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The rise of platforms like Talkspace and BetterHelp bring up this question. And it brings up the reason I started a private practice and decided never to be contracted with insurance companies. SIDE NOTE: At One Heart Counseling Center, we do check your out of …
Sometimes it may feel like you are talking to a brick wall and your kids hear nothing you are saying. But you can rest assured that they are listening and they are always watching! So what are the things they are secretly watching that maybe …
If your kid is angry, more than likely there is something deeper going on. Anger is usually a reaction to other feelings, what you see may look like anger, but in reality, that emotion is secondary to what is really happening inside of them. So it doesn’t mean that they are a bad kid or that you are a bad parent, it means they need help regulating the emotion or issue that is the root cause of the anger. Let’s talk about what that may be.
Emotions are hard to deal with sometimes, even for adults, and it takes time to learn how to manage them and appropriately express them. Kids can really struggle with strong emotions like fear, sadness and frustration (just to name a few) because they may not be able to identify them and share them with you. They don’t have the tools to work through those emotions yet, and that can lead to them coming out as anger.
It’s important to have conversations with your kids about different emotions and teach them healthy ways to cope with them. Show them positive techniques that can help them like taking deep breaths, counting, drawing, etc. Also encourage them to try to put their feelings into words and emphasize that they can always talk to you about how they are feeling.
“Being an emotionally intelligent parent means you see challenging behaviour as dysregulation driven by overwhelming emotions.” (Pinto, Stephanie [emotionally.intelligent.parent]. “An Angry Child.” *Instagram, January 4, 2025, www.instagram.com/p/DEZOykETw-n/?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==)
If you know there is a situation coming up or currently happening that can create stress for them, like a move to a new home or new school, a new baby coming, or another big change in their life, prepare them ahead of time by talking to them about it and checking in with them to see how they are handling it.
Kids usually desire independence and want to do things themselves. Sometimes kids want to do things on their own that they are not ready for or able to do, and that is frustrating to them because they feel powerless. This can lead to anger within themselves because they can’t do something, or anger directed at you because they feel like you are not allowing them to do something.
It can be very frustrating to feel powerless and built up frustrations can fuel an angry outburst. They aren’t able to connect those feelings of frustration that come from having to depend on their parents or someone else, to the angry behaviors that surface; but there may be signs that clue you in to it. If they are having a hard time with something and they can’t seem to manage or control a situation without your help (like homework, tying their shoes, dealing with a social situation), their emotional and/or behavioral response may be anger.
Some children have trouble processing the information they receive from their senses. Hypersensitive kids can get overwhelmed easily, and as a result they may display behaviors that seem inappropriate for the situation, such as angry outbursts.
“Some children have trouble processing the information they are taking in through their senses. Things like too much noise, crowds and even “scratchy” clothes can make them anxious, uncomfortable, or overwhelmed.” (Lopes, Vasco & Shuldiner, Marc. “Angry Kids: Dealing with Explosive Behavior.” Childmind.org. March 17, 2025. www.childmind.org/article/angry-kids-dealing-with-explosive-behavior/)
Parents may notice as early as the toddler years, that their child has an unusual dislike of things like light or noise, or maybe their shoes or clothes. When a child has trouble processing things through their senses they can become overwhelmed and confused, which can lead to an angry outburst.
Understanding their sensitives and triggers is key, then you can help to reduce overstimulation. Helping them learn to self-regulate using strategies like breathing exercises can give them a positive way to cope, which will hopefully eliminate outbursts or tantrums.
It can be hard not to react to the actual anger or angry behavior that your child exhibits, but if you practice seeing the anger for what it really is you can redirect and support your kid. Focus on helping them name their emotions, teaching them calming strategies and modeling healthy ways to deal with anger.
Understand that you won’t respond perfectly every time, and that’s okay. If you need additional support to help your child deal with anger, contact us, we can help!
Before becoming a mother you can read all the books and spend months preparing for what you think it will be like, but there will always be things you cannot anticipate until you are in the middle of this new and exciting role. Let’s discuss …
Over functioning can happen in many areas of your life including in relationships, social settings or at work. But what is it exactly and how is it different from being high functioning? Let’s talk about some signs, causes and how to address it. People who …
You have probably heard it said, or maybe you have said it yourself, “I don’t need to go to therapy, that’s what I have friends for”. Is it great to have friends to confide in and vent to when you are going through something stressful? Of course it is! But does talking to friends have the same outcome and benefits as going to therapy? No. So let’s talk about why.
If you rely on your friends for support, and expect them to take on your problems and help you “fix” them, there will be a point where you start to tax the relationship, meaning you are putting a heavy demand or pressure on them.
It’s common to go through ups and down with friends and if your friendship spans a number of years then they will inevitably help you get through some hard times. But relying fully on them to be there with solutions and strategies to get you through your most trying times can be too much pressure.
“Using a friend as a stand-in for a therapist strains the relationship. It places an unfair burden on the friend offering support and sets up a dysfunctional dynamic that isn’t healthy for either (“Your Friends Aren’t Your Therapists: How to Set Boundaries.” Newport Institute. May 5, 2023. www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/friends-not-therapists/#:~:text=When%20you’re%20struggling%2C%20it,a%20therapist%20strains%20the%20relationship.rson.”)
Preserving your relationship with your friend should be a priority and if you feel that you are relying on them too much for emotional support it may be time to look for a therapist. Sometimes they won’t tell you you’re relying on them too much, but you might notice they don’t pick up your calls as much or aren’t as active talking through your issues as they used to be.
