Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
There’s a lot of advice about not bottling up your emotions, being vulnerable and telling people how you feel. But when does this cross the line into emotional dumping? Here are 3 signs of emotional dumping and what to do instead: 1 – Talking about …
Postpartum depression is really well known but postpartum anxiety isn’t talked about as much. So let’s break this down. What is it + why does it happen? As a new mom you may feel tense or anxious in the beginning because being responsible for a …
When you think of someone who is emotionally strong you may think that nothing bothers them or that they never struggle when they encounter hard situations in their life; but that’s not always true. Being emotionally strong does not mean a person is stone cold or never feels down, they are still human, so they will still experience the same hard emotions (and all the ups and downs that go along with them) as everyone else.
The difference is, they make an intentional choice to respond to their emotions in a healthy manner, which has helped them develop habits that make them emotionally stronger, allowing them to navigate the ups and downs in a positive way.
Let’s talk about 5 of those habits and how they help.
Ignoring your feelings or stuffing them deep down inside is not a sign of strength. It may feel scary to allow yourself to feel the big, ugly feelings and emotions that you are experiencing but eventually those feelings will come back up and they will most likely be bigger and uglier than they were initially. It’s okay to feel them, even if they scare you and make you think bad thoughts, it’s how you respond to them that matters.
You can feel negative emotions without responding to them in a negative way.
So many people are embarrassed to cry, even when they are alone. We have been conditioned to think that it is a sign of weakness, but it’s not! Crying reduces emotional stress and it allows you a way to release and process emotions.
“When emotions are held back, such as swallowing or holding back tears, the emotional energy gets congested in the body. Rather than having that flow of emotional force circulating and completing its cycle, it gets stopped up.” (“Crying is a Sign of Strength, Not Weakness.” Enlightened Solutions. https://enlightenedsolutions.com/crying-is-a-sign-of-strength-not-weakness/)
Sometimes it’s easy to blame yourself or acknowledge your flaws that may have led to an emotional situation. It’s true that you may make a mistake but if you are constantly engaging in negative self-talk you will break yourself down and struggle to be emotionally strong. Be gentle with yourself, show some grace, and be intentional about taking steps to make positive changes.
When emotions are running high you may be tempted to make impulsive decisions in an effort to change the situation you are in. But your judgment is usually cloudy because those big feelings are taking up most of the space in your brain and there is little room left for logical thinking.
Things become more clear after you have given your emotions a chance to settle down and even out. Make a choice to not make big decisions or take action on something outside of your normal activities, while you are in the middle of a very emotional situation.
A good rule of thumb is to ‘sleep on it’, meaning you give yourself at least one good night’s rest and see if you still feel like it’s a good idea tomorrow.
If you allow things to happen that make you uncomfortable or that you know should not be happening then you will have an emotional response; and if it happens repeatedly then it will wear on your emotional health. When you set boundaries it shows that you care for your relationships and for yourself. Standing up for yourself and holding a boundary is not selfish, it shows that you are aware of what your needs are and you are mature enough to convey them to others. (Shubham [bookreadersclub] “4 Habits of Emotionally Strong People.” *Instagram, January 17, 2024, https://www.instagram.com/p/C2MgjanrV-9/?img_index=2)
Click HERE to read a previous post where we explain how to set and hold boundaries.
Emotionally strong people did not just wake up one day with these habits. They took the time to learn about how to process their emotions and deal with them in a positive manner. You can do this too!
Logic might say that healing anxiety comes from stopping it. For example: trying to control anxious thoughts or avoid situations that make you anxious seem like they might be ways to get relief from anxiety. But relating to your anxiety like this is actually making …
Extra-curricular activities like sports and art classes are important for kids. They promote skill development, socialization, regulating energy levels, and physical health. But, when you’re trying to set up your kids’ after school schedule, there’s a reason not to lump therapy in with art and …
You’ve probably heard before that things get worse before they get better when you start therapy. For adults, the reason is because you start to open your eyes to things you might not have been aware of in your life and in your past.
For kids, it’s actually really different. Here’s why:
Initially kids might be excited to have time that’s completely focused on them. They get to play, or do art, and they build a connection with the therapist. Or, if your kid is a little more cautious, they might be a little quiet at first and then warm up over the first few sessions. So things start out good and all seems well until the newness starts to wear off and things go a little deeper.
Your child will act it out in their relationship with the therapist. They will not want to talk about something hard, they will lie, they will want to leave, they will have the same complaint about the therapist that they have about their teacher. The same behavior of bouncing off the walls at school will show up in the therapy room.
This is called “reenactment” and this is a good thing.
Why? Because it lets the therapist work with the exact issue that is bringing your child to therapy LIVE. As therapists, we want this because it’s much more effective to work with a live issue than to try to communicate with your child about some abstract (not present here and now) issue that they don’t want to talk about.
The struggle is: they will tell you they don’t want to go to therapy or they don’t like the therapist. As a parent your instinct is to take care of your child and making them do something they don’t want to do can feel wrong. But you got to this point of attending therapy out of love and concern for them, so don’t make yourself feel bad about encouraging therapy.
If your child comes to you complaining about therapy or their therapist and doesn’t want to go, this is when you need to have a parent session. Of course, your kid will be very convincing and you will want to listen to and protect them but you may not want to immediately pull them out of therapy without digging a little deeper.
