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School has started back up and despite this being the same old routine, you still find yourself frustrated and upset with the morning routine… Where are your kid’s shoes? Where is their homework? Why are you feeling rushed and irritated yet again? Is your …
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Investing in understanding the way your teen works will help you know how to support your teen, so let’s talk about that a little. The emotional development and emotional needs of a teen are complex and very different than that of adults. But if you do some research, set boundaries and keep the lines of communication open, you can be an effective support system for them. Let’s talk about 3 things you can do to be proactive and provide valuable support when it means the most.
Teens go through a lot of changes while they are developing and it’s important for parents to know the basics which include emotional, behavioral and social factors.
Emotional – Emotions are more intense for teenagers and those emotions can become overwhelming. Because their brain is still developing, they may not have the skills needed to effectively manage these emotions. “The downside of this increased emotionality is that teens can become more easily irritated, upset, and moody—and they can have a relationship with themselves that’s confusing.”
(Siegel, Daniel. “How the Teen Brain Transforms Relationships.” Greater Good Magazine. August 12, 2014. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_the_teen_brain_transforms_relationships)
Understand that they are feeling things on a different level than how you would feel them, and they may need help managing their emotions. Some of the best help managing emotions is simple attunement: I can see and understand that you feel this way. It does not mean trying to fix things for them (unless they ask you to). See our article about the best support you can give right here.
Behavioral – A lot of behavioral factors come into play during teen development such as taking risks and trying new things. Risky behavior can be stimulating because it triggers a dopamine release and that dopamine release feels good.
Social – Having a social connection and closeness with a peer group is a big deal for teens and you will see it become a priority that has an impact on their life. Teens start to shift from being attached to their parents to being attached to their friends, because they are forming an identity, and a sense of who they are in the world at large. They do this through the medium of their peers, seeking validation and opinions from them (just like they’re done with you in earlier life). They have to test things to know what is true for them so friendships may be rocky or might change more often than they have in other stages of life.
The signs of anxiety and depression can look different in teens than in adults and as a parent it’s important to know what they can be. You would typically think that sadness would be the biggest sign of depression but it can also present as anger, rage or outbursts. This is usually chalked up to puberty or hormones and not really considered as a sign of anxiety or depression.
Drinking, using drugs and smoking are also typically explained away as rebellious behaviors, when they in fact, can also be a sign of anxiety and depression.
Since teens usually thrive off of social engagement and feeling a part of the crowd, avoiding social activities and spending more time alone, can also be a sign to look out for.
(Geng, Caitlin. “What to know about Teen Anxiety and Depression.” Medical News Today. July 27, 2021. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/teen-anxiety-and-depression#symptoms)
It’s common to hear that you can’t help others if you are not willing and able to help yourself; and this holds true when it comes to supporting your teen. It’s important for them to see that you are able to practice self-care successfully and to learn how it’s done so they can implement this as a practice in their own life.
“Let your teen see how you prioritize and manage your mental health and emotional well-being. By showing how you cope you help your teen learn to build resilience, which will help them bounce back from troubling times.”
(Talib, Hina [teenhealthdoc]. “How to show up for your teen.” *Instagram, February 26, 2024, https://www.instagram.com/p/C30QmPPusJ3/?igsh=MWQ1ZGUxMzBkMA%3D%3D&img_index=5)
Teens learn through modeling, and if they see you experience challenges, and see that you are able to get through them and come out on the other side, they will realize it’s possible for them to do the same. Teenagers watch you closely (you might have noticed that when they are critical or call you a hypocrite), so you might not need to do much in terms of explaining. You being genuine in your process of working through challenges without trying to teach them or advise them is extremely powerful. They are watching.
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Maybe you have recently had some time off and your routine has been different because your family has been in holiday mode; but now it’s time to get back into your groove. This is actually a great time to reflect on what parts of your routine have been working and what hasn’t.
Sometimes we drive ourselves too hard with a strict schedule around work, school, working out, extracurricular activities, etc. and time off of that routine gives you some contrast and space to reflect on things that you may want to change.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to reflect and to set yourself up for success in the new year.
Sometimes you don’t realize it in the moment, but you can look back over a period of time and see the moments where you were really content and felt at ease.
What were the circumstances? If you are able to pinpoint those moments, think about where you were, who you were with, what your schedule was like and any other details that created the environment that led to you being content.
How can I bring more of that into the new year? Once you have identified these circumstances, look at how you can duplicate them going forward. Maybe it’s a person you can spend more time with, a place you can visit more often or a routine you can duplicate in the new year.
Just like with the happy moments, you may not immediately recognize that a situation is stressing you out at the time it is happening. You may just push through and act like everything is fine even when you are feeling off because you just needed to get through it. But given the chance to really reflect back on it, you can see that it was overwhelming or created emotional stress.