Your friends give you their opinions based on their background and experience. Your therapist, however, is not speaking from their personal experience, they’re guiding you from their professional education and experience.
It will be hard for friends to be objective because they care about you, and they most likely always see things from your perspective and are on your side. Their intentions are good, but it’s more beneficial for you to have someone who is neutral, looking at your situation from an outside perspective.
Even though friends can be very wise, the possibility of them projecting their beliefs and experiences onto yours are high. This is because they don’t have the training to differentiate between what is important to their experience and growth, and what’s important to yours.
When you work with a therapist there are guidelines or boundaries that are established for your time together, and more than likely that is not going to be in place for when you have conversations with friends. When things get heavy, you or your friend may go too far (into sensitive areas where you can get overwhelmed) or unintentionally cross a line (where a judgement, opinion or unkind words come out) that damages the friendship.
Therapy is all about you. When you are talking things through with a friend, as their friend, you are still concerned with them and their feelings. It can be a relief not to have to think about reciprocating and being supportive to another person when you’re trying to work through your stuff. It’s not selfish to want to just focus on yourself when it comes to addressing emotional distress; it can take longer to navigate and get through it if your attention and focus is split.
Even though it’s a positive thing that it’s all about you, it can also be super uncomfortable that a conversation with your therapist is all about you. Either way, there’s a benefit.
Not only is therapy all about you, it is confidential. So you don’t have to worry about your therapist sharing what you discuss with other people in your friend group. You can feel confident that sharing your thoughts and feelings, good or bad, will not come back to haunt you later because it was leaked by someone you thought you could trust.
It is great to have good friends who are there for you when you need them, but it’s unrealistic to think they can replace the crucial role that a therapist plays.
Most of us strive to be understanding with others, especially the people in our lives that we care about. But sometimes, without realizing it, we can begin to enable dysfunctional behaviors, when all we intended to do was help someone. So let’s talk about the …
Therapy isn’t about fixing you because you’re not broken. You don’t need fixing, but you can benefit from holding yourself accountable, building trust and breaking patterns that hold you back. Let’s talk about how therapy can help you do this and lead to a healthier, …
It’s natural to feel responsible for things you’re not responsible for. Feeling like everything is on you can be exhausting and can lead to breaking you down physically and/or emotionally. Let’s talk about 3 things that you can let go of and remind yourself that you do not have to be responsible for in 2025.
We all want the people in our lives to be happy. It’s okay to want people to be happy, but to carry the weight of ensuring their happiness at all costs, will have a negative impact on you.
If you feel like it’s your job to keep someone happy, check in to see if that’s what they’re actually asking of you. And if they are, it may be time for a conversation to balance out the responsibility.
But what seems to happen more often is that we put this burden on ourselves. Making others happy may make you feel validated or liked; or maybe you don’t like conflict so you want people to be happy to keep the peace. No matter the reason, you go to great lengths to make sure people are happy, even if it means you are uncomfortable or have to do things that cause stress, or unhappiness, for yourself.
It’s not a bad thing to care about others and be concerned for their well-being. However, “the key is to examine your motivations and intentions. Don’t do things only because you fear rejection or want the approval of others. Keep doing good things, but on your own terms.”
Everyone experiences a variety of positive and negative emotions, it’s natural and nothing to be ashamed of. We don’t find ourselves apologizing for the positive ones, just the negative ones…why is that? If you wouldn’t say sorry for feeling happy, then why would you say sorry for feeling sad or upset? Those feelings are real and you shouldn’t feel like you have to apologize for them when they come up.
Apologizing for your feelings is not necessary. The only thing that could require an apology is how you handled an emotion. We discussed the habits of emotionally strong people in a previous blog; check it out to learn how to make an intentional choice to respond to your emotions in a healthy manner.
Most people fool themselves into believing that they can solve every problem in their life and the lives of their loved ones. Thinking this way can lead to unnecessary stress because when a problem can’t be solved, you feel like a failure. If there’s a problem and you can easily fix it or help to make it better, great! But you have to remember that sometimes there are things that are out of our control and we do not have the power to fix them.
You may put this pressure on yourself or others may put this pressure on you. Are you the go to person in your family or friend group that people look to when they have a problem that needs to be solved? If so, this may be flattering because it means they trust you and think you have the skills needed to fix things. But it can also be overwhelming if everyone looks to you to save them; or if you just think it’s your responsibility to save them.
“It’s okay to set boundaries, protect your energy, and let go of what isn’t yours to manage. Peace comes when we focus on what’s truly ours and release the rest.” (evolvecounselingaz. “20 Things that are Not Your Responsibility.” *Instagram, December 14, 2024, www.instagram.com/p/DDhkL7Ny2Rg/?igsh=ZGUzMzM3NWJiOQ%3D%3D)
Do what you can to help solve problems for others, or yourself, but accept the fact that you may not be able to always fix it and that’s okay.
Going into a new year is a chance to look at what behaviors and habits have served you well over the last year and what has caused you stress or held you back in some way. Letting go of the things that you do not have to be responsible for can lead to a happier, healthier year for you and those close to you. If you need support to assess and address your own behaviors and habits, contact us, we can help.
The end of the year is usually a time of reflection. And there can be stress that comes up that highlights your growth over the course of the year. Here are 3 signs you’ve grown this year. Choosing to accept or move on Sometimes we …