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Social media, whether we like it or not, has an impact on the therapy world. In therapy, we often educate our clients about mental health, family dynamics, and emotional wellness. We normalize and validate experiences to create a platform for the work you come to …
Do you have any end of the year rituals? A way to gather your experiences, crystallize your memories, celebrate milestones and integrate your growth? If you don’t or you are looking for ways to enhance your end of year reflections, we have a couple of …
Being emotionally drained and physically drained sometimes feel the same but they are not!
Because they are not the same, we are often left wondering what’s wrong.
We ask this question because being THAT tired and overwhelmed doesn’t make sense when you add up all the “activities” or “requests” that are happening.
I first noticed this as a kid. I would be exhausted and sometimes crabby during clothes shopping with my mom; even though I loved that time with her. It was the stimulation and the emotional decision making…trying to decide if my mom liked something and if I liked it. As a Highly Sensitive Person, I was taking in and processing way more than 80% of the population.
And I would get in trouble for being in a “bad mood” or shutting down when in reality, my system was just overwhelmed. To my mom, I seemed “ungrateful” which is understandable from her perspective.
For the signs that you or your child are emotionally drained, check out our last post here.
Today, let’s talk about how you recover from being emotionally drained.
Doing nothing might be just doing what you feel like doing around the house, it doesn’t necessarily mean laying around and not lifting a finger, but not doing anything that is an obligation. It could also be going on a walk, not for exercise but just to get out and take your time with no pressure to go a certain distance or at a certain pace. The space you find yourself in during these ‘doing nothing’ activities gives you time to process without necessarily thinking about anything.
This is especially helpful if you are introverted.
An introvert is defined by the fact that you recharge when you are alone vs with others. An extrovert recharges in the company of others. So if you’re an extrovert, it’s a good idea to go spend time with friends and do something that takes your mind off of whatever is emotionally draining you.
If you’re not sure whether you are introverted or extroverted, test it out. See if you feel energized or tired after spending time with loved ones.
Sometimes you just need to power down. You might resist it, but just give yourself or your child the time. It is best to remove electronic devices because screen time definitely impacts your sleep cycle (learn more about that in a past post HERE) and can prevent you from getting quality sleep.
However, if you have something on your mind, sometimes watching a show or a video can help focus your mind on something else and give you space from whatever is emotionally draining.
Sleep is connected to proper brain function and researchers have even found that it can remove waste products from our brain cells. It helps us process what we learn during the day and be able to remember information for the future.
“When we have emotional experiences, sleep both helps us remember these events and remove the associated feelings. This happens in REM sleep, when activity in most brain regions is similar to when we’re awake. By reactivating memories during REM sleep, the associated feelings can be removed from the content of the memory. This is why “sleeping on it” really can help you feel better in the morning. Indeed, studies have shown that, over time, improving sleep can lead to less anxiety, depression, and stress, and increased life satisfaction.” (THE Conversation | ‘Sleeping on it’ helps you better manage your emotions and mental health – here’s why; Beth Daley, March 18, 2022)
Changing your routine to get more sleep can have a significant impact when you are feeling emotionally drained. You will probably meet some resistance if you start making your child go to bed earlier but you should both see the benefits pretty soon.
Other than turning in early, another solution can be getting up and out.
Fresh air is revitalizing and helps to clear your energy. Connecting with the earth is grounding. It helps you get into the present moment, especially if you take the time to intentionally breathe and focus on your senses. If you are short on time for a refuel, getting outside for some fresh air and sunshine is your best bet because it really is a supercharger!
“Research shows that people who are more connected with nature are usually happier in life and more likely to report feeling their lives are worthwhile. Nature can generate many positive emotions, such as calmness, joy, and creativity and can facilitate concentration. Nature connectedness is also associated with lower levels of poor mental health, particularly lower depression and anxiety.” (mentalhealth.org/uk | Nature: How connecting with nature benefits our mental health)
The environment you are in plays a role in how you feel. Think about places that you have been that stress you out. More than likely those places are busy or loud or there is some element present that keeps you from relaxing or letting down your guard.
Nature is typically free from distractions, quiet and non-threatening. We are genetically programmed to find nature interesting and it is a comforting environment because it is natural, not complicated with human-made objects or noise.
Being physically drained and emotionally drained are not the same thing. Even though they can sometimes look similar. Why is it helpful to know if you’re emotionally drained? It can save you a fight and it can help you take better care of yourself because …
A lot of parents bring up phone time and social media use as concerns in sessions. We thought we’d take a minute to talk about this because it’s important for teens, but also for you as adults. Social media and screen time are here to …
Parental burnout is real. And, it’s coming up a lot right now.
Summer is over, kids are adjusting to the routine of being back in school, pandemic restrictions and concerns have largely been lifted… yet many parents may be finding themselves exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed and burnt out.
But why???
Where are these feelings coming from or lingering from?
And what are we as parents to do about it if we’re feeling this way?