A parent session can help you assess what is really going on and if there is a legitimate reason to discontinue and/or find a new therapist, or if they just don’t want to experience the uncomfortable feelings of working through their issues.
You have already invested a few hundred dollars in therapy, plus driving time, plus all it took you to find the therapist and set up the relationship in the first place.
If you really don’t think it’s a good match between the therapist and your child, that’s OK! But don’t waste your investment by not finding out the therapist’s perspective on what’s going on. This is literally what you paid to get.
If the issue that’s come up in therapy is a re-enactment, I would strongly consider keeping your kid in therapy to see it through. Ask the therapist what he/she recommends, collaborate to see how the re-enactment can be a way to resolve the exact symptom or pattern that you came to therapy to resolve.
Ask the therapist about how to get your kid to keep coming to sessions when they don’t want to. Also, check out this article here about kids being resistant to therapy.
Even if it makes sense to end therapy, you will at least have this information about the behavior and it will be super helpful when you work with another therapist.
The problematic behavior was created for a good reason and it’s hard to let go of it. It may not be a positive coping skill but it is a coping skill that they have come to rely on. Nobody likes change, even if the behavior is causing all kinds of issues. Most people will try to maintain homeostasis. Known and familiar is better than new and unfamiliar to the brain.
So, of course, they’re going to resist change. You might also feel like it’s hard to create change even though you want relief from the problem. Change is hard for lots of reasons and we talk about several of them here.
But it’s important to put in the work now when you are already in the therapeutic relationship and have support. You’re here, now it’s time to do the work. You can do it, so can your child. But it will require going through some discomfort.
Hang in there. Partner with your therapist and move forward together.
Maybe you have recently had some time off and your routine has been different because your family has been in holiday mode; but now it’s time to get back into your groove. This is actually a great time to reflect on what parts of your …
There’s a lot of pop mental health advice floating around on social media these days and I’m totally here for it…well, some of it. Should we be more informed about trauma, emotional intelligence, relationship dynamics and attachment issues? Yes,100%! Although it can be beneficial, there …
Holidays can be a fun time, but they can also be stressful, not just for you, but for your kids!
Let’s talk about some ways you can support your kids during the holidays so that the stress is not overwhelming to them or you.
Things get kind of hectic during the holidays: there are events to attend, changes in routines, and people around that your kids may not typically see the rest of the year. Communicating with your kids about these things ahead of time will help ease any anxieties they may have.
One way to share information with them is by creating a calendar with the events and activities you have scheduled and hang it on the fridge, or another central location. This way they can look at it to see what’s coming up and be prepared. If you have younger kids who cannot read, you can use pictures instead of text (or a combination of both).
Talk to them about who may be at these events, how long they will last and your behavior expectations. For instance if it’s a fun, relaxed activity let them know they’ll get to dress in comfy clothes and it’s okay for them to run around and play. If it’s a serious event (like a church service), explain that they may have to dress up a little and remind them that the expectation is to sit still and be quiet.
Talk to them about who will be there so they are prepared. Will it be mostly adults? Will other kids be there? Will they know everyone there or will there be some people they don’t know?
Sometimes it’s not necessarily the event that stresses kids out but just the uncertainty about what it’s all about and getting there and realizing it’s much different than what they thought it would be. Ease that stress by giving them info up front in ways that are developmentally appropriate for them.
It is definitely hard to keep a consistent routine for your kids during the holidays. Whether you typically have a strict routine or a more relaxed one, more than likely you have some constants when it comes to how you do things and the times they are done.
It can be exciting for kids to get to break the routine a little during the holidays, like staying up late to watch a Christmas movie or getting to eat extra sweets or snacks. But if you go too far off of their regular routine it can really throw them off and create stress, which could lead to them not feeling well or to behavior problems.
Try not to be so rigid that you miss out on opportunities to have some fun as a family but remember that consistency and routines can be comforting to kids so keep some constants in your schedule.
As a parent you may feel like you have to do everything yourself which can lead to you not only feeling burnt out but also ignoring your kids, making them feel left out. Getting your kids involved can make them feel important because they get to be a part of what you are doing and spend time with you.
Depending on the ages of your kids, you can give them tasks to help out with like wrapping presents, decorating, helping in the kitchen, etc.
Our instinct is to just do these things ourselves because we know we can get them done quickly. Having your kids help out means it will more than likely take a little longer because you have to supervise them closely, but the time you get to spend together will produce memories that you may not have created if you had not let them help out.
Getting your kids involved can help you create traditions that they can look forward to every year. Completing certain tasks like decorating the tree or helping bake cookies will become associated with family time and fun memories. In turn, the opportunity to help out will help reduce their level of stress when the busyness of the holidays starts to kick in.
Also, this helps them build skills along the way that will help them in other areas of life, which raises their confidence.
If you see that your kids are getting extra cranky or acting out during the holiday season, take a step back and see how you can adjust your schedule or slow down and spend more time with them so they don’t feel stressed out or overwhelmed. Making sure your kids feel supported and enjoy the special moments during this time of the year is what’s most important.
It’s the time of year where you probably have more contact with your family members. This means conversations may be coming up where you learn that a family member is needing your support. There is strong societal messaging around the fact that you should always …