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If you find yourself being long winded, can’t fit your written response into the allotted space, you use lots of parentheses when you write, you find the need to explain every no or if someone double texts or emails you because you didn’t respond… this …
Social media, whether we like it or not, has an impact on the therapy world. In therapy, we often educate our clients about mental health, family dynamics, and emotional wellness. We normalize and validate experiences to create a platform for the work you come to …
Too much screen time is a common concern among parents and it’s a question that comes up frequently in therapy sessions. So we wanted to share some helpful information with you about it here.
Some common fears that parents have is that screen time will have a negative impact on their child’s cognitive and/or social development.
It’s very unlikely that your child can avoid screens altogether with remote learning and the use of Facetime or other video chat platforms to keep in touch with family and friends.
Therefore, learning to establish boundaries and place limits on screen time are important.
In our previous post ‘How Does Screen Time Affect Your Mental Health?’, we discussed how screen time affects adults. When it comes to screen time for kids there are some similarities as well as some additional considerations.
A parent’s choice to allow their children to have or use a device, whether it’s a phone, laptop, ipad, etc., is not something that can be judged from the outside. Each family has to make the best decisions for their family and their specific circumstances.
Some children only connect with their relatives through video chat or text and having an option to foster those relationships through technology is a positive thing.
However, childhood is a crucial time for brain and cognitive development and studies have shown that too much screen time can have a negative impact.
‘A recent study by the National Institutes of Health has shown that children spending approximately 2 hours on screens have lower thinking/reasoning power and language processing ability. Moreover, the study has found that the brain area (cortex) responsible for reasoning and critical thinking becomes thinner in children who spend more than 7 hours on screens.’ News-medical.net
A child learns a lot through their environment and surroundings, as well as by observing others. Excessive screen time can limit the learning that takes place during these interactions.
Screen time can be an addiction for both adults and kids, but kids usually have a harder time identifying it as an addiction and acknowledging that the addiction is a negative thing. Therefore, they may show more resistance when boundaries regarding screen time are put in place.
Screen time releases dopamine in the brain, which makes them feel good; so the more screen time your child has, the more time they will want.
It’s likely that screen time becomes more of a need than a choice or desire, because your child will crave that dopamine release.
As a parent one important thing you can do is set a good example with your own screen time.
Talk about the boundaries you have in place for yourself and show them how it looks to uphold those boundaries; kids are always watching.
Having conversations about screen time and being open with your children about it’s negative impacts (in an age appropriate way), can help them learn, from a young age, that it is an important thing to manage. That awareness and openness on the topic can make a big difference.
Educating your children on the negative impacts of too much screen time can be just as vital to their well-being as educating them on the negative impacts of other behaviors like poor eating habits and lack of physical activity.
If you would like guidance on how to calculate the amount of screen time for your child, an online search may yield varying opinions.
The American Academy of Pediatrics and World Health Organization recommend the following:
There are lots of apps and tools available to monitor your child’s online activity as well as set limits for their screen time. A few popular ones are Zift, Screen time, Unglue, Qustodio and Norton Family. Most of them have free and paid premium options. Parents.com gives detailed info on each of these apps HERE.
A good place to start when creating boundaries and limits for screen time is to assess the current amount of time your child spends online and what times during the day they are using their devices. You can then determine what they are doing with the rest of their time, whether it’s school work, sports, family time, etc. Knowing what their typical day looks like and how much time is spent on a device will help you determine what changes need to be made and how their new routine will look.
Creating a plan together as a family is a good way to explain to your child why screen time limits are important and to talk about expectations. You can discuss the boundaries and expectations together and listen to any concerns, questions or input from your child(ren). They are more likely to get on board with the plan if they feel that they have been a part of developing that plan and they do not feel like it is a punishment.
Consider that creating habits and routines in childhood will be helpful to them in adulthood.
Even if they reject it at first, they are likely to return to the familiar habits they learned as a child because, with age, they come to realize that they were important and helpful. So, while it is challenging, do your best to keep going! Putting in the work to teach your child the importance of screen time boundaries may be an important key to their well-being in the future.
What has been your biggest challenge in managing your child’s screen time? Need some support around this? We are happy to help, give us a call.
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There are lots of first phone calls that start with “my child [or teenager] needs therapy, but I don’t know what is going to work”. Some parents will say: “maybe I’m the one who needs help!”. Or they say: “we’ve tried therapy before, but it didn’t work. I don’t know what to do!”
It’s OK.
There are lots of different ways good therapy can be approached. Part of it is just knowing what to ask for or what to try. As therapists, we have lots of experiences working with people, whether they are adults, teenagers or kids, that don’t want to be there.
Kid #1: This is a kid or teen that probably has some pretty good insight on their own. It might not seem like it as they have things they need to work on emotionally, but their friends might actually come to them for support. They might hold their cards close to the vest, but they have some valuable wisdom. They might be more reserved in general as well.