Any stage of parenthood has its challenges, but overall parenthood is one of the most challenging jobs there is! Unlike other jobs though, parenthood is a job that does not offer vacation or sick leave, training, breaks or a salary.
The parenting job is often relentless…not only are we responsible for the safety and wellbeing of another human being (or multiple human beings), but the job is essentially about “juggling” many responsibilities.
Parenting is a constant state of juggling your child’s needs, your home needs, partner or family needs and your own needs. No wonder parents are tired! It’s a lot!
Throw in environmental stressors and for some (myself included at times) it can feel like a constant merry-go-round trying to find balance while not “dropping one of the balls” we’re juggling.
Parental Burnout happens when parents become exhausted physically and emotionally from extended exposure to times of high stress. The “juggling” is stressful!
The pressure that society places on parents as well as the expectations and pressures we place on ourselves creates this extended stressful experience that can lead to burnout.
A recent interesting and concerning study from researchers at Ohio State University found that more than two-thirds of parents report currently experiencing parental burnout.
What does this mean?
It means this is a systemic problem and that if you find yourself feeling burned out, you’re not alone!
Symptoms can be experienced on a spectrum with some parents reporting mild symptoms to some experiencing symptoms more severely. Symptoms to look for may include some of the following:
-chronic worry or stress about “getting things done.”
-increased irritability
-sleep disturbances or poor sleep quality
-physical manifestation of burnout may include headaches or physical tiredness/exhaustion or tension held in muscles and joints
-thoughts or feelings that you’re in “survival mode” as a parent
-sense of dread or dissatisfaction in role as a parent
-desire to disconnect from children in order to preserve energy
It’s important to make note that most parents that experience Parental Burnout love their children very much and usually will express how much they love their children. Burnout is not an indicator of how much we as parents love or care for our children, rather it’s experiencing difficulty with the day-to-day of parenting that may result in loss of feeling fulfilled in parenting.
*parents that report and present with more severe parental burnout may be at higher risk of harming or neglecting their children and/or harming or neglecting themselves. If you feel you are a risk to yourself or your children please contact any of the resources at the end of this blog immediately.
Often parents who experience parental burnout feel they have “so much to do and not enough time to do it.” I myself am guilty of this one as a parent! We set these lofty goals or expectations and then find them impossible to meet.
Re-evaluate for yourself where the desire is coming from to “do all the things” and recognize it does not make you a bad parent if you need to “say no” to things or lower the bar for yourself.
For example: If you see these cute Pinterest worthy healthy lunches on social media, but this creates added work, stress and pressure to make them… lower your expectations! No need to add this *unnecessary* stress, pack a “regular” lunch or allow your child to get lunch from the cafeteria.
Along with the concept of lowering expectations is the concept of simplifying or eliminating unnecessary or additionally stressful activities or tasks. Is it overwhelming to take your two or three children (or even one child) to various after school activities. Simplify and encourage one activity only.
If it’s challenging to eliminate activities or things from your list, look for alternative or creative solutions to simplify. Ways to simplify things could include: finding possible carpool options, ordering dinner, or having children help with household chores.
I know this feels easier said than done, and depending on the ages of your children these breaks may be VERY short. Even a 5 minute break of alone time however may be enough to allow time for a “reset.”
Going to work outside the home or spending alone time addressing household needs (such as grocery shopping or laundry) while therapeutic for some and may be a break from parenting, can ultimately contribute to burnout. Be intentional with your breaks and be sure the break, however short or long it may be, is self-care focused (not parental or work focused).
If your children are young and wake up during the night, if possible, find ways to share and simplify nighttime parent duties with a partner or family. If you do wake up during the night due to either your children’s needs or if sleep is disrupted on your own try keeping lights out or dim, if you turn bright lights on it may signal to your brain “it’s time to wake up” making it more challenging to get back to sleep.
Use a nightlight or dim light in children’s rooms or bathrooms for night wakings.
Create a positive sleep plan: attempt to be in bed by a reasonable time each night, reduce blue light exposure prior to bedtime, introduce a guided sleep meditation and/or create a routine that will promote positive sleep quality for yourself.
Parenting is hard! What works for me in the particular tough moments, is to remind myself that I am doing the best I can in any given moment. I may not be as stellar as I was the day before or I may not be living up to the expectation I set for myself, but I am doing the best I can in this given situation.
Allowing grace and compassion for yourself can create room for you to work on letting go of those expectations you may have and make space for you to take breaks, practice self-care and ultimately be a better version of yourself and better parent to your children. You are doing the best you can!
Lastly, but certainly not least… parenthood is a journey. Many of us can lose sight of the fact that this is a marathon and we try running at a sprint pace or we don’t look for our support team to help and we’re burning ourselves out!
Let’s try to remind ourselves to be patient with ourselves, pace ourselves and find others that can help along the way. Even finding one other person on this parenting journey with a child similar age to your children can have such a beneficial impact on parental stress relief.
If you find you need more support, contact us.
We at One Heart Counseling Center can help.
