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Being physically drained and emotionally drained are not the same thing. Even though they can sometimes look similar. Why is it helpful to know if you’re emotionally drained? It can save you a fight and it can help you take better care of yourself because …
There’s a lot of conversation around holding boundaries with people in our life. But how about with ourselves? If we are putting an emphasis on something like boundaries in a relationship, we also want to check in on what we are doing around that very …
This viral video was shared in a group recently and it stopped me in my tracks.
Watch what he does in the first video (3 min) and then listen to what he says about that experience in the second video (4 min).
And then I’ll share about how this captures where we are going in terms of cultivating emotional health in ourselves and the next generation.
What Joel Mitchell is doing is called “holding space”. All he does is stay with her and make sure she is physically safe so she can process her feelings all the way.
Notice how he does not to try to stop her in any way. He does not try to fix or change anything. He is simply THERE FOR HER.
Toddlers are not the only ones who need this witnessing. We all need it and can offer it to our loved ones and ourselves.
Having feelings does not mean anything is wrong with you. It probably means something is right with you. The only thing to do with them is make it safe for them to be there.
Once they process through, then you can “do” something about them *if* that is even needed. See last week’s post about dealing with overwhelm for help on this.
Joel clearly explains where the feelings are coming from. He doesn’t create a story about his daughter’s character (or his own) because she had a 45 minute fit. We don’t have to create any stories about who we or loved ones are either because this is an emotional response to something.
We are all human. Who have feelings about what happens through their lived experience. THAT’S ALL. There doesn’t need to be any further personalization or attachment to it.
This is not spoiling a child. This is not being permissive. There is no manipulation.
He also demonstrated emotional health by just acknowledging his own feelings about people’s response to his parenting as well as being clear about his own human-ness (“I’m not always that patient”).
Notice how the reason he says that he could hold space for his daughter’s feelings for 45 minutes is because he had practiced good self care. He *had the space inside his own experience* to just practice breathing with her feelings.
The sleep he got, the physical care he had taken of himself, the time he has taken to invest in his personal growth practices… all of those things are self care practices he prioritized over serving others in those moments. SO THAT he could hold space when his daughter was ready for her emotions to come through. THIS is why self care is such a big topic.
What would you be able to do as a parent, a partner, a boss, a friend if you took better care of yourself?
We would have so much more time, connection, and overall HEALTH on all levels.
If you want to support and guidance for how to cultivate your own emotional health, contact us.
![What Does Self Care Actually Mean? [Hint: it’s not planning a vacation or getting organized]](https://i0.wp.com/www.oneheartcounselingcenter.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2019/05/Self-Care.jpg?resize=760%2C400&ssl=1)
Buying something nice for yourself, planning a vacation, or getting organized can feel good. And you know there are times when those things barely scratch the surface of what you actually need. These are times where all you want to do is avoid, fix or …
Self care has gotten a lot of press lately, which is good. The distinction between being selfish and caring for yourself is an important one. Knowing that your cup needs to be full in order for you to be able to support others is also …
Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, there are currents of thought that run through our collective society.
They can be embedded posts you see on social media, come out of the mouths of your friends or family or through storylines on shows you watch.
They can lay dormant until there is a reason for them to be called forward, but they sit there in the back of our minds. Maybe even silently pulling on us.
Some of these things can be positive influences, like the ones I want to talk about today.
The good: Helping others and being generous is good, right? Of course it is. But, too much good is exactly that: too much.
Consider this: Are you the person who gives so much to the point that is negatively impacting you? It can look like giving the kind of support or the amount of support you are not able to give (for whatever reason), which leads to resentment.
Resentment poisons relationships.
Or, it can look like over focusing on others such that you are disconnected from your own needs or feelings. Eventually that will catch up with you.
The good: Blaming others is disempowering. So, taking responsibility can help you step into an empowered position.
Consider this: Any chance that one of the ways you to control things is by being overly accountable? This kind of controlling is SO undercover. If you are responsible for everything, then you have the control to fix it, right?
Being responsible for what IS in your domain is a good thing, but being responsible for what is in the domain of others results in enabling behaviors, being in uneven relationships and, ultimately, a massive sense of frustration because it doesn’t work in the long run to be responsible for everything.
The good: Yes, being a productive member of society and doing your part is fantastic.
Consider this: Hello overachieving and burn out. Yup. Not all resting, doing enjoyable things, watching tv or not doing something every second is the result of laziness. Resting is vital to daily life.
Sleeping in and of itself is not for lazy people, is it? It is a basic need. It’s just a question of balance. Sleep or rest or just “not work” the amount that is right for your body, stress levels, health status.
The good: Having a vision and a place you are headed with any area of your life is excellent. Creating some structure through planning might be great for your specific temperament and personality.
Consider this: This can be a recipe for getting stuck in your head. A potential disconnection from what you really want or need. What you need and want has the potential to change. And there needs to be a connection to those changes and a response to them. That might mean letting go of a goal or plan. And that’s OK.
Ultimately…
Just as it relates to the currents of thought outlined here, where do you land?
Do you tend to find yourself over helping, being overly responsible, over working or overly rigid with your plans?
It could be a good time to take a look at how these currents of thought may have crept in and might not actually be true (or good!) for you.