With this child or teen, you want a therapist who can start by acknowledging their strengths and wisdom. Instead of trying to figure out “what’s wrong”. That might include some psychoeducation, meaning putting labels/words to the things they already intuitively know. By looking for the strengths first, that lets your child/teen know they are respected and seen and can create space for them to open up a little.
Key words to look for: strength based therapist
Kid #2: This can be a kid that wants to talk about what they want to talk about. Meaning they might not really engage fully in a conversation about a topic that does not interest them.
A creative therapist can find a way to engage your child/teen in conversations about what interests them and draws ties back to emotional coping strategies as well as opportunities for insight. An art therapist or creative arts therapist is trained to work inside of the metaphor. There is over 1000 hours of training after grad school focused specifically on being able to work through the metaphor.
Key words to look for: art therapist, expressive arts therapist
Kid #3: This might be a kid who is just prone to be a little more defensive or defiant temperament wise.
A child or teenager like this will benefit from someone respecting their boundaries and instead focusing on finding ways to channel their energy and attention. Sometimes this can be done by finding ways for your child or teenager to help or care for others.
This could be volunteering in with a group for kids struggling with social skills like being an “expert player” in one of Our Village‘s groups.
This could be through working with a therapist that has a therapy dog, like Kryss Castle, MFT. She doesn’t mention it on her website, but you can ask her about her sweet Boston Terrier, Bella, who loves to be in session.
Think about the Reading Education Assistance Dogs project where children who are resistant or have trouble learning to read teach dogs to read. It might feel too vulnerable for your child to focus on themselves, but they may be able to tolerate focusing on helping others to acquire their skills.
Again, this is another case where art therapists are a good match. They are trained to think creatively about how to reach goals, even when clients are resistant. Social action art therapy is also a very helpful and empowering modality for kids like this.
Key words to look for: volunteer opportunities, pet assisted therapy, therapy dogs, art therapist, social action art therapy
Kid #4: Your child or teen is smart so they will tell you everything you want to hear. You might uncover lies or see side effects like difficulty with friendships, slipping grades, health issues like stomach aches or headaches.
This is a kid who is going to benefit from “experiential therapy”. That means that you want to find a therapist that they can connect with and like. Let them start to build a relationship with that therapist (about 4-6 weeks) and then make sure that the sessions include some kind of activation of reasons you are seeking therapy.
For example: If they need to work on frustration tolerance, an art therapist can easily find ways to safely illicit frustration through the art process and support dealing with the frustration “in vivo”. There has to be enough of a relationship built up with the therapist for your kid to tolerate this, but it most definitely is possible for that frustration to be triggered and for your child to learn how to work through it with the support of the therapist.
Or, let’s say your child needs to work on their communication skills. It’s a great idea for you to be in the room if you guys have trouble communicating about important stuff so that communication trouble can get activated and worked through.
No use in talking about hypotheticals or making plans about how to handle situations because your kid will have all the right answers and never practice a single skill. They have likely already found ways to work around their discomfort.
You probably also need to participate in sessions to bring important events and topics into the room. Otherwise, your child or teenager may NEVER bring any of that up.
Key words to look for: experiential therapy, family therapy, art therapy, expressive arts therapy
Kid #5: Your child or teenager just does not want to approach heavy emotional content and they are pretty up front about that.
This is a client who is going to benefit from graded exposure. First, you want to find a therapist that is a good match (maybe that means your child or teen will tolerate that person) and give a little time for the therapeutic relationship to be established. Then the therapist can bring into the room the issue that needs to be addressed.
We pick a certain amount of time that that issue needs to be discussed directly, we put it on a timer and we keep our word.
Most of the time, the trouble is that your kid thinks approaching that topic is just going to be so awful and terrible, they don’t want to even go there. But they learn they can because we keep that part of the session contained. As they build tolerance and confidence, that time can expand. We’ve seen it work time and again.
Key words to look for: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, graded exposure, experiential therapy
Kid #6: This is a kid who has probably been physical (maybe they played hard at recess, had a hard time keeping their hands to themselves, used their behavior instead of their words to express feelings or interested in sports) their whole life.
Some people really do process their emotions in a primarily physical way. It is hard for them to sit down and talk through their feelings. They might not even have the words for it!
These are kids who are going to benefit from play therapy (we like Jessica Plotin, MFT, ATR, Monica Fyfe, MFT, BCBA, RPT-S and Bryana Kappa, MFT (especially for 0-5 year olds) when they are younger or sports psychology based therapy or mindfulness based outside focused therapy (like a therapist who would take the session outside, meet for a hike or a beach walk) when they are a little older. It allows them to be in action while they process and work through things. It is just going to be a much more naturally aligned modality for them.
Key words to look for: play therapy, expressive arts therapy, movement therapy, sports psychologist, nature therapy, eco therapy, hiking therapy
It’s true that there are times when a kid doesn’t need to be in therapy because it is not the right timing. Stay tuned for a more detailed post about that coming soon!