Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
Burnout is real. Not only is it miserable for you, it’s toxic for your health and your relationships. You know this already. What you might not know about is these four signs that are about real life. Be honest with yourself when you look at …
It is that time of year. So much is going on and coming up. And, that is natural. When overwhelm hits, it feels like you need to do all the things. What actually needs to happen is taking a step back. Not much good comes …
Have you seen the Mr. Rogers movie? If you haven’t, the part I loved the most (without giving anything away) is how aware he was of others.
Somewhere along the line in your holiday season this year, there will be someone who is making a celebration possible or making an effort bring in the holiday spirit in ways that you don’t readily see.
They might be planning menus, sending emails, setting up events, cleaning their homes, spending more than they thought they would, taking time out of their day that makes your holiday season sweeter.
It could be your family member, someone in your office, a neighbor, a professional contact, your kid’s friend’s parent helping them pick out a gift for your kid. Anybody!
See that person and their effort. You know that so many households, businesses, schools have holiday celebrations and there is someone spending hours of their own time and effort (and money!) putting that together. Go to that person and give them your gratitude for what they are offering you and your loved ones.
Because what they do might have come to be “expected”. Whether it is expected or not, it is their gift and they will be touched to have been seen.
Giving that acknowledgment and gratitude can go a long way. It’s free. It will bring you joy and it creates a ripple of kindness.
All it requires is your presence to notice.
A couple of months ago, we wrote a post about the Top 5 Back to School Tips from One Heart Therapists. We thought it would be a good time to check back in about those! And to support you in starting to consider what your …
The people in your life might not even register this information consciously, but they act on this information. I see how the quality of someone’s listening can open or close doors. I see how relationships flourish or disintegrate as a result of the how people …
Happily Family is a fantastic parenting resource that offers bi-annual conferences that include big names in the field of psychology, coaching, membership programs that offer group support and lots of incredible free content.
They share in such a relatable and compassionate way, it is a support for parents as people just as much as it is a support for the work of parenting.
It’s a fast and easy read that can help create developmentally appropriate and instant shifts if you put a couple strategies to use.
These suggestions are what we work with parents on all the time!
Boundaries are one of the most important ways you care for your relationships and for yourself. It’s a way of being honest about what works for you and what doesn’t. This has nothing to do with being selfish. When you are not clear with others …
The first day of school is around the corner so we decided to round up our top tips from each of the therapists on our One Heart team. We want to set you up for success as you transition into the fresh new school year! …
We talk a lot in sessions about what kids hear and witness when there is stress going on inside a family.
If a parent cries or parents argue, on some level, kids are going to know. They might directly see or hear. Or they simply might feel that something is going on. Emotional currents run through a family and through households. There is no hiding that.
Also, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come out of my office and bumped into a kid listening at the door of one of the other therapists that work in our office suite. Kids are nosy!
You have to remember that picking up on these things, to some degree consciously or unconsciously, is partly a survival mechanism. Kids rely on their parent(s) to get needs met and they need to know what is going on in the family system so they can estimate how or when those needs can be met. This “thought process” about getting needs met can be largely unconscious. That information is required nonetheless.
To what degree? It really depends on the child or teen, their age, their level of emotional awareness, sensitivity and the family dynamics.
As with most things, it depends. However, I would say that it is likely that some acknowledgement of what is happening will be helpful.
Most of the time, you want to acknowledge that there is some kind of stress or there was a tough moment because they are going to find a way to make sense of it whether you share with them or not. Consider that most kids/teens (and some people in general) will tend to explain things to themselves putting themselves at the center of the story. This way, there is a sense of control.
If parents are fighting over parenting, for example, a child might decide they are the problem and if they are more well behaved or easy, the fighting will stop. Or, if they need less, their parents won’t be so stressed about money. They want to fix it. Just like we all want to solve problems and stop pain.
So, if you don’t acknowledge what is happening and provide some kind of explanation, you risk a young mind trying to make sense of bigger scale problems without support.
So, if parents are fighting over screen time, you might say to your young child: “we are having some trouble agreeing about how much screen time is healthy. So, we are going to try and find a way to agree, even though we have not found it yet.”
Keep it short and sweet.
Yes, they need to see that adults have feelings too. And that adults also have to figure out how to get along and grow through challenges.
If you try to keep everything away from your child, you are not allowing them the opportunity to see how a healthy adult or healthy couple works through challenges.
The key is not flooding them with your feelings.
Let’s say you are grieving. It is OK for your child to see you cry or need time for yourself. You can say “I’m feeling sad about ____ and I need to cry a little” or “I need to take some space for my feelings right now. I’m OK and this is just a wave that needs to pass through”.
With any challenge, you can say “I know that this is a challenge and challenges are here to help me learn and grow. I’m figuring out how to do that right now and it’s a little messy!”
Talk to them how you would want them to talk to themselves, you or others through a challenge. Kids pick up these things fast.
They are going to handle things in they way you show them to handle things. Whether you are intentional about it or not.
No matter what you say, make sure you add that you are OK, they are OK or things will be OK. You want them to understand that they are safe and do not need to worry, that you are handling it.
Even if you don’t know how you are going to handle it yet! You are an adult and you will figure it out. If it is too big to do on your own, you know you can get support to figure it out. One of the ways you can do that is by finding a therapist who can guide you through.
I would expect that you will get a minimizing or distracted response from most kids. Their response is not the important part.
They have ears that hear.
Your acknowledgement is the important part so that can do what they need to do with that information internally.
Consider how you think of things that happened in your own childhood. It didn’t feel important until you saw the impact later. Just like a sunburn. You really don’t know how bad it’s going to be until later. That’s why they minimize it. They haven’t gotten to the sunburn part yet. You have.
Here are some reasons they might not respond to what you say:
If they do respond or have questions, great!
Did your parents acknowledge things that happened in your home? If they did or didn’t, what was that like?
I recently had the chance to sit down to lunch with Monica Fyfe, MFT, founder of Our Village. Our Village is a 503c non-profit organization offering group based social skills support for any family that has a child managing any kind of social deficit (including …