when you are over-functioning is the first step because most people do not realize they are doing it at all. If your mental health is being affected by all the things you are doing, and all the things that you are responsible for, then it can be time to take a step back and reassess.
If you feel like you may be over-functioning, and you know it’s time to make a change, contact us, we can help.
You have probably heard it said, or maybe you have said it yourself, “I don’t need to go to therapy, that’s what I have friends for”. Is it great to have friends to confide in and vent to when you are going through something stressful? …
Most of us strive to be understanding with others, especially the people in our lives that we care about. But sometimes, without realizing it, we can begin to enable dysfunctional behaviors, when all we intended to do was help someone. So let’s talk about the …
Therapy isn’t about fixing you because you’re not broken.
You don’t need fixing, but you can benefit from holding yourself accountable, building trust and breaking patterns that hold you back. Let’s talk about how therapy can help you do this and lead to a healthier, happier you.
Once you decide to begin therapy, you’ve already taken the first step in exercising accountability because you are making a decision to work on yourself. This doesn’t mean you should feel shame about things you have done or feelings you’re having. But anytime you face challenges in life, it’s important to look within to see if there are things you can change.
Sometimes it’s easy to identify the role that others play in a conflict but not so easy to see your own role. Therapy provides a space where you can reflect on your coping skills, how you respond to life’s ups and downs, how you manage your emotions, and how you engage with others. It starts with you and once you get to know yourself and your core values and beliefs, you are better equipped to deal with the challenges of life and relationships.
You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anything, or anyone else; and that’s what therapy is, being accountable for and taking care of yourself.
It all starts with building trust. Step one is building a relationship with your therapist. In a past blog we shared some tips on How to Find a Therapist because it is important that you are comfortable with them. Your relationship with your therapist can play a big role in whether or not you see the results you desire. Once you build a relationship with your therapist you can start to work on building trust with other people in your life.
When you have been hurt or let down in your past, you tend to lose trust in others, and building that trust again can be scary. Or maybe you don’t trust yourself or your ability to make good choices. No one in your life will ever be perfect, and neither will you, but you can identify your values and set boundaries so that you can build trust. Therapy can help you build the self-confidence you need to make positive decisions and form healthy relationships.
A big part of therapy is identifying and addressing the patterns that are holding your back. If you are stuck in a negative pattern and keep responding the same way, you will always get the same results. “Therapy can help us see how our thoughts and beliefs shape our responses and experiences. It creates a space where you can be guided to peel back the layers of who you are, revealing truths that may have been hidden or avoided.” (Cobb-Farmer, Brittney [ablackfemaletherapis]. “Therapy Won’t Fix You, but here’s what it can do:” *Instagram, November 7, 2024, www.instagram.com/p/DCFDhGCP6GP/?img_index=12)
There are lots of reasons why people don’t change, or get stuck in patterns. It could be due to lack of resources or support, fear or just lack of awareness of the negative cycle that is bringing them down. As you think about things you struggle with, it may be hard to see a pattern that you need to break away from. Therapy can help you reflect on and assess your past and present struggles in order to shine a light on a pattern that may exist. Taking steps to break those patterns can be hard and take time, but the support you receive in therapy can help you get there and start to see progress.
If you are in therapy, or thinking about beginning therapy, remember that there is nothing “wrong” with you and you do not need to be “fixed”. Therapy provides a space where you can learn about yourself and how to manage your emotions so that you can cope with life’s challenges. It’s a place to build a positive relationship with yourself so that you can establish positive relationships with others and the world around you. If you are ready to get started, contact us.
It’s natural to feel responsible for things you’re not responsible for. Feeling like everything is on you can be exhausting and can lead to breaking you down physically and/or emotionally. Let’s talk about 3 things that you can let go of and remind yourself that …