This article was written by Chelsea Derossi M.A., LMFT, ATR. Chelsea currently works at One Heart Counseling Center with parents in all stages of parenting! She has completed specialized training with Postpartum Support International and is licensed as a PMH-C (perinatal mental health counselor).
Here are some resources if you feel you are in more immediate need of support.
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988
National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255
Post Partum Support International Helpline 1-800-944-4773
National Parent Helpline 1-855-4A-PARENT (1-855-427-2736)
Parent Stress Line 1-800-632-8188
Link to Ohio State University Study has tips and links for support: wellness.osu.edu
*Study mentioned in this blog was titled:
Pandemic Parenting: Examining the Epidemic of Working Parental Burnout and Strategies to Help
May 2022 Ohio State University
This is a big parenting technique that has been taught for decades about how to deal with tantrums and big feelings: just ignore them. And, if we’re being honest, it makes sense coming from a behavioral perspective – reinforce behaviors you want to see more …
There’s a lot more information about trauma out there on social media now, which is great because it elevates collective awareness around trauma and how it impacts our daily lives. You’ve probably heard of flight or flight as responses to trauma triggers, but you may …
It’s never too early to begin laying the foundation for emotional maturity. Kids will take on what you, as the parent, create as the norm. I recently witnessed a two year old take a full body breath after she started whining, when her mom guided her to take a breath. It was clear she fully understood what it meant to take a breath and relax her body. If she can do it, we all can do it. So let’s talk about how to help kids develop emotional maturity.
When kids experience something that is uncomfortable, it can throw them for a loop. They don’t really know what to do with the feelings they are experiencing. Start with teaching them to breathe with things from a young age. Model doing this yourself. This can become second nature if you consistently use breathing techniques yourself and redirect them to use them when they are struggling. You can do this using meditation apps to teach and practice breathing.
Here are some examples to use this in everyday life:
Affirm that it’s okay to have feelings that are uncomfortable or make them upset and guide them through a positive way to cope with what they are feeling. They need to understand that the feeling is not the problem, the negative reaction is. Let them see you make a choice to deal with your feelings in a positive way through modeling.
When I was growing up, apologies weren’t a thing. Maybe because apologies were seen as compromising authority or power. As we evolve, we are seeing that authority or power are not compromised by taking responsibility, instead an apology can enhance power: what bends doesn’t break.
Taking responsibility produces trust and respect. If a kid sees the adults in their life take responsibility or tell someone they are sorry when they are wrong, it will relieve some of the pressure they feel to be perfect because they will see that even adults mess up sometimes. It shows them you are human and this creates an opportunity for them to connect with you and see that no one is perfect.
“Always Say the Words “I’m Sorry”. Sometimes wrong-doers try to repent in other ways. They’ll perform acts of kindness and bestow gifts.” But hearing the words ‘I’m sorry’ feels the most sincere. “Saying you’re sorry concisely and sincerely shows kids that no one is perfect.” (Parents.com | How to Apologize to Your Kids the Right Way—And Why It’s Important , Holly Rizzuto Palker | March 25, 2021)
This doesn’t mean over apologizing or always taking the blame, but modeling appropriate self responsibility. This also builds empathy and communication skills which are crucial for emotional maturity.
Repair communication is an important part of successful relationships that can weather inevitable conflict. This means coming to the table with each person taking responsibility for their own part in the conflict.
It always takes two to tango. Simplify this with younger kids or start by modeling this kind of communication with others in the house. A good guideline or question can be when you are repairing: what did we learn about ourselves in that interaction?
This teaches self reflection, self responsibility, and conflict resolution skills. This also teaches that conflict can be a source of growth and doesn’t have to be avoided at all costs. Finally, it’s a way to get out of the blame game. Most people point fingers during conflict rather than take responsibility or become more aware of themselves.
Imagine the kind of world we would have if we all handled conflict this way.
Being curious about feelings vs reactive toward feelings can make a big difference when it comes to the development of emotional maturity. This can start early! Instead of framing feelings as a problem, encourage your kids to embrace them. Accepting them with a sense of curiosity builds self awareness and empathy.
“Talk openly about emotions rather than dismissing or burying them…Never punish a child for feeling sad or angry. Make it clear that all emotions are welcome, and learn to manage them in a healthy way through discussion and reflection.” (Biglifejournal.com | Key Strategies to Teach Children Empathy (Sorted by Age) | By Ashley Cullins, October 22)
Being curious about their feelings doesn’t mean they do not express them, it means they work to understand them and make positive choices about how they will handle them.
When you encourage your kids to be curious and seek to understand their emotions you are creating opportunities for meaningful discussions where you can guide them to create positive coping skills.
Developing emotional maturity early means your kids will be better equipped to handle some of the hard seasons of life that they will encounter as they grow up.
If they become more comfortable with feeling their emotions at a young age they will more than likely feel more stable and confident when they have to work through a social, or personal, challenge.
Sometimes people do things that get under your skin and they usually aren’t doing them because they’re rude or annoying. More than likely it’s because they are responding to something intense in their internal world. Of course, it might annoy you and push your buttons, …