What were the circumstances? These can be expectations that you put on yourself that were unrealistic, or the expectations of others. It can also be people or environments that you felt obligated to be around.
Do I want to make a note not to repeat that next year? There are some people and environments that you may not be able to avoid but if there are things that stress you out that you can eliminate, then make a mental note, or an actual physical, written note, to not repeat it next year. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that unrealistic expectations or pressure we put on ourselves is not worth it and it will not be the end of the world if we let some things go.
We typically give ourselves more grace over the holidays to not hold such a rigid routine, like a certain time frame to get things done or a certain diet, etc. You may realize that that thing was not as important as you thought it was. Now that doesn’t mean you should throw all your goals and positive habits out the window, but it is a good time to assess them and see if they were really necessary.
If there is something that you changed about your routine and you are really missing it or you are feeling really down or stressed out now that you aren’t doing it anymore, then that may be a sign that it’s good for you. Some things in your routine may make you feel more grounded and productive and taking them away creates some uneasiness or lack of structure.
Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and don’t realize that it’s time for a shift or an update. And having a little break from our normal routine can give you some insight into that! As we move into a new year there are lots of ways you can support your mental health and looking back at your routine and asking yourself these questions is a good start.
If you’ve read self development books, been to therapy, studied psychology or follow emotional intelligence, therapy or trauma informed accounts on social media, chances are you’ve developed a good deal of self awareness about your “stuff”. We’ve all been handed experiences or circumstances in our …
If you find yourself being long winded, can’t fit your written response into the allotted space, you use lots of parentheses when you write, you find the need to explain every no or if someone double texts or emails you because you didn’t respond… this …
Do you have any end of the year rituals?
A way to gather your experiences, crystallize your memories, celebrate milestones and integrate your growth?
If you don’t or you are looking for ways to enhance your end of year reflections, we have a couple of prompts for you!
The new year is right around the corner and your mental health is a priority as you transition from this year to next.
We discussed 3 ways you can support your mental health in the new year HERE. If you’re ready to move forward in a positive way, reflecting on the past year is a crucial first step.
Look at what you set out to accomplish and what you did do on that list. Also look at what you didn’t expect to accomplish and you were able to do.
You will hear from lots of different sources (especially this time of the year) that you need to set goals and follow a plan to achieve those goals. But not everyone works that way, and that’s okay!
If what you accomplished turned out to be even more in alignment and more valuable than what you set out to accomplish, that should be counted as a win!
So take this as an opportunity to see what was more valuable for you – What you planned and successfully executed or what spontaneously came up that you accomplished because it was aligned? Maybe for you this year, it was a mix of both. However it turned out, let that inform your vision for the year ahead.
Set goals and follow an action plan if that’s what was most effective, or create a broad vision, set intentions, create space and set check in points to review your direction. Or a mix!
When you are completing your assessment of your accomplishments, determine if any of your successes include milestones. Examples could include a financial milestone, a developmental milestone, a relationship milestone, etc. If you did reach a milestone then celebrate that, it’s a great thing that you should be proud of!
There are always things that don’t go your way each year; look specifically at what you learned from those things. Those lessons are important and you want to try and glean as many positives from them that you can.
Ask yourself if there is anything you would want “future you” to know if you encountered any of those moments in the year to come. One year I learned so much about how I handled the holidays that I recorded a note for myself then set a reminder for November 1st to listen to my voice note to remind myself of what I learned, so I could handle the next holiday season better. It changed my entire holiday experience the following year!
It is so helpful to reflect on all of the significant events and moments, whether positive or negative, and evaluate how it changed you and what it taught you about yourself, about other people or about the world around you.
This is an opportunity to crystallize your memories and the most important things that have happened this year. If you keep a journal, you may want to summarize the highlights of the year in your last entry of the year; then you can always look back and see what the most important moments were to you from your perspective when you were living it.
This is also a great question to ask yourself when you are in the middle of an experience: What story do I want to tell about this? Instead of it being a moment you “survived”, “got through ” or “freaked out about”, what if it is remembered as a moment you were proud of and you wanted to tell the story about later?
This would be great to do around the table at a family dinner. You can write down what each person shares as the moments they want to remember from that year or, if you don’t love writing things down, you can record each person’s answer; then review it when you do it again next year to see how far you’ve come! It can become a family keepsake for years to come and a very special tradition that you can all share and pass on to the younger generations.
If you don’t know where to start with your end of year reflection, try these 25 End of Year Reflection Questions from developgoodhabits.com. (Develop Good Habits | 25 End of Year Reflection Questions to Review Your 2022 Year | November 13, 2022 by Connie Mathers). They will prompt you to take a deeper look into your life over the last year for a thorough reflection.
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